
Parenting Beyond Power
How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family -- and the World
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Narrated by:
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Jen Lumanlan MS MEd
About this listen
Parenting is hard. But when we replace conventional parent-child power dynamics with collaboration, family life gets easier today—and we create a better world for all of us in the future.
When we see our children stalling, resisting, having tantrums, using mean words, and hitting, we want to just make it stop. But conventional discipline methods like time-outs, countdowns, and “consequences” teach children that it’s OK for more powerful people to control others—a lesson they take out into the world. This is how we learned White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism from our parents—and we will replicate this with our children unless we make a different choice.
Research-based parenting educator Jen Lumanlan offers a simple yet revolutionary framework for rethinking our relationships with children. This new approach helps us to look beneath challenging behaviors to find and meet children’s needs, and ours too—perhaps for the first time in our lives. It involves empathetic listening, understanding feelings and underlying needs, and problem-solving with our children to find solutions to conflicts that work for everyone.
Family life becomes radically easier in the short term because behavior problems tend to melt away. In the long term, we’ll raise children who confidently advocate for themselves and treat others with profound respect.
Includes sample scripts, flowcharts, and resources to help parents learn and implement this new approach.
* This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF of charts and resources from the book.
©2023 Jen Lumanlan (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“I’m in love with this book! It illuminates the forces that make parenting so difficult, and helps us develop better relationships with our kids—and ourselves.” —Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE, author of Raising Good Humans
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Phenomenal
- By W. White on 09-28-16
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1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently
- By: Marc Chernoff, Angel Chernoff
- Narrated by: Marc Chernoff, Angel Chernoff
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Millions turn to Marc and Angel Chernoff for fresh, intimate insights for a fulfilled life. In this pithy and empowering guide, they collect the very best advice they've discovered, on topics that include overcoming setbacks, letting go of what's holding us back, nurturing relationships, finding time for self-care, and cultivating passion in order to achieve our wildest dreams.
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Lackluster
- By Pecor on 03-13-23
By: Marc Chernoff, and others
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Let's Talk
- Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower
- By: Therese Huston
- Narrated by: Therese Huston
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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How are you supposed to tell someone that they're not meeting expectations without crushing their spirit? Regular feedback, when delivered skillfully, can turn average performers into the hardest workers and stars into superstars. Yet many see it as an awkward chore: Recent studies have revealed 37 percent of managers dread giving feedback, and 65 percent of employees wish their managers gave more feedback. This trail-blazing new model eliminates the guesswork.
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I took so much from this
- By Jordan Godfrey on 11-21-24
By: Therese Huston
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Listen Like You Mean It
- Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection
- By: Ximena Vengoechea
- Narrated by: Ximena Vengoechea
- Length: 7 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what others say to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper - to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will endure for the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core. Fortunately, listening can be improved - and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how.
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Isolating Introvert
- By Konie on 04-09-22
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People Powered
- How Communities Can Supercharge Your Business, Brand, and Teams
- By: Jono Bacon, Peter H. Diamandis
- Narrated by: Jono Bacon
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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What if you discovered a blueprint that could grow your brand’s reputation and loyalty, dramatically reduce customer-service issues, produce content and technology, and cement a powerful, lasting relationship between you and your customers? Harness the power of communities, both inside and outside of your organization, to drive value and revenue, activate your employees’ and customers’ talents, and create a highly engaged, loyal customer base.
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So helpful!
- By Anonymous User on 12-14-19
By: Jono Bacon, and others
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The Career Manifesto
- Discover Your Calling and Create an Extraordinary Life
- By: Mike Steib
- Narrated by: Mike Steib
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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The Career Manifesto presents an inspiring and refreshingly simple approach to finding your passion and purpose and then jump-starting a dream career to achieve those, by asking three essential questions: What do you want your impact to be? What are the potential pathways that move you toward your purpose? How can you hold yourself accountable for your goals?
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Great review for people with options
- By C&C on 09-20-20
By: Mike Steib
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The Dumb Things Smart People Do with Their Money
- Thirteen Ways to Right Your Financial Wrongs
- By: Jill Schlesinger
- Narrated by: Jill Schlesinger
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Hey you...you saw the title. You get the deal. You’re smart. You’ve made a few dollars. You’ve done what the financial books and websites tell you to do. So why isn’t it working? Maybe emotions and expectations are getting in the way of good sense - or you’re paying attention to the wrong people. If you’ve started counting your lattes, for god’s sake, just stop. Listen to this book instead. After decades of working as a Wall Street trader, investment adviser, and money expert for CBS News, Jill Schlesinger reveals 13 costly mistakes you may be making right now with your money.
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Too much profanity
- By J. Jimison on 07-24-19
By: Jill Schlesinger
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The Performance Paradox
- Turning the Power of Mindset into Action
- By: Eduardo Briceño
- Narrated by: Sean Patrick Hopkins, Eduardo Briceño
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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To succeed in a fast-changing world, individuals and companies know they must create a culture of growth, where experimentation and feedback are encouraged, and learning is integrated into the everyday. Yet we often get stuck in a well-worn pattern of habits that don’t move us forward. Why? Because many of us get trapped in the Performance Paradox: the counterintuitive phenomenon that if we focus only on performing, our performance suffers. How can we give ourselves the space to experiment and grow while also delivering high-level results?
