
This Shit Only Happens to Me
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
3 months free
Buy for $3.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
K-D.
-
By:
-
K-D.
About this listen
It’s all fun and games...until somebody goes to jail. Grab some herbal tea. You’ll need it.
Here are 10 wild true tales, including:
- "Short and Unsweet"
- "Kissing Cousins"
- "Tag, You It!"
- "It Was 100 Degrees That Day!"
The stories cover scenarios such as these:
- When I met my best friend, he was on trial. I was on the jury.
- One night my homegirl bailed on me. She went clubbing. I went to jail.
- The reason I escaped being arrested at work.
- Which relative I accidentally dated.
- What's with my college roommate and rubbing alcohol?
I can’t make this stuff up.
©2019 K-D. (P)2019 K-D.Listeners also enjoyed...
-
Drunk as Fu*k
- By: Ryan Kanaley
- Narrated by: Tim Alexander
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Although this book outlines my life story surrounding alcohol, and ultimately ending my relationship with it, it also serves as an advisory note to those in similar situations and their loved ones, along with a dash of comedic relief. Even if alcohol or addiction doesn't directly affect you, this book is sure to entertain!
-
-
Absolutely hilarious
- By Anonymous User on 01-26-24
By: Ryan Kanaley
-
Leslie F*cking Jones
- By: Leslie Jones, Chris Rock - foreword
- Narrated by: Leslie Jones, Chris Rock
- Length: 16 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Hey you guys, it’s Leslie. I’m excited to share my story with you. Now, I’m gonna be honest: Some of the details might be vague because a b*tch is fifty-five and she’s smoked a ton of weed. But while bits might be a touch hazy, I can promise you the underlying truth is REAL.
-
-
she's the f*cking BEST
- By Audible Anon on 09-20-23
By: Leslie Jones, and others
-
Tremendous
- The Life of a Comedy Savage
- By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Narrated by: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Outsider. Misfit. Criminal. Convict. . . . Movie star. Family man. Comedy legend. Joey Diaz has been called every name in the book (and then some). Now, for the first time, he shares the story of his unlikely rise to fame in his own words—with no punches pulled.
-
-
Thank you
- By amanda on 05-04-23
By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
-
I'd Like to Play Alone, Please
- Essays
- By: Tom Segura
- Narrated by: Tom Segura
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.
-
-
Hot sauce is the best!
- By Michael Bowen on 06-15-22
By: Tom Segura
-
Trejo
- My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood
- By: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Narrated by: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On screen, Danny Trejo the actor is a baddie who has been killed at least a hundred times. He’s been shot, stabbed, hanged, chopped up, squished by an elevator, and once, was even melted into a bloody goo. Off screen, he’s a hero beloved by recovery communities and obsessed fans alike. But the real Danny Trejo is much more complicated than the legend.
-
-
The best book ever!
- By Nicolas Rocha on 07-08-21
By: Danny Trejo, and others
-
The Autobiography of Gucci Mane
- By: Gucci Mane, Neil Martinez-Belkin
- Narrated by: Guy Lockard
- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For the first time, Gucci Mane tells his story in his own words. It is the captivating life of an artist who forged an unlikely path to stardom and personal rebirth. Gucci Mane began writing his memoir in a maximum-security federal prison. Released in 2016, he emerged radically transformed. He was sober, smiling, focused, and positive - a far cry from the Gucci Mane of years past. Born in rural Bessemer, Alabama, Radric Delantic Davis became Gucci Mane in East Atlanta, where the rap scene is as vibrant as the dope game.
-
-
Loved it
- By Dee on 12-09-17
By: Gucci Mane, and others
-
Drunk as Fu*k
- By: Ryan Kanaley
- Narrated by: Tim Alexander
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Although this book outlines my life story surrounding alcohol, and ultimately ending my relationship with it, it also serves as an advisory note to those in similar situations and their loved ones, along with a dash of comedic relief. Even if alcohol or addiction doesn't directly affect you, this book is sure to entertain!
-
-
Absolutely hilarious
- By Anonymous User on 01-26-24
By: Ryan Kanaley
-
Leslie F*cking Jones
- By: Leslie Jones, Chris Rock - foreword
- Narrated by: Leslie Jones, Chris Rock
- Length: 16 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Hey you guys, it’s Leslie. I’m excited to share my story with you. Now, I’m gonna be honest: Some of the details might be vague because a b*tch is fifty-five and she’s smoked a ton of weed. But while bits might be a touch hazy, I can promise you the underlying truth is REAL.
-
-
she's the f*cking BEST
- By Audible Anon on 09-20-23
By: Leslie Jones, and others
-
Tremendous
- The Life of a Comedy Savage
- By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Narrated by: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Outsider. Misfit. Criminal. Convict. . . . Movie star. Family man. Comedy legend. Joey Diaz has been called every name in the book (and then some). Now, for the first time, he shares the story of his unlikely rise to fame in his own words—with no punches pulled.
-
-
Thank you
- By amanda on 05-04-23
By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
-
I'd Like to Play Alone, Please
- Essays
- By: Tom Segura
- Narrated by: Tom Segura
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.
-
-
Hot sauce is the best!
