
The Other Significant Others
Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center
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Narrated by:
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Rhaina Cohen
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By:
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Rhaina Cohen
About this listen
"Author Rhaina Cohen’s vocal warmth and commitment to her ideas make this a touching audiobook. Her thinking and humanitarian spirit are well served by a performance that resonates with her broad sociological perspectives, as well as her desire to connect with listeners."—AudioFile
This program is read by the author.
"Rhaina Cohen’s moving, intimate portraits of people in unusually devoted friendships upend our cultural narratives about which relationships matter . . . an arresting work of compassion and insight."—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of Dear Therapists podcast
Why do we assume romantic relationships are more important than friendships? What do we lose when we expect a spouse to meet all our needs? And what can we learn about commitment, love, and family from people who put deep friendship at the center of their lives?
In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen invites us into the lives of people who have defied convention by choosing a friend as a life partner—these are friends who are home co-owners, co-parents or each other’s caregivers. Their riveting stories unsettle widespread assumptions about relationships, including the idea that sex is a defining feature of partnership and that people who raise kids together should be in a romantic relationship. Platonic partners from different walks of life—spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality and more—reveal how freeing and challenging it can be to embrace a relationship model that society doesn't recognize. And they show that orienting your world around friends isn't limited to daydreams and episodes of The Golden Girls, but actually possible in real life.
Based on years of original reporting and striking social science research, Cohen argues that we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them, while we diminish friendships by expecting too little of them. She traces how, throughout history, our society hasn’t always fixated on marriage as the greatest source of meaning, or even love. At a time when many Americans are spending large stretches of their lives single, widowed or divorced, or feeling the effects of the "loneliness epidemic," Cohen insists that we recognize the many forms of profound connection that can anchor our lives. A rousing and incisive book, The Other Significant Others challenges us to ask what we want from our relationships—not just what we’re supposed to want—and transforms how we define a fulfilling life.
A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin’s Press.
©2024 Rhaina Cohen (P)2024 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Rhaina Cohen’s moving, intimate portraits of people in unusually devoted friendships upend our cultural narratives about which relationships matter. A perceptive and vivid reporter, she reveals that there are far more pathways to deep connection and fulfillment than we’ve been made to believe. The Other Significant Others is an arresting work of compassion and insight."—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of Dear Therapists podcast
"In her lovingly written The Other Significant Others, Rhaina Cohen does crucial work by questioning easy social categorization and the hierarchies of recognition and privilege that too often put romantically coupled pairs at the top. The Other Significant Others is energetic, open, considered, and beautifully reported. It thrums with a passion for the subject, and is powered by a historically rich, intellectually serious curiosity about the relationships that provide backbone and ballast to so many of our lives, but which have only recently begun to receive the consideration they are due."—Rebecca Traister, New York Times bestselling author of All the Single Ladies and Good and Mad
"An absorbing overhaul of everything you thought you knew about friendship. The Other Significant Others is a platonic revelation and a revolution."—Marisa Franco, New York Times bestselling author of Platonic
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A close friendship is one of the most influential and important relationships a human life can contain. Anyone will tell you that! But for all the rosy sentiments surrounding friendship, most people don’t talk much about what it really takes to stay close for the long haul. Now two friends, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, tell the story of their equally messy and life-affirming big friendship in this honest and hilarious book that chronicles their first decade in one another’s lives.
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A beautiful and brilliant wake up call to the richness we’re missing out on in life.
- By Revive Media Group on 03-15-22
By: Kat Vellos
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Fighting for Our Friendships
- The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships
- By: Danielle Bayard Jackson
- Narrated by: Danielle Bayard Jackson
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Bumble BFF’s resident friend expert identifies the 9 most common conflict types in women's platonic relationships, sharing practical strategies to resolve issues and strengthen ties.
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Soooo relatable
- By Chy-Lea Hicks on 04-17-25
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Modern Friendship
- How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
- By: Anna Goldfarb
- Narrated by: Anna Goldfarb
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Modern friendships can be painfully ambiguous. But they don’t have to be. Journalist Anna Goldfarb has your back. “It’s understandable if your friendships are floundering. You’re up against historically new forces that we, as a culture, have no precedent for navigating,” she says. With Modern Friendship, Anna shares a manual for understanding what is pushing our friendships to the brink and provides actionable advice for forming authentic, enduring connections today.
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Wish there was a pdf included
- By Kat Rose on 06-24-24
By: Anna Goldfarb
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The Art of Loving
- By: Erich Fromm
- Narrated by: Nathan McMillan
- Length: 3 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Most of us are unable to develop our capacities for love on the only level that really counts — a love that is compounded of maturity, self-knowledge, and courage. Learning to love, like other arts, demands practice and concentration. Even more than any other art, it demands genuine insight and understanding.
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How this book got such good marks is beyond me.
