
Why Didn't You Tell Me?
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Carmen Rita Wong
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By:
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Carmen Rita Wong
About this listen
An immigrant mother’s long-held secrets upend her daughter’s understanding of her family, her identity, and her place in the world in this powerful and dramatic memoir
“Riveting . . . [Wong] tells her story in vivid conversational prose that will make readers feel they’re listening to a master storyteller on a long car trip. . . . Hers is a hero’s journey.”—The New York Times Book Review
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: PopSugar, Kirkus Reviews
My mother carried a powerful secret. A secret that shaped my life and the lives of everyone around me in ways she could not have imagined.
Carmen Rita Wong has always craved a sense of belonging: First as a toddler in a warm room full of Black and brown Latina women, like her mother, Lupe, cheering her dancing during her childhood in Harlem. And in Chinatown, where her immigrant father, “Papi” Wong, a hustler, would show her and her older brother off in opulent restaurants decorated in red and gold. Then came the almost exclusively white playgrounds of New Hampshire after her mother married her stepfather, Marty, who seemed to be the ideal of the white American dad.
As Carmen entered this new world with her new family—Lupe and Marty quickly had four more children—her relationship with her mother became fraught with tension, suspicion, and conflict, explained only years later by the secrets her mother had kept for so long.
And when those secrets were revealed, bringing clarity to so much of Carmen’s life, it was too late for answers. When her mother passed away, Carmen wanted to shake her soul by its shoulders and demand: Why didn’t you tell me?
A former national television host, advice columnist, and professor, Carmen searches to understand who she really is as she discovers her mother’s hidden history, facing the revelations that seep out. Why Didn’t You Tell Me? is a riveting and poignant story of Carmen’s experience of race and culture in America and how they shape who we think we are.
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Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.
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Disappointed
- By Jaimie Sauer on 08-04-21
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Open
- An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy
- By: Rachel Krantz
- Narrated by: Rachel Krantz
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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When Rachel Krantz met and fell for Adam, he told her that he was looking for a committed partnership—just one that did not include monogamy. Intrigued and more than a little nervous, Krantz decided to see whether their love could coexist with the freedom to date other people. Could they strike an exquisite balance between intimacy and independence, and find a way to feel passion for each other once the honeymoon phase ended?
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I wrote this book
- By rachelkrantz on 02-05-22
By: Rachel Krantz
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Black Box Thinking
- Why Most People Never Learn from Their Mistakes - But Some Do
- By: Matthew Syed
- Narrated by: Simon Slater
- Length: 12 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Nobody wants to fail. But in highly complex organizations, success can happen only when we confront our mistakes, learn from our own version of a black box, and create a climate where it's safe to fail. We all have to endure failure from time to time, whether it's underperforming at a job interview, flunking an exam, or losing a pickup basketball game. But for people working in safety-critical industries, getting it wrong can have deadly consequences.
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A multi-level message, well written and well read
- By Loren on 11-16-15
By: Matthew Syed
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Mindshift
- Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential
- By: Barbara Oakley PhD
- Narrated by: Barbara Oakley PhD
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Mindshift reveals how we can overcome stereotypes and preconceived ideas about what is possible for us to learn and become. At a time when we are constantly being asked to retrain and reinvent ourselves to adapt to new technologies and changing industries, this book shows us how we can uncover and develop talents we didn't realize we had - no matter what our age or background.
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Learning by anecdote
- By Mark B. on 08-11-17
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Weathering
- The Extraordinary Stress of Ordinary Life in an Unjust Society
- By: Dr. Arline T. Geronimus
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo
- Length: 13 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Arline T. Geronimus coined the term “weathering” to describe the effects of systemic oppression—including racism and classism—on the body. In Weathering, based on more than 30 years of research, she argues that health and aging have more to do with how society treats us than how well we take care of ourselves. She explains what happens to human bodies as they attempt to withstand and overcome the challenges and insults that society leverages at them, and details how this process ravages their health. And she proposes solutions.
