
Loving You Is Hurting Me
A New Approach to Healing Trauma Bonds and Creating Authentic Connection
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Narrated by:
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Laura Copley
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Donna Jay Fulks
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By:
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Laura Copley
About this listen
Learn how to heal your emotional wounds, get unstuck, and get into healthy, loving, intimate relationships with the help of this eye-opening book.
At the core of most toxic relationships is a painful trauma wound desperate to be healed. As a licensed professional counselor and trauma researcher, Dr. Laura Copley often found herself disturbed by the stigma that her profession puts on trauma survivors who are in these toxic bonds, often too quickly labeling them as victims or abusers and blaming them for their troubled relationships.
Too often, survivors of trauma are left feeling hopeless, exiled from normal social interactions, and destined for heartbreak in any relationship they attract. Through her work with clients, and her own experiences, Dr. Copley developed a roadmap for healing the toxic emotions that come from being bonded by trauma in relationships.
In Loving You is Hurting Me, Dr. Copley guides you through your trauma origins and into a life rich with meaning, loving connection, and inspiration. Drawing from groundbreaking science on trauma and its effects on the body, and from her own practice including a decade’s worth of research on trauma and intimacy, Dr. Copley presents an experiential and transformative approach unlike any other. Her program transforms your trauma bond into deep connection with the self and safe intimacy with others.
©2023 Laura Copley (P)2023 BalanceListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“A compassionate and concrete guide on healing the trauma that gets in the way of having fulfilling relationships, Loving You is Hurting Me offers a groundbreaking perspective on unravelling old toxic patterns and creating a life rich with love, connection, and purpose. Through her expertise as both a therapist and trauma bond survivor, Laura takes our hand and leads us through a deeper understanding of our family origins and helps us reclaim our story of healing and transformation.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast
“When couples get stuck in toxic patterns it’s often not enough to problem-solve and look for solutions. Sometimes to go forward, you have to first go down: into the relationship’s emotional underground. And what’s often there beneath the surface is trauma: two people held together by the pain of their pasts and trapped in patterns that persistently re-traumatize. Thankfully, Laura Copley is right there to guide us, shining a bright light on our emotional underground and showing us that the only way out is not back up, but “through.”—Ian Kerner, sex therapist and New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First
"Beautifully written…a must-read for therapists and clients alike! Despite the difficult subject matter, Dr. Copley constantly and lovingly reminds us that we possess the capacity to tap into our own magical wisdom, self-compassion, and inner guardians, and offers thought-provoking and meaningful tools to help us navigate the journey from trauma to transformation and post-traumatic growth."—Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, author of Finding Your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons from the Therapist’s Couch
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- How to Make It to the End with No Regrets
- By: Jodi Wellman
- Narrated by: Jodi Wellman
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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A kick-in-the-pants wake-up call to start living meaningfully in light of how many Mondays you have left from longtime coach, positive psychology expert, and Penn Resilience Program instructor Jodi Wellman.
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Great message
- By Lindsay on 12-12-24
By: Jodi Wellman
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Loving an Avoidant Partner
- Understand Dismissive Attachment Style to Bridge Emotional Distance and Create a Secure Relationship
- By: Krista Cantell
- Narrated by: Jennifer Perez
- Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing "Loving an Avoidant Partner," a groundbreaking guide that takes you deep into the enigmatic maze of an avoidant person's inner world like never before. Armed with remarkable insights, you'll decode the guarded secrets and fears of your elusive partner, shattering the barriers that have kept you apart.
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Great resource
- By Karl on 04-21-25
By: Krista Cantell
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Why I Stayed
- The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour
- By: Gayle Haggard, Angela Hunt - contributor
- Narrated by: Gayle Haggard
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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On November 2, 2006, Gayle Haggard's life changed forever when her husband, Ted Haggard, founder of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, was publicly exposed in a scandal. In the days and months ahead, everything in Gayle's life was at stake—her beliefs, her marriage, and her relationship with the church community she had been a part of for more than 20 years.
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Speechless & Overwhelmed
- By Rosa Lydick on 08-30-19
By: Gayle Haggard, and others
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The Treeline
- The Last Forest and the Future of Life on Earth
- By: Ben Rawlence
- Narrated by: Jamie Parker
- Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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For the last 50 years, the trees of the boreal forest have been moving north. The Treeline takes us along this critical frontier of our warming planet from Norway to Siberia, Alaska to Greenland, to meet the scientists, residents, and trees confronting huge geological changes.
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A surprising find
- By BearheartRaven on 02-23-22
By: Ben Rawlence
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Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
- Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding
- By Alesia Braund on 11-18-20
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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Loving Me After We
- The Essential Guide to Healing, Growing, and Thriving After a Toxic Relationship
- By: Ginger Dean
- Narrated by: Ginger Dean
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In our search for love, affection, and acceptance, we often find ourselves repeating old patterns with new partners. Our brains seek familiar touch points as a way of navigating the unpredictability of our lives, but this means we can find ourselves reentering relationships with the same toxic dynamics. Toxic relationships are especially hard to recover from, especially when they uncovered some of our earliest and deepest traumas. When we leave them, we often find ourselves nursing a broken heart, again and again.