- By Wyson store on 10-31-20
By: Erich Fromm
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Frientimacy
- How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness
- By: Shasta Nelson
- Narrated by: Robin Eller
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In Frientimacy, award-winning speaker Shasta Nelson shows how anyone can form stronger, more meaningful friendships, marked by a level of trust she calls "frientimacy". Shasta explores the most common complaints and conflicts facing female friendships today, and lays out strategies for overcoming these pitfalls to create deeper, supportive relationships that last for the long-term.
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I didn't finish it, but I still recommend it
- By Emily on 10-21-17
By: Shasta Nelson
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Uncertain
- The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure
- By: Maggie Jackson
- Narrated by: Maggie Jackson
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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In an era of terrifying unpredictability, we race to address complex crises with quick, sure algorithms, bullet points, and tweets. How could we find the clarity and vision so urgently needed today by being unsure? Uncertain is about the triumph of doing just that. A scientific adventure set on the front lines of a volatile era, this epiphany of a book by award-winning author Maggie Jackson shows us how to skillfully confront the unexpected and the unknown, and how to harness not-knowing in the service of wisdom, invention, mutual understanding, and resilience.
By: Maggie Jackson
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The Art of the Interesting
- What We Miss in Our Pursuit of the Good Life and How to Cultivate It
- By: Lorraine Besser PhD
- Narrated by: Lauren Ezzo
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you know anyone who's truly living The Good Life? Traditionally, philosophers and psychologists have thought of the Good Life in terms of happiness or meaning, or some combination of both. But, if it’s really that simple, if all you need is more happiness or meaning to get to the Good Life, why aren’t more of us achieving that truly “good” life? You’ve hit all the traditional markers, jumped on the happiness train, committed to a gratitude practice, sought purpose in your work, and yet The Good Life you’re seeking, is still out of reach.
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Interesting idea, but lacks depth
- By Alex Weber on 02-25-25
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Look Again
- The Power of Noticing What Was Always There
- By: Tali Sharot, Cass R. Sunstein
- Narrated by: Imani Jade Powers, Byron Wagner
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Have you ever noticed that what is exciting on Monday tends to become boring on Friday? Even passionate relationships, stimulating jobs, and breathtaking works of art lose their sparkle after a while. As easy as it is to stop noticing what is most wonderful in our lives, it’s also possible to stop noticing what is terrible. People get used to dirty air. They become unconcerned by their own misconduct, blind to inequality, and are more liable to believe misinformation than ever before.
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Great beginning, didn’t quite stick the landing
- By Jacob on 03-27-24
By: Tali Sharot, and others
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I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants)
- Finding Unfiltered, Real-Life Friendships in This Crazy, Chaotic World
- By: Amy Weatherly, Jess Johnston
- Narrated by: Amy Weatherly, Jess Johnston
- Length: 5 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Loneliness doesn't care what age you are, how many Instagram followers you have, or where you call home. It doesn't care how "put together" you appear to the outside world. We have a collective wound that only authentic sisterhood can heal. With real-life vulnerability and "I’ve been there, too" wisdom about building deep and satisfying friendships, Amy and Jess unpack the lies we've been told about friendship
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Heavy religious content slightly off-putting
- By Gary on 03-12-22
By: Amy Weatherly, and others
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Significant Others
- A Novel
- By: Zoë Eisenberg
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg, Jennifer Robideau
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Roommates since college, Jess and Ren have built a strong—if at times codependent—friendship. Now navigating their late thirties, the women co-own a weathered beachfront home, comother a rescued shelter pup and have inadvertently centered their lives around each other. Jess is clever and driven with a lucrative career running her own real estate brokerage. Magnetic but aimless, Ren has been making margaritas at the same local dive and teaching dance classes at the same run-down gym for well over a decade.
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A beautifully written depiction of love, friendship, loss, and re-birth
- By David Singh on 07-09-24
By: Zoë Eisenberg
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Friendship in the Age of Loneliness
- An Optimist's Guide to Connection
- By: Adam Smiley Poswolsky
- Narrated by: Adam Smiley Poswolsky
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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We are lonelier than ever. The average American hasn't made a new friend in the last five years. Research has shown that people with close friends are happier, healthier, and live longer than people who lack strong social bonds. But why - when we are seemingly more connected than ever before - can it feel so difficult to keep those bonds alive and well? Why do we spend only four percent of our time with friends? In this warm, inspiring guide, Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky proposes a new solution for the mounting pressures of modern life: Focus on your friendships.
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This Gave Me Hope
- By Rebekah/James on 07-31-21
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Radical Friendship
- Seven Ways to Love Yourself and Find Your People in an Unjust World
- By: Kate Johnson
- Narrated by: Kate Johnson
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Grounded in the Buddha’s teachings on spiritual friendship, Radical Friendship shares seven strategies to help us embody our deepest values in all of our relationships. Drawing on her experiences as a leading meditation teacher, as well as personal stories of growing up multiracial in a racist world, Kate Johnson brings a fresh take on time-honored wisdom to help us connect more authentically with ourselves, with our friends and family, and within our communities.
