
Unconditional Parenting
Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
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Narrated by:
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Alfie Kohn
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By:
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Alfie Kohn
About this listen
One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.
©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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Reassuring to parents and educators, Einstein Never Used Flash Cards shows why - and how - to step away from the cult of achievement and toward a more nurturing home life full of imaginative play and love of learning. Here's the message that stressed-out parents are craving to hear: It's okay to play! In fact, it's more than just okay - it's better than drilling academics. After decades of research, scientists and child development experts have come to a clear conclusion: Play is the best way for children to learn.
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Biased!
- By ANDRÉ on 09-12-13
By: Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, and others
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Parenting Without Power Struggles
- Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected
- By: Susan Stiffelman
- Narrated by: Susan Stiffelman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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While most parenting programs are designed to coerce kids to change, Parenting Without Power Struggles does something innovative, showing you how to help your children awaken their natural instincts to cooperate, rather than employing threats or bribes, which inevitably fuels their resistance. By staying calm and being the confident "captain of the ship" your child needs, you will learn how to parent from a place of strong, durable connection, and you'll be better able to help your kids navigate the challenging moments of growing up.
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Highly recommended.
- By Nothing really matters on 10-13-13
By: Susan Stiffelman
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Rest, Play, Grow
- Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)
- By: Dr. Deborah MacNamara
- Narrated by: Dr. Deborah MacNamara
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Baffling and beloved, with the capacity to go from joy to frustration in seconds, young children are some of the most misunderstood people on the planet. Parents and caregivers struggle with these little ones, who are known for their extreme behaviour, from tantrums, resistance, and aggression to separation anxiety, bedtime protests, and not listening. The key to understanding youngsters lies in realizing that their challenging behaviour is not personal, nor is it a disorder or deficit.
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Become the parent your kid thinks you are
- By Anonymous User on 01-20-23
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From Surviving to Thriving
- The Art and Science of Guiding Children to Develop Behavioral Regulation
- By: Devina King
- Narrated by: Terri Duncan
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you struggling to guide the children in your life to become kind, responsible, respectful, and successful people? Do you want to avoid coercive methods and instead use effective, evidence-based, respectful guidance techniques? Responding effectively to a child's challenging behaviors is an art informed by science. Like artists need to learn techniques before creating masterpieces, parents, teachers, and therapists can develop their skills to help children thrive.
By: Devina King
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The 10 New Life-Changing Skills
- Get Them and Get Ahead
- By: Rajesh Srivastava
- Narrated by: Rajiv Dadia, Rajesh Srivastava
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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The earlier 3 Industrial Revolutions (3IRs) created blue collar and white-collar jobs, which required people to carry out instructions, not question authority and follow time-tested systems and processes. Now, we are in the midst of the 4th Industrial revolution (4IR), also called Industry 4.0. It is creating ‘green collar’ jobs, which need people to ‘think, reflect and act’. To develop these abilities and perform the green collar jobs efficiently, it is critical that professionals develop certain skills—the 10 new life-changing skills.
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Raising Human Beings
- Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child
- By: Ross W. Greene
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In Raising Human Beings, the renowned child psychologist and New York Times best-selling author of Lost at School and The Explosive Child explains how to cultivate a better parent-child relationship while also nurturing empathy, honesty, resilience, and independence.
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Great parenting advice!
- By J. Reece on 05-09-17
By: Ross W. Greene
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
- By: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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This best-selling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.
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Best. Parenting. Book. Ever.
- By John on 01-02-13
By: Adele Faber, and others
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The Conscious Parent
- Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children
- By: Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- Narrated by: Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents' psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents' development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness. To handle the behavior that results, traditional books on parenting abound with clever techniques for control and quick fixes for dysfunction. In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self.
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Heals both the parent and the child!
- By Ja H on 03-03-15
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The Homework Myth
- Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing
- By: Alfie Kohn
- Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Homework Myth, nationally known educator and parenting expert Alfie Kohn systematically examines the usual defenses of homework - that it promotes higher achievement, "reinforces" learning, and teaches study skills and responsibility. None of these assumptions, he shows, actually passes the test of research, logic, or experience.
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Gold Mine
- By Maria M. Jacob on 09-06-22
By: Alfie Kohn
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The Art of Talking with Children
- The Simple Keys to Nurturing Kindness, Creativity, and Confidence in Kids
- By: Rebecca Rolland
- Narrated by: Jennifer Jill Araya
- Length: 12 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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From a Harvard faculty member and oral language specialist, an invaluable guide that gives listeners evidence-based tools and techniques to communicate more effectively with children in ways that let them foster relationships with less conflict and more joy and kindness.
By: Rebecca Rolland
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Raising Good Humans
- A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids
- By: Hunter Clarke-Fields MSAE, Carla Naumburg PhD
- Narrated by: Jennifer Gilmour
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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With this book, you’ll find powerful mindfulness skills for calming your own stress response when difficult emotions arise. You’ll also discover strategies for cultivating respectful communication, effective conflict resolution, and reflective listening. In the process, you’ll learn to examine your own unhelpful patterns and ingrained reactions that reflect the generational habits shaped by your parents, so you can break the cycle and respond to your children in more skillful ways.