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Great book
- By Andres Felipe Giraldo Buritica on 06-16-24
By: Eduardo Briceño
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Social Chemistry
- Decoding the Patterns of Human Connection
- By: Marissa King
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Yale professor Marissa King shows how anyone can build more meaningful and productive relationships based on insights from neuroscience, psychology, and network analytics. Conventional wisdom says it's the size of your network that matters, but social science research has proven there is more to it. King explains that the quality and structure of our relationships has the greatest impact on our personal and professional lives.
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Just a collection of facts
- By Kevin Richardson on 02-10-21
By: Marissa King
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Getting Back to Happy
- Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs
- By: Marc Chernoff, Angel Chernoff, Alyssa Milano - foreword
- Narrated by: Marc Chernoff, Angel Chernoff
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Through their popular blog Marc & Angel Hack Life, Marc and Angel Chernoff have become go-to voices in the area of personal development, reaching tens of thousands of fans each day with their fresh and relatable insights. Now they're writing the book they wish they'd had when they needed it most. Getting Back to Happy reveals their strategies for changing thought patterns and daily habits to bounce back from tough times.
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Great for Happiness Beginners
- By Speckers on 07-26-18
By: Marc Chernoff, and others
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Real Influence
- Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In
- By: Dr. John Ullmen, Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Authentic influence is about more than creating a strong initial connection - it's about sustaining professional relationships long after an agreement has been reached. Based on their commitment to listening, genuine engagement, and the pursuit of win-win outcomes, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen share a new method that business leaders can use to examine priorities, learn about the needs of key players, earn others' attention, motivate others to hear more, and add value with question and actions.
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great teaching points
- By L. Counts on 08-28-20
By: Dr. John Ullmen, and others
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Flip Thinking
- The Life-Changing Art of Turning Problems into Opportunities
- By: Berthold Gunster
- Narrated by: Boris Hiestand
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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In Flip Thinking, Berthold Gunster, the founder of the Dutch omdenken—or flip thinking—philosophy, presents fifteen strategies to transform your thinking away from limitations and negativities and towards possibilities and opportunities. From disrupting (turn all the rules upside down) to flaunting (play up what you want to hide) and from importing (get the enemy on board) to amplifying (do more of what works), Gunster's strategies and stories will have you approaching even the most challenging problems—from an annoying neighbor to an angry colleague to an unhappy partner—in a whole new way.
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Love this book.
- By Michael H. on 01-31-24
By: Berthold Gunster
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And Then They Stopped Talking to Me
- Making Sense of Middle School
- By: Judith Warner
- Narrated by: Judith Warner
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches, a New York Times best-selling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up.
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Pointless: author offers no advice or insight.
- By Valerie Thorp on 12-07-20
By: Judith Warner
I wish the book spent more time describing the examples given. I understood the situations because I was familiar with the stories from listening to the podcast, but if I were only to read the book without the podcast, I don't think the examples come across that well. Just my impression.
Overall, a revolutionary book. I recommend 😁
An aproach that meets everyone's needs in resolving conflicts.
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Practical ways to parent in line with your values
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Transform the world through better parenting
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The audiobook brings together the key elements of NVC, collaborative problem solving, unconditional parenting and social justice parenting in a beautifully presented, easy to understand way.
I recommend this audiobook to every parent, it truly has something to offer everyone. If you wish to parent differently to how you were parented, this book will help you tread your own path. If you were parented in a respectful way that aligns with your values this book will provide insight into why it can STILL be hard to let go of 'power over' parenting in times of stress. If you currently parent in an authoritarian way this book provides solid research based reasons to consider the alternatives. Even if you read this book and find it is not for you, it will certainly provide food for thought.
I found the content that spoke directly to healing damaging patriarchal, capitalist and racist systems (insidious in W.E.I.R.D. societies) super beneficial. I will refer back to this book whenever I perceive a potential disconnect between my parenting and my values.
I can’t wait for a book number 2!
A fantastic non-behavioralist, social justice parenting book
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Through reading Ms. Lumanlan’s book (and listening to a fair number of her podcast episodes), I’ve become much more aware of the power dynamic that I have been exploiting with the forceful pushing of my ideas, and how this dynamic was passed on to me and much of the rest of the country and Western world for generations. If we want to see our country and world become a better place for our children to live in, things need to change.
This book helps one to learn and practice a new way of interacting with each other - one that respects all voices, and seeks to teach collaboration and mutual understanding as a foundation to learning and living. She makes very compelling (and well-researched) arguments for how this can help one parent more effectively, and how being raised with this method of parenting can help our children live well, and if we’re lucky, make a better world for everyone at the same time.
I wish I had discovered all of this information at the outset of my parenting journey. Changes are really hard to make once repeated behaviors have worn “ruts” into one’s parenting strategies, but they are so worthwhile, in so many ways. Every time I redirect myself from an “I know what’s best, just do what I told you!” reflex and take the time to practice collaborating with my children I see the fruits of the labor.
It’s going to take a lot of time and practice to make all of the changes that I would like to see in my parenting style, but I have so many more tools in the toolbox after reading this book.
Thank you Jen!
Practical, useful, and truly helpful tools for parenting and life
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Improve your family life and contribute towards a better world with this practical guide
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