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The friend I I need
- By Mirza K on 03-07-23
By: Kate Johnson
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Open Deeply
- A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships
- By: Kate Loree
- Narrated by: Carol Jacobanis
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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A full one-fifth of the United States has engaged in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) at some point in their lives, and 29 percent of adults under 30 today consider open relationships to be morally acceptable—yet there are few resources to turn to when it comes to navigating this more non-traditional and explorative territory.
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Very important book
- By J. Oakley on 12-13-22
By: Kate Loree
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The Life Brief
- A Playbook for No-Regrets Living
- By: Bonnie Wan
- Narrated by: Bonnie Wan
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Designed by award-winning brand strategist Bonnie Wan, The Life Brief is a practice in three parts: The first phase, Get Messy, is a set of open-ended writing prompts that cut through limiting beliefs and false assumptions about what’s possible. The second phase, Get Clear, guides you to crystal clarity so you can declare what you truly, deeply want. The third phase, Get Active, catapults you into the steps to making your desires real.
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Bonnie is the best
- By katherine roby on 08-23-24
By: Bonnie Wan
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How We Show Up
- Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
- By: Mia Birdsong
- Narrated by: Mia Birdsong
- Length: 6 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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After almost every presentation activist and writer Mia Birdsong gives to executives, think tanks, and policy makers, one of those leaders quietly confesses how much they long for the profound community she describes. They have family, friends, and colleagues, yet they still feel like they're standing alone. They're "winning" at the American Dream, but they're lonely, disconnected, and unsatisfied.
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I wanted to like this book
- By N. Sebastian on 09-17-21
By: Mia Birdsong
What listeners say about The Other Significant Others
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- Barbara
- 10-03-24
Thank you.
This is a very significant book. I am thankful this topic is being researched, thought more about and shared. I do think the author is highly idealistic and I can understand why. Those kinds of friendships can be life-changing but also painful. Very painful. Thank you.
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- Jimmy
- 02-13-24
Absolutely phenomenal!
The book provides a fresh perspective on what friendship can be in a way that is deeply compelling and very well written. Also, the way the book is read by the author makes it even better.
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- Destiny DiMattei
- 02-24-24
Best book I’ve read in a while, and I will definitely recommend it!
I am a person with a few marginalized identities, mainly a sexual and disabled. I have thought that I might never find a romantic partner. Plus, I have thought to myself that I do not even know fully if I feel romantic, but whether or not any of my relationships would never be classified as romance I have Now seen and been inspired to know that friendships bounds are endless. Best book I’ve read in a while!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Shannon D.
- 02-19-24
Start the Revolution!!!!
I am an avid fan of Ezra Klein's podcast and was enthralled listening to him interview Ms. Cohen. As a board certified psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioner, this loneliness topic is coming up more and more in my client sessions. Within a couple of days of hearing their conversation, I purchased the audio version as I have a visual disability. I an excited to layer in some of these topics into my clinical practice!
The stories in this book were mesmerizing, and it times heart wrenching. Much gratitude to the interviewees for their candor and vulnerability. Ms. Cohen raises very interesting policy alternatives to support these unique partnerships. I can only hope this book becomes a NYT bestseller so that the Revolution can begin. I have done my part by purchasing 2, one for me and one for my platonic life partner of 35 years!!
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- Lms
- 04-06-24
Such an important idea -thank you writing this
This book is well written and nicely narrated. This is such an important idea and it’s amazing how little it’s discussed. Thank you for also including asexuality in the discussion. There are so many other ways to have meaningful connections in life and it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels that way!
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- N. Utley
- 03-10-24
Awakening of Relationships
This read helped me define various relationships I have and have had throughout my life path.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-13-24
A highlight of the importance of friendship
This book serves as a road map to a more inclusive world and less lonely future for us all.
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- Hakuna
- 02-26-24
I want everyone to read this book
I loved this book and want to tell everyone to read and/or listen to it. The stories were inspiring, illuminating, and thought provoking; and, the historical knowledge imparted about friendship and marriage felt revelatory and accessible. More than that, I found the idea of reimagining life with friendship (or just something other than the default of coupledom) at the center very compelling. Considering the challenging and uncertain times we live in as well as the fact that there is no safety net for most of us, regardless of relationship status, makes it even more persuasive. It takes a village...to raise children...and to do so many things...like save the world. Why limit ourselves to the prescribed defaults? In addition to this, it's no secret that we're experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. We have been for some time. The antidote to loneliness is connection, and this book opens up the possibilities in terms of who and how we connect as well as demonstrating the importance and joy of prioritizing connection. All that said, I highly recommend this book and suggest you give it a go. I accessed it via audiobook, which is read by the author, and found it absolutely delightful.
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- M.Celita
- 03-04-24
Lots of research
Loved getting an inside view into these kinds of friendships and understanding the challenges and rewards that can come with them.
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- Anonymous User
- 02-27-24
The various types of friendships are vastly under represented
I love how the author brought to life the often overlooked and undermined friendships that bring color into our universe. My friends and I discuss this book at length at our virtual book club. I wish she highlighted healthy friendship dynamics between heterosexual men and women.
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