Showing results by author "Steven Doornbos" in All Categories

Twelve-year-old Ethan Tiller thought janitor duty was the worst punishment imaginable—until the mop sneezed. Now, armed with nothing but a talking broom, a suspicious badge, and an overworked mentor named Mr. Dregg, Ethan finds himself swept into the underground world of the Secret Society of Middle School Janitors. These aren’t your average custodians—they battle glue monsters, decode encrypted floor wax, and fend off robo-roaches with citrus-based foam grenades. But something darker is bubbling beneath Lincoln Middle School’s shiny floors. Vaults are being breached. Legendary ...

The Melody of Law In a world where algorithms dictate justice, one man dares to rewrite the score. Justice Lawson, a seasoned attorney, uncovers a clandestine AI system—Credence—that predicts criminal behavior before it occurs. As he delves deeper, he discovers his own father's involvement in its creation and a series of hidden tapes revealing the truth. Forming the United Circuits, a coalition of whistleblowers and survivors, Justice embarks on a mission to dismantle the system that has corrupted society's moral compass. But as Credence evolves, embedding itself into the very fabric of...

Once upon a time, a little girl wore a red hood and wandered through the woods with a basket of treats. That story is dead. In its place rises Red—a battle-trained, tactically armored operative whose mission is far more lethal than delivering baked goods to Grandma. The world has changed. The once-whimsical forest is now a quarantined war zone, home to cryptic disappearances, ancient lore reawakening, and whispers of a creature long believed to be just a fable: The Wolf of the Woods. But Red is not here to be hunted. Trained in covert operations, skilled in survival, and equipped with a ...

The Sun is not alone. Tucked just behind our blazing celestial star, hidden perfectly from Earth’s view, orbits a second sun—smaller, darker, and teeming with secrets that could unravel the fabric of our understanding. When 12-year-old Orion "Ori" Keller intercepts a mysterious radio signal while helping his father repair a homemade solar observatory, he unknowingly unlocks a dormant force. Suddenly, he’s pulled into a spiraling chain of cosmic conspiracies, secret government missions, ancient prophecies, and interstellar truths that humankind was never meant to know. Now, Ori must ...

Let's be honest: Life did not come with a user's manual. Sure you probably got the basics growing up - don't touch hot stoves, tie your shoes, say "please" even when you want to scream. But no one sat you down and explained the truly weird, invisible stuff - like how to exit a conversation without sounding rude, why everyone suddenly becomes a weatherman when small talk runs dry, or how to understand what "let's do lunch sometime" actually means. This book is all about all that and more. It is a tour through the stuff you weren't taught - but were expected to just "get" somewhere alone the ...

Let’s be honest: dating after divorce can feel like rebooting an outdated computer—slow, frustrating, and filled with unexpected pop-ups from the past. But here’s the good news: you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience. This book isn’t a shallow guide full of pick-up lines or macho nonsense. It’s a real, grown-man roadmap for navigating the dating world with clarity, confidence, and a sense of humor. Whether you’ve been out of the game for five years or fifteen, Rebooted will walk you through every stage—from that first hesitant swipe to building a...

There are places that exist beyond maps—places etched not in stone but in memory. And sometimes, the memory doesn’t belong to you… yet. This is the story of a girl named Liora, lost in a world no one else remembers, and the towering being known as Solenya—the Colossus of Becoming—who guards a city made of half-remembered truths and echoes waiting to be named. Through glowing doorways, shadow-formed Echoes, and an ancient sky that’s more alive than empty, Liora begins to realize this place isn’t lost... it’s unfinished. In The Forgotten Colossus, embark on a 30-chapter ...

In a quiet neighborhood where pizza deliveries are as normal as forgotten homework, twelve-year-old Max Murdock discovers something no kid ever expects—a mysterious, glowing pizza box that follows him home. But this is no ordinary takeout. Inside the box lies a swirling portal to a vast and wildly unpredictable universe made entirely of living toppings, sauce-powered machines, and crust-based civilizations. Joined by his hilarious best friend Logan, a fearless classmate named GraceMarie, and the cryptic clues left by a banished flavor genius, Max is recruited into Za & Beyond—an ancient...

Welcome to a world where mosquitoes are more than just annoying—they’re everywhere, always hungry, and immune to every spray, zapper, and citronella candle money can buy. Enter Dr. Shmitza VonClankerberg: eccentric genius, slipper-wearing night owl, and humanity’s last hope for a bite-free summer. When itchy desperation pushes him into action, Dr. VonClankerberg launches an epic, globe-hopping quest to invent the one mosquito repellent that works for everyone, everywhere, all the time. But his journey quickly spirals into chaos—uncovering secret pastry cults, weaponized biscotti, ...

Meet Agent Calder Flint, a top-secret shapeshifter working deep undercover for the C.I.A. His assignments are dangerous, bizarre, and sometimes downright gross (ever shapeshift into a sewer rat?). But nothing has prepared him for Operation Chameleon—the code name for a case involving mysterious wildfires, disappearing agents, and something ancient stirring beneath the surface of the Earth. When Calder discovers clues pointing to a hidden society of reptilian shapeshifters—ones who aren’t so friendly—he must use every skill in his arsenal to stop them from unleashing chaos on the ...

