Today’s episode is a story that begins where most love stories unravel: with a lie.

Actually… with many lies.

Our guest today is a great friend of mine and was also unfaithful to his wife. But the cheating, while devastating, was only part of the story. What nearly destroyed everything wasn't just the act—it was the lies that followed. The deception. The pretending. The carefully managed version of the truth, told piece by piece, always leaving something out and or 'trickle truthing'. And every time he lied—whether to cover his tracks, avoid a hard conversation, or protect himself from shame—he pulled their marriage further into the abyss.

Lying became a pattern. A habit. A way of surviving.

He was in survival mode....while his wife was also in survival mode, not knowing what was truth and what was a lie.

But what happens when the lies stop working?

At some point, they did. And he found himself at a crossroads: keep living in the lie and slowly lose everything that mattered—or come clean. Not just about the affair, but about the man he had become. The fears he hid. The ways he had failed. The ways he had justified it all.

And so, finally, he told the truth.

It was ugly. It was painful. It didn’t make anything easier in the short term. In fact, telling the full truth almost shattered what little was left of their trust. But it was real. And for the first time in a long time, so was he.

This episode isn’t about excusing infidelity. It’s about owning it. It’s about the brutal but beautiful process of rebuilding not just a marriage—but a life—from the inside out.

It's about an unfaithful that actually DID CHOOSE TO DO THE WORK and is continuing to do it.

Today, years later, this man is still married to the woman he betrayed. Not because it was easy. Not because she forgot. But because they both chose to walk through fire—together. He made the courageous decision to stay, to change, to show up with radical honesty every single day since. And now? Their marriage is real. It’s honest. And it’s alive in a way it never was before.

So if you’ve ever struggled with truth, if you’ve ever hidden behind lies you thought would protect you—this episode is for you. If you’ve ever wondered whether a relationship can survive betrayal, if trust can ever truly be rebuilt—this story is proof that while the damage may run deep, healing is possible.

This is about choosing truth, even when it costs everything. This is about doing the work, staying when it’s hard, and learning how to love honestly—even after breaking someone’s heart and becoming something and someone you're embarrassed by.

People heal.
Couples heal.
Unfaithful spouses do the work.

To Healing,

Sam

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games.

This game is not only deep but usually ingrained within the communication style of one or both parties. It's called "I've Got You Now...."

It's one of the most insidious games couples fall into subconsciously as they seek to heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. While able to be overcome and eventually diffused, it requires a deeper journey into the mind and trauma, of the unfaithful and betrayed.

Couples who are dealing with this game often times feel as though they are being set up by their partner. It can feel as though their partner is creating what we call a 'double bind' all in an attempt to prove a point that can scorch the earth of the argument. Couples who struggle with this game are not on thin ice, but they do find themselves looking for any sort of way out of the quick sand and today Michael Webb shares exactly that.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it’ll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message
A predictable sequence of interactions
A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They’re not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as “transactions” between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they’re often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there’s a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of "I've Got You Now....."

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.