
Self-Reg
How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
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Narrated by:
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Robert Fass
About this listen
The first parenting book to bring the science and psychology of children's behavior together to build brain/body awareness for self-regulation and success.
Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior and serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr. Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change.
Self-regulation is the nervous system's way of responding to stress. We are seeing a generation of children and teens with excessively high levels of stress and, as a result, an explosion of emotional, social, learning, behavior, and physical health problems. But few parents recognize the hidden stressors that their children are struggling with physiologically as well as socially and emotionally. An entrenched view of childrearing is seeing our children as lacking self-control or willpower, but the real basis for these problems lies in excessive stress.
Self-regulation can dramatically improve a child's mood, attention, and concentration. It can help children to feel empathy and to develop the sorts of virtues that every parent knows are vital for their child's long-term well-being. Self-regulation brings about profound and lasting transformation that continues to mature throughout life.
Shanker translates decades of his findings from working with children into practical, prescriptive advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop their self-regulation skills and teach their children how to do the same for optimal learning, social, and emotional growth as well as for overall well-being.
©2016 Stuart Shanker (P)2016 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Though this book takes children’s needs as its focus, it is really focused on providing guidance - and even a degree of consolation - to adults as they navigate the often tricky parent-child relationship. Shanker gives readers clear explanations of even the more complex neurological information, such as the role of the limbic system, as well as ample diagrams. And the discussion does not stop at the early childhood stage, moving ultimately into adolescence. If the stressed populations most in need of this book’s lessons can find the time to read it, they will appreciate its potential to bring the minds of both parent and child to a state of heightened attentiveness with minimal anxiety.” (Publishers Weekly)
"Comprehensive data backs up a much-tested system that assists parents in getting their children to a calmer state of mind....straightforward and will be useful for any age level." (Kirkus Reviews)
“Our digital age is stressful, frantic and over-stimulating. Raising a child today requires an understanding of self-regulation. Self-Reg is a wonderful guide for parents, a way to understand the hidden stressors facing children, and their neurological, psychological, social, and emotional effects. Dr. Shanker helps parents not just to understand the meaning of their child’s behavior with compassion, but, just as essentially, how to calm themselves in order to better guide their children toward more positively engaged living.” (Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age)
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Story
For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what others say to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper - to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will endure for the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core. Fortunately, listening can be improved - and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how.
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Isolating Introvert
- By Konie on 04-09-22
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The Memory Code
- The 10-Minute Solution for Healing Your Life Through Memory Engineering
- By: Alexander Loyd
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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We have all had negative experiences in our lives, the memories of which can cause shame, embarrassment, fear, trauma, and worse. Those memories often prevent us from reaching our goals, whether they be related to weight, career, relationships, or success in other areas. But international best-selling author Alexander Loyd has developed a set of techniques that enable users to change the stories they tell about themselves to become healthier, happier, and more successful.
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Confused
- By Mary Beth Brennan on 01-17-20
By: Alexander Loyd
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The Paper Solution
- What to Shred, What to Save, and How to Stop It from Taking Over Your Life
- By: Lisa Woodruff
- Narrated by: Lisa Woodruff
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Americans are drowning in paper. We keep stacks of it on the kitchen counter, stash it in drawers, and store file cabinets full of documents that we never even look at. Studies show that fully 85 percent of the paper in our lives can be tossed - but which 85 percent? And how do we organize and manage the 15 percent that remains? With The Paper Solution, founder of Organize365 Lisa Woodruff delivers a proven, step-by-step guide for what to shred, what to save, and how to sort what's left behind.
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Should have PDF more
- By susan on 07-09-24
By: Lisa Woodruff
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And Then They Stopped Talking to Me
- Making Sense of Middle School
- By: Judith Warner
- Narrated by: Judith Warner
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches, a New York Times best-selling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up.
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Pointless: author offers no advice or insight.
