Showing results by author "Gerald Hansen" in All Categories

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"If you have stumbled across this page and haven't read the whole series from the start, then you don't know what you are missing, drop everything, download all five books in the series and settle in for some serious laughter to help keep you warm this winter! Looking forward to the next book and still wondering why this series hasn't been scooped up for the movie rights!!!"--MarlaB, Amazon reviewer When an armed robbery at Final Spinz, the dry cleaners where hardened matriarch Fionnuala Flood works, leads to the death of beloved pensioner Mrs. Ming, the ensuing investigation unleashes dark...

"Best Served Frozen is a chick flick with the meddlesome mothers-in-law played not by Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton but more like...if the Kray Brothers were women."--Colin Quinn Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but hardened mother of seven Fionnuala Flood plans on serving hers up frozen. Or so she thinks. The bells are ringing out in Derry, Northern Ireland, as the dirt-poor Floods and the rich and entitled Riddells prepare for the pairing in matrimony of their families and a bridging of the gap between the two sniping communities. But some are not best pleased, and it might be more ...

"A masterpiece!" Colin Quinn "The Irish family at the heart of this hilarious novel is so tawdry and despicable, it's a wonder they don't kill off each other in the first few pages. ...The central figure is Ursula, whose husband had won the lottery and has since gambled away much of the winnings. Ursula's new (and fading) riches have strained many of her personal relationships, particularly with her sister-in-law, Fionnuala, a first-rate villain who concocts get-rich-quick schemes based on the misery of others. ...Once the vulgarity and shenanigans set in, the novel is as absorbing as it is...

While desperately cramming to appear on the TV quiz show Useless, Fionnuala Flood discovers many things about the world she had never cared to know. The most alarming to her is what scientists are up to in an underground tunnel in Switzerland: smashing atoms together at close to the speed of light. She’s heard that toying with these things will lead to all manner of unmentionable catastrophes, such as portals into other universes, black holes, maybe even Armageddon. It’s like a knife in Fionnuala’s heart when she learns that one of those scientists is none other than her estranged ...

Three ways to die, one baffling case. DI Liam McLaughlin and DS Nancy D'Arcy are seasoned pros, but even their skills are stretched when a battered body turns up in an alley. Declan Hoagett was a harmless indigent who spent his days hanging out on the street corner. He rarely asked for handouts but did occasionally burst into song. Nobody would kill him for that, would they? More bewildering, why does he seem to have been killed three different ways? Are they looking for three perps? It's up to McLaughlin, D'Arcy and those from Derry's Major Investigation Team to solve their most heartless ...

A terminal illness wasn't quick enough. It was one drink too many for 72-year-old Evelyn Guilfoyle, found poisoned the morning after a raucous party. But the woman would have been dead in a few months anyway. Why the hurry...? Family, friends and neighbors had crammed into the tiny back garden pub that night. Too many suspects, one clever killer. Could this be a case DI Liam McLaughlin and his ragtag team from the Major Investigation Team will never solve? The second in the NUMBER ONE bestselling Derry Murder Mysteries, Death in Small Measures is another gripping, gritty mystery thriller ...

A gruesome murder with a strange twist. Supermarket shelf stacker Regina Steps has been strangled, stripped to her underwear, her body found straddling one of the cannons of Derry’s city walls. And why has the killer done that with her thumb? For seasoned DI Liam McLaughlin and the ragtag officers of the Major Investigation Team, it’s a homicide they’ve never seen the likes of before. Middle-aged Regina might have kept herself to herself, but she always had a smile for everyone she came across. Who could have wanted to do her harm? Was she just unlucky? But delving deeper into her ...

Even Ursula is shocked when she discovers the secret of her Irish stew. But just what is that secret...? At the height of the Cold War, St. Patrick’s Day is swiftly approaching the US Naval air base perched on the lava fields of Iceland. Derry woman Ursula has never given her stew recipe much thought, but when she and her best mate Reenie are roped into serving it to the troops, she has no idea of the uproar it will cause...to her marriage, her family, her friendship with Reenie, and maybe even to national security. Two spirited women fight off adversary from all angles in this darkly ...