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Very helpful in my healing
- By Rae on 01-04-25
By: Ginger Dean
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The Greatest Capitalist Who Ever Lived
- Tom Watson Jr. and the Epic Story of How IBM Created the Digital Age
- By: Ralph Watson McElvenny, Marc Wortman
- Narrated by: Donald Corren
- Length: 17 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Nearly fifty years into IBM’s existence, Thomas Watson Jr. undertook the biggest gamble in business history when he “bet the farm” on the creation of the IBM System/360, the world’s first fully integrated and compatible mainframe computer. As CEO, Watson drove a revolution no other company—then or now—would dare, laying the foundation for the digital age that has transformed every society, corporation, and government. The story of Watson being “present at the creation” of the digital age is intertwined with near-Shakespearean personal drama
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A superficial history
- By KDN on 02-21-24
By: Ralph Watson McElvenny, and others
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What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship
- Dealing with and Understanding the Aftermath of a Narcissistic Relationship
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. If you're looking to listen to this audiobook, you're likely heartbroken and looking for some guidance, support, or understanding. As someone who has been through the hell of a narcissistic relationship, I can offer you all three, and I hope this audiobook can help you make sense of this heartbreaking time.
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Horrible! Read if you want to become a narcissist!
- By DJ on 01-21-21
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
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The Trauma Cleaner
- By: Sarah Krasnostein
- Narrated by: Rachael Tidd
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Before she was a trauma cleaner, Sandra Pankhurst was many things: husband and father, drag queen, gender reassignment patient, sex worker, small businesswoman, trophy wife... but as a little boy, raised in violence and excluded from the family home, she just wanted to belong. Now she believes her clients deserve no less. A man who bled quietly to death in his living room. Sarah Krasnostein has watched the extraordinary Sandra Pankhurst bring order and care to these, the living and the dead - and the book she has written is equally extraordinary.
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Beautiful, emotional, and perfectly narrated.
- By LitWitWineDine on 06-30-18
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In Each Other's Care
- A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them
- By: Stan Tatkin PsyD MFT, Lin Chen
- Narrated by: Stan Tatkin PsyD MFT, Andrew Pike, Dagny Chika, and others
- Length: 12 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Few things are more frustrating than repeating the same fight with your partner. Playing out the same disagreement about money, parenting, sex, or household chores may leave you exhausted, cut off from the person you want to feel close to. While conflict in any relationship is inevitable, healing is possible. With In Each Other's Care, Stan Tatkin shares a hands-on repair manual that will help you discover how arguments get triggered, why they keep happening, and what you can do to get better at communicating what you want without the drama.
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I love Tatkin’s work and message.
- By Phil H on 07-04-23
By: Stan Tatkin PsyD MFT, and others
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Biased
- Uncovering the Hidden Prejudice That Shapes What We See, Think, and Do
- By: Jennifer L. Eberhardt PhD
- Narrated by: Jennifer L. Eberhardt PhD
- Length: 10 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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How do we talk about bias? How do we address racial disparities and inequities? What role do our institutions play in creating, maintaining, and magnifying those inequities? What role do we play? With a perspective that is at once scientific, investigative, and informed by personal experience, Dr. Jennifer Eberhardt offers us the language and courage we need to face one of the biggest and most troubling issues of our time. She exposes racial bias at all levels of society - in our neighborhoods, schools, workplaces, and criminal justice system.
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hoped for more on why bias and how to avoid it
- By Pavan Ongole on 04-04-19
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At Any Cost
- A Father's Betrayal, a Wife's Murder, and a Ten-Year War for Justice
- By: Rebecca Rosenberg, Selim Algar
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Wealthy, beautiful, and brilliant, Shele Danishefsky had fulfillment at her fingertips. Having conquered Wall Street, she was eager to build a family with her much younger husband, promising Ivy League graduate Rod Covlin. But when his hidden vices surfaced, marital harmony gave way to a merciless divorce. Rod had long depended on Shele's income to fund his tastes for high stakes backgammon and infidelity - and she finally vowed to sever him from her will. In late December 2009, Shele made an appointment with her lawyer. She would never make it to that meeting.
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Tightly-written true crime; excellent narration.
- By Janean Laidlaw on 06-27-21
By: Rebecca Rosenberg, and others
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Liberated Love
- Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire
- By: Mark Groves, Kylie McBeath
- Narrated by: Kylie McBeath, Mark Groves
- Length: 9 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Groves and McBeath’s work—through their Create the Love seminars, workbooks, and consultation programs—have educated a new generation of relationship seekers on the best ways to practice and cultivate love. In Liberated Love, you’ll explore your original relationship blueprint and learn how it informs your current relationships (spoiler alert: it’s often a pretty direct line), and discover how limitation can be the key to finding freedom and experiencing full, fully-realized love with another person.
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Thank you
- By Anonymous User on 07-03-24
By: Mark Groves, and others
What listeners say about Loving You Is Hurting Me
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Bryanna Sniadecki
- 11-30-23
Easy to grasp & actually interesting
Dr. Copley’s book, unlike many other informative texts, is easily understood. She makes it accessible to all readers by using examples from her own life and career and language that is not complicated. This book is also a nonfiction that will keep you reading because it is truly informative and useful to both a practitioner and the nonprofessional as well.
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- Veronica
- 11-13-23
Incredible
I had so many aha moments listening to this. The narration was excellent and I can’t wait to re-listen with a notebook to take more notes. Just wow.
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