- By Valerie Thorp on 12-07-20
By: Judith Warner
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Social Chemistry
- Decoding the Patterns of Human Connection
- By: Marissa King
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Yale professor Marissa King shows how anyone can build more meaningful and productive relationships based on insights from neuroscience, psychology, and network analytics. Conventional wisdom says it's the size of your network that matters, but social science research has proven there is more to it. King explains that the quality and structure of our relationships has the greatest impact on our personal and professional lives.
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Just a collection of facts
- By Kevin Richardson on 02-10-21
By: Marissa King
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Sugarproof
- The Hidden Dangers of Sugar That Are Putting Your Child's Health at Risk and What You Can Do
- By: Michael Goran, Emily Ventura
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Most of us know that sugar can wreak havoc on adult bodies, but few realize how uniquely harmful it is to the growing livers, hearts, and brains of children. And the damage can begin early in life. In his research on the effects of sugar on kids' present and future health, USC Professor of Pediatrics and Program Director for Diabetes and Obesity at Children's Hospital Los Angeles Michael Goran has found that too much sugar doesn't just cause childhood obesity, it can cause health issues in kids who are not overweight, too.
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So informative!
- By Brian on 10-02-20
By: Michael Goran, and others
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The Performance Paradox
- Turning the Power of Mindset into Action
- By: Eduardo Briceño
- Narrated by: Sean Patrick Hopkins, Eduardo Briceño
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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To succeed in a fast-changing world, individuals and companies know they must create a culture of growth, where experimentation and feedback are encouraged, and learning is integrated into the everyday. Yet we often get stuck in a well-worn pattern of habits that don’t move us forward. Why? Because many of us get trapped in the Performance Paradox: the counterintuitive phenomenon that if we focus only on performing, our performance suffers. How can we give ourselves the space to experiment and grow while also delivering high-level results?
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Great book
- By Andres Felipe Giraldo Buritica on 06-16-24
By: Eduardo Briceño
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The Prime
- Prepare and Repair Your Body for Spontaneous Weight Loss
- By: Kulreet Chaudhary
- Narrated by: Kulreet Chaudhary
- Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Integrative neurologist Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary discovered a beautiful side effect to the eating and lifestyle tools she gave her brain patients–spontaneously shedding excess pounds. In this, her first book, she shows us how to sharpen the brain, and smarten and heal the gut. Weight gain is not about the food, but about the body’s environment. Excess weight is a result of the body being in a toxic, inflammatory state. If your body is not prepared or ‘primed’ for weight loss, you will fight an uphill biochemical battle.
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Fascinating Listen
- By Lady on 01-30-16
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Habits for Healing
- Reclaim Your Purpose, Peace, and Power
- By: Nakeia Homer
- Narrated by: Nakeia Homer
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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In Habits for Healing, Nakeia Homer sheds light on simple, powerful acts that move us toward healing and help us to escape patterns of burnout, toxic relationships, and emotional exhaustion. Drawing on her work guiding others and her own experience of healing from a traumatic childhood, she helps listeners find healing in their everyday rhythms.
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Breaking Down Healing!
- By Nita Jai on 12-11-24
By: Nakeia Homer
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The Dumb Things Smart People Do with Their Money
- Thirteen Ways to Right Your Financial Wrongs
- By: Jill Schlesinger
- Narrated by: Jill Schlesinger
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Hey you...you saw the title. You get the deal. You’re smart. You’ve made a few dollars. You’ve done what the financial books and websites tell you to do. So why isn’t it working? Maybe emotions and expectations are getting in the way of good sense - or you’re paying attention to the wrong people. If you’ve started counting your lattes, for god’s sake, just stop. Listen to this book instead. After decades of working as a Wall Street trader, investment adviser, and money expert for CBS News, Jill Schlesinger reveals 13 costly mistakes you may be making right now with your money.