"Continued brilliance. The characters will make you laugh and cry and fume while you're reading. Comic Irish writing at its best." Colin Quinn Desperate mother of seven, Fionnuala Flood, thinks her new get-rich-quick scheme will pay the bills, but instead it threatens to tear her family apart. The case of canned vegetables she bought contains not spuds but explosives, and a defunct IRA branch will stop at nothing to get them back. Meanwhile, her two oldest sons are in prison, her husband's hands are fondling more than frozen fish at work, and her lesbian daughter has published a tell-all ...

Destination: nowhere. Just what are the career alternatives for a disenchanted flight attendant? And after a decade of wrong choices, can she finally grow up? Gretchen Barnett, slogging daily through the unfriendly skies on Nickel and Dime, America's most loathed budget airline, tries to upgrade her life as her twenties draw to an end. In desperation, she applies to the NYPD. And a chance encounter with a stranger on a malfunctioning escalator in New York's Union Square seems to be the escape she needs. Charming, supportive, honest, romantic, a poet, even: all the things Maximus Voo turns ...

Now includes the just-released short story A Backstitch in Spacetime! Derry girls, women, wee boys, hard men, they're all here in the these four stand alone short works from the Derry Women Series. Previously released as a short story (Table For Nine At Kebablicious), a novelette (The Way to A Man's Heart or Strange Things on Plates) and a novella (A Very Fionnuala Christmas) and A Backstitch in Spacetime, they are all together in one anthology. Laugh, wince, fume and cry at the antics of the impoverished Flood family with the mother, Fionnuala, who will stoop to the lowest depths to get ...

Is that the jingle of sleigh bells Fionnuala hears, or the jangle of handcuffs?

It's danger on the high seas for the Barnetts, but will it come from the authorities, Mother Nature or family Flood? In Wisconsin six years ago, Ursula Barnett accidentally committed a shocking crime. The statute of limitations is inching closer, and the police are circling in. Panicked, Ursula books herself and her American family passage on a budget centennial Titanic cruise, hoping to ride out the investigation and embark a woman redeemed. But lurking amongst the leaky walls of the Queen of Crabs is a danger worse than disgruntled, poorly-paid staff, bad food and terrifying onshore ...

Maybe they should've said grace beforehand...? The extended Flood family are in for a surprise. Hardened matriarch Fionnuala Flood, tiring of the usual fish fingers and baked beans on toast, has decided to channel her inner Gordon Ramsey and serve them up a special treat from her grease-spattered kitchen. But a master chef she is not. As Paddy, Maureen, Dymphna, Siofra, Padraig and Seamus pull their chairs up to the dining table, Fionnuala proudly places covered platters before them. As the lids are lifted, will they tremble in anticipation...or fear? PLEASE NOTE: Although this novelette is...

Hardened matriarch Fionnuala Flood is in raptures when she hears sons Lorcan and Eoin are coming back home to Derry for the holidays. Not only that, posh in-law Zoe Riddell has invited the Flood family round hers for Christmas Eve dinner. Fionnuala can't wait to sink her teeth into the fancy holiday spread that is sure to be on offer, and can only imagine what delights await her in Zoe's liquor cabinet. But lurking among all these festive delights is a menacing evil. Fionnuala has unwittingly placed all her family in mortal danger, and it will take her most audacious plan yet to get them to...

For those of you who want a PG read, this is a special version of the book with the strongest language removed. The original version is also available here on Amazon. "A masterpiece!"--Colin Quinn "The Irish family at the heart of this hilarious novel is so tawdry and despicable, it's a wonder they don't kill off each other in the first few pages. ...The central figure is Ursula, whose husband had won the lottery and has since gambled away much of the winnings. Ursula's new (and fading) riches have strained many of her personal relationships, particularly with her sister-in-law, Fionnuala,...

What Fionnuala wants to buy at the Top-Yer-Trolly they certainly don't stock.