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So glad I listened to this
- By Danielle on 02-06-24
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A Renaissance of Our Own
- A Memoir & Manifesto on Reimagining
- By: Rachel E. Cargle
- Narrated by: Rachel E. Cargle
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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There are breaking points in all our lives when we realize that the way things have been done before just don’t work for us anymore, be it the way we approach our relationships, our belief systems, our work, our education, even our rest. For activist, philanthropist, and CEO Rachel E. Cargle, reimagining—the act of creating in our minds that which does not exist but that we believe can and should—has been a lifelong process. Reimagining served as the most powerful catalyst for Cargle’s personal transformation from a small-town Christian wife to an incisive queer feminist voice of a generation.
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Heavy focus on activism
- By M. Gurley on 06-07-23
By: Rachel E. Cargle
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The Power of Meaning
- Crafting a Life That Matters
- By: Emily Esfahani Smith
- Narrated by: Mozhan Marnò
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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This wise, stirring book argues that the search for meaning can immeasurably deepen our lives and is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness. There is a myth in our culture that the search for meaning is some esoteric pursuit - that you have to travel to a distant monastery or page through dusty volumes to figure out life's great secret. The truth is, there are untapped sources of meaning all around us - right here, right now.
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Meandering
- By LS on 09-27-17
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T-Shirt Swim Club
- Stories from Being Fat in a World of Thin People
- By: Ian Karmel, Alisa Karmel PsyD
- Narrated by: Ian Karmel, Alisa Karmel PsyD
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Ian Karmel has weighed eight pounds and he has weighed 420 pounds and right now he’s almost exactly in between the two, but this book is not a weight-loss book. It’s about being a fat person in a skinny world. It’s about gym class and football practice, about chicken wings and juice cleanses, about airplane seats and roller coasters, about fat jokes and Jabba the Hutt, about crying in the Big and Tall section and the joys of being a sneakerhead, about prediabetes and gout, and about realizing that you actually don’t want to eat yourself to death and hoping it’s not too late.
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Too good!
- By david klock on 07-10-24
By: Ian Karmel, and others
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The Joy of Slow
- Restoring Balance and Wonder to Homeschool Learning
- By: Leslie M. Martino, Ainsley Arment - foreword
- Narrated by: Leslie M. Martino, Ainsley Arment
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In a culture that prizes productivity, efficiency, and success, it’s easy to feel as though we’re constantly falling short and to lose sight of joy. The homeschool community is not exempt from this pressure, but longtime educator Leslie Martino shows parents how to slow down to recapture the delight and depth that are hallmarks of meaningful learning. The Joy of Slow offers a much-needed reset, inspiring parents to prioritize the needs of each individual child and to help them find renewed freedom and passion.
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A quiet Masterpiece!
- By Lorraine Terry on 09-20-24
By: Leslie M. Martino, and others
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Insight
- Why We're Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life
- By: Tasha Eurich
- Narrated by: Tasha Eurich
- Length: 11 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Integrating hundreds of studies with her own research and work in the Fortune 500 world, organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich shatters conventional assumptions about what it takes to truly know ourselves - like why introspection isn't a bullet train to insight, how experience is the enemy of self-knowledge, and just how far others will go to avoid telling us the truth about ourselves. At a time when self-awareness matters more than ever, Insight is the essential playbook for surviving and thriving in an unaware world.
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Chicken noodle soup for the faux-llectual
- By Peter Hudson on 08-29-17
By: Tasha Eurich
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Coming Alive
- 4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression & Unleash Your Soul's Potential
- By: Barry Michels, Phil Stutz
- Narrated by: Phil Stutz, Barry Michels
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Tools, Barry Michels and Phil Stutz revolutionized the world of personal growth and self-actualization by offering doable, dynamic actions that transformed challenges into opportunities for change. Now, in Coming Alive, they provide four vital tools for tapping into the Life Force that resides within each of us - a wellspring of positive energy that is the source of creativity, renewal, confidence, and engagement.