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Too much profanity
- By J. Jimison on 07-24-19
By: Jill Schlesinger
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I Know How She Does It
- How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time
- By: Laura Vanderkam
- Narrated by: Laura Vanderkam
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Balancing work and family life is a constant struggle, especially for women with children and ambitious career goals. It's been the subject of countless books, articles, blog posts, and tweets in the last few years, and passions run high in all directions.
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Fit my life perfectly
- By thebrownidentity on 06-13-15
By: Laura Vanderkam
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Things No One Else Can Teach Us
- Turning Losses into Lessons
- By: Humble the Poet
- Narrated by: Humble the Poet
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Every one of us endures setbacks, disappointments, and failures that can incapacitate us. But we don’t have to let them. Instead, we can use these events as opportunities for growth. In Things No One Else Can Teach Us, Humble the Poet flips the conventional script for happiness and success, showing us how our most painful experiences can be our greatest teachers.
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HTP’S STORY AND LESSONS LEARNED
- By jaga on 11-04-19
By: Humble the Poet
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Imperfect Courage
- Live a Life of Purpose by Leaving Comfort and Going Scared
- By: Jessica Honegger
- Narrated by: Jessica Honegger
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2015, Inc. magazine recognized Noonday Collection as one of the fastest-growing companies in America. Years earlier, as Jessica Honegger stood at a pawn-shop counter in Austin, Texas, and handed over her grandmother's gold jewelry, her goal was personal: to fund the adoption of her Rwandan son by selling artisan-made jewelry. This first step launched an unexpected side-hustle that would grow into Noonday Collection. She teamed up with her first artisan partner, Jalia, a Ugandan jewelry maker and saw the meaningful impact Noonday brought to Jalia's community.
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Too Church for me
- By Just a mom on 03-31-19
By: Jessica Honegger
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How Minds Change
- The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion
- By: David McRaney
- Narrated by: David McRaney
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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What made a prominent conspiracy-theorist YouTuber finally see that 9/11 was not a hoax? Can you finally have a productive conversation about politics with your uncle at the next family gathering? How does an ordinary person find the courage to leave a cult? Can widespread social change only take place when a generation dies out?
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Fascinating, nuanced, well-written, but…
- By Jason J. Gay on 08-13-22
By: David McRaney
Best book on belong yourself and your children.
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Illuminating
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Lens changing look at your kids and self
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Loved it!
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Excellent Read!
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Misbehavior is usually a stress response. The stress response turns on the physical and turns off the mental. There’s no rational part of stress only fight, flight, or freeze. Approach the deregulated child by changing the physical—dim lighting, lower sounds, give a hug or a hand. Above all, stay regulated yourself—though it’s not easy.
I found the sections on the interbrain, the emotional connection between parent and child, to be helpful. The parent’s emotional reaction matters.
The middle chapters were just stories about children and teens. Shanker gave a lot of info you know already. Video games over stimulate. Social media is not social. Junk food makes everyone feel worse. Exercise and sleep make everyone feel better.
Also, there was quite a bit of rural moralizing. Shanker thinks that urban and suburban environments are over stimulating. I think that’s a stretch. Maybe it’s true, but I think getting my child off Fortnite would be more useful than moving Grandpa’s farm. There are plenty of negatives to rural life as well. Shanker doesn’t mention any of them.
I was hopeful at the start of the book that Shanker would give some calming activities. He says in the first chapter or so that meditation isn’t for everyone and I was so relieved to hear it. That’s why I kept going. By the end of the book he has only mentioned breathing, yoga, and calming quiet music. I don’t mean to be dismissive, but those are recommendations an adult may never try.
If you’ve started the book and don’t want to finish it, skip to the final chapter. It all starts with the parents and not the child. I appreciate Shanker letting go of parenting styles and telling you it’s never too late to start. I have started belly breathing and it is helpful…for me, the parent.
Good start, good ending, meh middle
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Phenomenal
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Helpful Reference for Entire Family
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Great information!!
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A must read for anyone raising or working with children
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