Let’s talk about that weird emotional hangover you get after confronting your husband’s bad behavior. You know, the one where he hurts you, but somehow you end up feeling sorry for him? Yep. That old chestnut. In this episode, I get real about the trap so many of us Christian women fall into, the compassion boomerang that keeps us stuck in abusive marriages.

I’ve lived this. I breathed this for 25 years. I know exactly what it feels like to see the abuse for what it is, feel a spark of righteous anger… only to have it snuffed out by a fake tear, a Bible verse, or a bouquet of “I didn’t mean it that way” flowers. Before you know it, you’re back to feeling like the monster for having feelings in the first place.

So I’m calling it out. We’re unpacking why this happens, how it messes with your brain, and what you can do to flip the script and start feeling sorry for the person who truly deserves your compassion: you.

What I Want You to Walk Away With:

• You’re not crazy. You’re chemically trauma bonded. And yes, that’s a thing.
• Your compassion is beautiful, but when it’s misdirected at your abuser, it becomes a prison.
• The church has taught us to tolerate abuse in the name of Jesus—and honestly, Jesus would’ve flipped a table over that.
• Grief isn’t the enemy. Denial is. Grief is the beginning of healing.
• You can feel sorry for yourself. You should. That’s what healing starts with.
• You don’t need to be brave enough for the whole mountain—just the next step.
• You are the one who’s going to rescue you. (No prince required.)

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Liked this episode? Then you’ll like two of my other Flying Free Podcast episodes, “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” and “Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Abuser - and When That Changes.”

Have you ever sat in a women’s Bible study, nodding politely while someone says “your husband is your spiritual covering,” and inside you’re thinking, I think I’m dying a little bit every time I say “yes, dear”?

In this episode, I get real about complementarianism, the nice-sounding theology that quietly hijacked our self-worth, autonomy, and sanity. I share how I was the poster child for it once (hello, Created to Be His Help Meet), and how that life script nearly destroyed my soul.

I’m unpacking the research, the psychology, the theology, and yes, the “are you kidding me right now?” stories from real women who’ve lived this. It's systemic. And it's deeply damaging.

What You’ll Learn:

• How complementarianism teaches learned helplessness (like, literal textbook psychology)
• That a shocking number of women from these teachings suffer from anxiety, decision fatigue, and depression but think it’s a faith issue, not a mental health one
• Why your pastor’s advice to “submit harder” is about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off with a godly attitude”
• That yes, the research confirms it: biblical womanhood theology messes with your brain
• How to tell the difference between “conviction” and religious trauma

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Head to our website to find ALL the resources I packed into today’s episode.
• Check out some related Flying Free resources, including an article I wrote called “How Complementarianism Causes Abuse in Churches and Homes” and an episode called “Do Gender Roles Contribute to Emotional Abuse in the Home and Church?”

In this episode, I’m diving into a question I get all the time: Is legal separation the better option for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages? Or is divorce actually the path to healing and wholeness?

(Please note: this episode is for Christian women considering a more permanent end to their relationship. If that's not you, give this one a pass for today!)

I know how hard it is to navigate these decisions, especially when your faith, your safety, and your identity are all tangled together. I’ve lived it. I’ve wrestled with it. And I’ve coached hundreds of women through it.

So I’m walking you through the differences between legal separation and divorce from a biblical, emotional, financial, and psychological perspective without shame, fear tactics, or pressure. Just clarity, truth, and love.

What You’ll Learn:

• What legal separation really involves (hint: it’s not just sleeping in separate rooms)
• The truth behind “God hates divorce” and what Scripture actually says
• How legal separation can keep you stuck emotionally and financially
• Why divorce might be the healthiest choice for you and your children
• What your church may be getting wrong—and how to respond with courage and grace
• My own story of choosing divorce and what changed in my life after

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Get a free, practical guide to legal separation and divorce that will help you decide what is best for you.
• Some more Flying Free Podcast episodes on divorce and separation: “How Do I Know if Divorce Is the Right Choice for Me?” “Will God Punish Me if I Get a Divorce?” “During Separation, How Do I Deal With an Overwhelming Workload and No Support?”