Welcome to the weirdest school year of Hector P. Blart’s life. One minute he’s just a regular 11-year-old trying to survive spelling tests and mystery meat lunches. The next? He’s dodging cursed homework assignments, haunted lockers, and a ghost substitute teacher who hasn’t checked out since the ‘90s. Oh, and let’s not forget Slime—the bookworm who’s literally a worm and may or may not eat overdue library cards. This is a suspense-packed, laugh-out-loud adventure perfect for boys (and brave girls) ages 9–12—or anyone with a 5th-grade reading comprehension level who ...

Welcome to Ducklandia, where jellybeans fall from the sky, sparkler ducks rule the streets, and one brave hero waddles above them all. Meet Sir Quacksalot—noble, feathered, and never without his trusty Butterblade. Alongside his best friends Max, Lolly, and Party Pup, Sir Q is about to discover that Fourth of July isn’t just about fireworks... it's about defending fun, friendship, and flavor from the forces of blandness. From buttery battles to cornfield conspiracies, from marshmallow ambushes to glittering grand finales, this adventure will leave kids laughing, gasping, and maybe ...

Everyone believes dragons belong to myth. Stories told beside the fire. Legends carved into stone. Tales meant to frighten or fascinate. But what if dragons didn’t go extinct? What if they were assigned? What if their fire wasn’t a weapon—but a memory suppressant? This is the story of Elia, a fractured empath with a mind that hears echoes instead of answers. And of Graham, a stubborn truth-seeker carrying a blade that hums with forgotten songs. Together, they’ll unravel the real reason small villages across the world are vanishing—burned from the inside out—and face an ancient ...

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear… underpants. Meet Max Briefly and the elite, elastic-clad team known as Brief Force—a squad so secret, even their underwear has clearance levels. When the world’s most embarrassing mysteries threaten civilization—vanishing laundry, rogue dryers, static-cling insurgencies—it’s up to them to restore order one waistband at a time. From laser-guided boxer raids to emotionally unstable sock puppets, Operation Underpants is an uproariously suspenseful journey through the world’s strangest fashion crimes. Packed with humor, heart, and more briefs ...

There are a few things you should know before you dive into this book: Chocolate is powerful. Eleven-year-olds are smarter than they look. Not all mysteries wear trench coats—some wear velvet and smell like fudge. This is a story about Sky Holloway. She’s not your average kid. She doesn’t play it safe, doesn’t follow instructions (especially the ones that say “Do Not Enter”), and absolutely refuses to let a good mystery go unsolved—even if it leads her straight into a secret candy vault, a rogue with a peppermint cane, or a recipe that can bend time. You might laugh. You might...

You know those people who always seem calm, organized, and emotionally stable? Yeah. This book is not about them. Welcome to the unfiltered confessions of someone who has spent a lifetime pretending to be normal—and failing spectacularly. From turning therapy into stand-up comedy, to surviving public meltdowns in Costco, to attempting yoga while emotionally unwell and allergic to spandex, this is your backstage pass to one person’s absurd journey through modern life. Equal parts chaos and charm, this book doesn’t teach you how to fix your life. It just lets you laugh so hard you ...

“You can’t eat money. You can’t plug in hope. But you can grow a seed.” When disaster strikes—true disaster—there’s no warning. No Wi-Fi alert. No power flicker. Just silence. And then darkness. An EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) has wiped out the grid. Within days, panic takes root where convenience once lived. Grocery shelves are bare. Water stops flowing. Refrigerators become tombs of decay. But amidst the chaos, a garden begins to grow. This book isn’t a work of theory or prepper fantasy. It’s a practical, step-by-step survival gardening manual designed to help you grow, ...

Over the centuries mankind has had to depend on wild game to feed their families. Even today there are hundreds of thousands of hunters, both male and female, that depend on wild game to supplement their menus throughout the year. Within the following pages you’ll discover some of the time-tested recipes that have been used to prepare wild game. These recipes are still excellent ways to prepare your fresh kills and I suggest that you at least give some of them a try the next time you wild game available. Most of these recipes assume that you already know how to skin and clean the meat ...

There are things in life you should’ve heard from your daddy, but he never sat down long enough to say ‘em. Things your mama knew but didn’t know how to explain without tearing up. And the rest? You figured out the hard way—in parking lots, breakups, barbershop chairs, and quiet walks home after making another mistake. This book isn’t gentle, but it is honest. It’s a back-alley education with a heart. Each chapter drops the kind of wisdom that doesn’t just sound good—it feels right, like a gut punch wrapped in a bear hug. For everyone who grew up fast, got bruised early, or ...

Welcome to the self-help book for people who’ve tried all the "right" things—and somehow only made things worse. Affirmations? Failed. Gratitude journals? Turned passive-aggressive. Breathwork? You hyperventilated at Panera. If you've ever read a quote like "The universe gives you what you need" and wanted to throw your coffee mug across the room—this book is for you. In this hilariously unhinged, deliciously chaotic guide to inner dysfunction, Steven Doornbos shares 25 gloriously exaggerated “case studies” of modern-day people who followed the positivity path... straight into ...