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A Stunning Work of Generosity
- By JTN from Seattle on 10-05-17
By: Barry Michels, and others
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The Joy You Make
- Find the Silver Linings—Even on Your Darkest Days
- By: Steven Petrow
- Narrated by: Steven Petrow, Michael Butler Murray, Maria Shriver
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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We all know what it’s like to experience the disappointments and sorrows of life. Unexpected circumstances like layoffs, divorce, illness, and death can leave us hurting and isolated. Add to that the unending anxiety we feel at the state of the world—political strife and global upheavals—and we end up with a recipe for . . . joy? Yes, says journalist Steven Petrow, who has lived through all of those things, and arrived at a surprising conclusion: Joy is always present—in our everyday routines, in ties to those we care about, even in our grief.
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Needed this positivity
- By Kelli Davis on 04-08-25
By: Steven Petrow
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Reclaiming Conversation
- The Power of Talk in a Digital Age
- By: Sherry Turkle
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 13 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned media scholar Sherry Turkle investigates how a flight from conversation undermines our relationships, creativity, and productivity - and why reclaiming face-to-face conversation can help us regain lost ground. We live in a technological universe in which we are always communicating. And yet we have sacrificed conversation for mere connection. Preeminent author and researcher Sherry Turkle has been studying digital culture for over 30 years. Long an enthusiast for its possibilities, here she investigates a troubling consequence.
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So good, I had to stop listening.
- By Turtle 1 on 12-30-15
By: Sherry Turkle
What listeners say about Why Didn't You Tell Me?
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- Katina Little
- 07-14-22
Thank you…
As a person with a very complicated family “history” , this was so refreshing. I was in tears through part of and had to pause a couple of times. Your willingness to lean into the mess of life was so uplifting. So again, thank you!
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- Margarita Mendez
- 07-25-22
Fantástic listen
I loved this story. I did not know about CRW until I heard a podcast with her. What an amazing story. Read by the author.
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- AJB
- 09-17-22
Finally we can be out in the open about our family history
This story could have been mine except the island was in Polynesia and NZ was the America. Captivating. Tear jerking - due to my own unexpressed family secrets & child self for holding them. Also spoke to the resiliency of human spirit & connectivity of groups of people. Thank you for sharing so that I can be braver about my own family stories and secrets 💫
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- Jules
- 12-08-22
Amazing story loved it
Well, written story amazingly told couldn’t stop listening to it. a must read. Four stars.
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- Anonymous User
- 08-03-22
Ok.
I had no idea who the author is when I purchased the book. I like memoirs so I thought it looked interesting and purchased it for a long drive. While this book kept my interest mildly, it felt like it was trying really hard to be impactful but fell short. It seemed to have gaps in the storyline. Not one of my favorites.
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- Priscilla Martin
- 08-18-22
Wow
Wow! What an amazing story! I finished it in one day. I love that they used her own voice for the audible version.
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- D. Fisher
- 09-27-22
It’s Complicated
A gripping tale of the author’s challenges of living in a family of mixed races and cultures, and her quest to find her own identity. There are secrets, and the secrets have secrets!
Read by the author with passion, humor, anger, and grief. 5 stars on every level!
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- Casey Ogata
- 09-09-23
Highly Recommend!
Amazing and heart felt story that truly shows the racism and sexism in this country, but it also gives such hope in the idea of what family and identity mean. I highly recommend this book! Carmen Rita Wong is so insightful on the many stories throughout her life, and I hope this book has been a success for her!
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- M
- 12-09-24
Wong's writing is so compelling, I could listen to her describe the most mundane of chores and hold onto every word
pulled an all nighter despite having a big flight in the morning. gripping and so wonderfully told
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- Elissa Garza
- 08-03-22
Couldn’t stop listening
This resonates with me in so many ways. I didn’t know who Carmen was before but I am now a huge fan. She does an excellent job reading it and conveying all of them humor and emotion on the page. I couldn’t ‘put it down’
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