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Great Book About Parenting and Teaching Kindness!
- By Ma P on 09-11-20
By: Hunter Clarke-Fields MSAE, and others
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Free Range Kids
- Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry
- By: Lenore Skenazy
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Lenore Skenazy called down a firestorm of controversy when she wrote a newspaper column about letting her nine-year-old ride alone on the New York City subway. In this plainspoken take on modern parenting, Skenazy offers a commonsense approach to letting kids be kids.
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Plenty to think about
- By C on 08-24-10
By: Lenore Skenazy
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Playful Parenting
- By: Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D.
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Abridged
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Playful Parenting means joining children in their world of play, focusing on connection and confidence, giggling and roughhousing, and following your child's lead. This audiobook is an exciting approach to raising children that will help you nurture close relationships and solve behavior problems.
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How to say "play with your kids" for 100 pages
- By Helpful Reviewer on 10-20-11
What listeners say about Unconditional Parenting
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- Addicted to Amazon
- 09-23-20
1st half 5 stars | 2nd half is 3 stars
This book is tough to rate.
It’s very well thought out. The author backs up 90% of his claims with studies.
I ended the first half agreeing that unconditional love is better for kids and parents then negative or positive rewards.
Basically intrinsic motivation is better then extrinsic motivation.
The book gives plenty of examples of actions and why they are harmful. Some I can relate to.
Part II was spared to explain what to do. This is where the details where missing. Very light on the details of what parents should be doing. It
Is unfortunate. If the author would have taken his examples in part I and given examples of how to solve them with this method, that would have been great. There were some examples, they need more development.
It’s a great book that I would read again.
Know that you are on your own for developing solutions.
I hope the author does a v2 with more explanation.
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1 person found this helpful
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- RS Reviews
- 11-01-18
This book changed my life and it will change yours
If you allow yourself to listen to this book without preconception it will change your life. Thankfully, I stumbled upon this book when my first son was still very young. It confirmed every single thing I kept feeling about how to parent him well. Things that flew in the face of public opinion.
To parent well we must really think about what we want our children to become and do our very best to use that as a compass to navigate the millions of hard moments. There’s a reflex in all of us that wants to respond out of fear and enforce obedience, but if we can’t teusy ourselves and the remarkable humans we are raising, a realizion comes. When we approach parenting from a place of knowing we are raising the most extroudinary humans in existence, that is who they will be come. When we realize just how amazing we are we won’t feel the need to make fear based parenting crackdowns. We will be OK with the unknown because of the larger known truth that we are confident in our love and self awareness of ourselves and those same things that we are imparting to our children.
I will forever be greatful for this life changing book.
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- Maria Ana Carneiro
- 06-07-17
This book changed my whole perspective on life!
I am so grateful for this book. It has changed me from the inside out. It is sophisticated yet effortless because it just makes sense. I want to print these ideas into my everyday life, i want to live and breathe them and hopefully it will make me a happier person as well as those around me, specially my closest family - husband and 4 kids-, but also my extended family.
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- Margaret
- 02-27-20
Insightful, thought provoking
This is the first book I’ve read/listened to by this author and I would listen to another. In fact, I think I’d like the print edition too. This book is very interesting and thought provoking. It helps clarify things from the kids perspective which is sometimes missing in parenting books.
This is the first book I’ve listened to by this author ( he narrates his own book ) and I would listen to another. He narrates the info well and put emphasis in appropriate places- since it is his book - and can help get across ‘the point’. He speaks clearly and precisely.
There is not any swearing.
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and voluntarily left this unbiased review.
Please feel free to comment on whether you found my review helpful.
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- Samantha L.
- 08-20-24
For someone in denial
For authoritarian parents who are stubborn set vs someone who already realizes it’s problematic to parent this way
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- Sandeep S.
- 06-20-20
The best book on parenting I've read
As a mental health professional, you'd think that I would already know much of the information in this book. but this book for me was groundbreaking. While I have had a considerable amount of training on behavioral strategies and a lot of information found in many popular parenting books, this approach to parenting is refreshing and at the same time makes so much sense - as a human being wanting, to take care of, teach, coach, guide, and relate to my kids in a respectful manner. I can't say enough good things about this book. Definitely worth a read.
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3 people found this helpful
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- TheBtmSide
- 06-18-21
Parenting help
This is a must read for all parents. It really changed they way I thing of how I am raising my son. I will be using a lot of this insight.
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- Cliente Amazon
- 08-06-22
mindblowing
this book changed my mind about how to raise children. it changed my mind about how i SEE children. i loved that it was narrated by the author himself. the arguments he presents are very compelling and well explained. loved it. highly recommend.
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- Yendi N. Gomez Bouchot
- 03-03-24
world shattering
as a teenager, this book comforted me during and after fights with my parents. I wish they used these alternatives, and I will re-read this book as a bible when I have my own <3
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- John Erlandsen
- 10-04-24
Thoughtful and engaging
I really liked this book. Makes you think and hopefully makes you more patient with your child and perhaps even other people.
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