- By Michael Bowen on 06-15-22
By: Tom Segura
-
Trejo
- My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood
- By: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Narrated by: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On screen, Danny Trejo the actor is a baddie who has been killed at least a hundred times. He’s been shot, stabbed, hanged, chopped up, squished by an elevator, and once, was even melted into a bloody goo. Off screen, he’s a hero beloved by recovery communities and obsessed fans alike. But the real Danny Trejo is much more complicated than the legend.
-
-
The best book ever!
- By Nicolas Rocha on 07-08-21
By: Danny Trejo, and others
-
The Autobiography of Gucci Mane
- By: Gucci Mane, Neil Martinez-Belkin
- Narrated by: Guy Lockard
- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For the first time, Gucci Mane tells his story in his own words. It is the captivating life of an artist who forged an unlikely path to stardom and personal rebirth. Gucci Mane began writing his memoir in a maximum-security federal prison. Released in 2016, he emerged radically transformed. He was sober, smiling, focused, and positive - a far cry from the Gucci Mane of years past. Born in rural Bessemer, Alabama, Radric Delantic Davis became Gucci Mane in East Atlanta, where the rap scene is as vibrant as the dope game.
-
-
Loved it
- By Dee on 12-09-17
By: Gucci Mane, and others
-
Hurricanes
- A Memoir
- By: Rick Ross, Neil Martinez-Belkin
- Narrated by: Guy Lockard
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rick Ross is an indomitable presence in the music industry, but few people know his full story. Now, for the first time, Ross offers a vivid, dramatic and unexpectedly candid account of his early childhood, his tumultuous adolescence and his dramatic ascendancy in the world of hip-hop.
-
-
self righteous boring crap
- By Eric Donovan on 11-12-19
By: Rick Ross, and others
-
Professional Idiot
- A Memoir
- By: Stephen "Steve-O" Glover, David Peisner
- Narrated by: Stephen Steve-O Glover, Stu Stone, full cast
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fame can be addictive. From his early days videotaping crazy skateboard stunts to starring in the blockbuster Jackass franchise, there was little that Stephen “Steve-O” Glover wouldn’t do for attention. Whether it was stapling his nutsack to his leg, diving into a pool full of elephant crap, or routinely risking death invading the private lives of sharks, lions, tigers, and bears, almost nothing was out of bounds. And as the stunts got crazier, his life kept pace.
-
-
Steve-O narrates 1st 53mins then you get a new guy
- By Rob on 06-10-11
By: Stephen "Steve-O" Glover, and others
-
Under and Alone
- The True Story of the Undercover Agent Who Infiltrated America's Most Violent Outlaw Motorcycle Gang
- By: William Queen
- Narrated by: Don Leslie
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In 1998, William Queen was a veteran law-enforcement agent with a lifelong love of motorcycles and a lack of patience with paperwork. When a "confidential informant" made contact with his boss at the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, offering to take an agent inside the San Fernando chapter of the Mongols (the scourge of Southern California, and one of the most dangerous gangs in America), Queen jumped at the chance.
-
-
Great Listen
- By Richard on 02-14-07
By: William Queen
-
Hell's Angel
- The Life and Times of Sonny Barger and the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club
- By: Sonny Barger
- Narrated by: John Pruden
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Narrated by the visionary founding member, Hell's Angel provides a fascinating all-access pass to the secret world of the notorious Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club. Sonny Barger recounts the birth of the original Oakland Hell's Angels and the four turbulent decades that followed. Hell's Angel also chronicles the way the HAMC revolutionized the look of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle and built what has become a worldwide bike-riding fraternity, a beacon for freedom-seekers the world over.
-
-
A must for any true biker
- By Chris B on 06-20-15
By: Sonny Barger
-
Last Words
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: Tony Hendra, Patrick Carlin
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As one of America's preeminent comedic voices, George Carlin saw it all throughout his extraordinary 50-year career and made fun of most of it. Last Words is the story of the man behind some of the most seminal comedy of the last half century, blending his signature acer-bic humor with never-before-told stories from his own life.
-
-
Outstanding insight... Well read
- By AskJoe.TV on 01-10-12
By: George Carlin
-
The Evolution of a Cro-Magnon
- By: John Joseph
- Narrated by: John Joseph
- Length: 19 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The long awaited republishing of NYHC Legend, John Bloodclot Joseph's raw and unfiltered autobiography. As real as it gets! Updated with new chapters.
-
-
amazing
- By Amazon Customer on 09-08-17
By: John Joseph
-
My Infamous Life
- The Autobiography of Mobb Deep's Prodigy
- By: Albert "Prodigy" Johnson, Laura Checkoway
- Narrated by: Albert "Prodigy" Johnson
- Length: 13 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this often violent but always introspective memoir, Mobb Deep’s Prodigy tells his much anticipated story of struggle, survival, and hope down the mean streets of New York City. For the first time, he gives an intimate look at his family background, his battles with drugs, his life of crime, his relentless suffering with sickle-cell anemia, and much more.
-
-
"P" is forever...
- By Anonymous User on 09-22-19
By: Albert "Prodigy" Johnson, and others
-
Damn! Why Did I Write This Book?
- By: JTG
- Narrated by: JTG
- Length: 1 hr and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
JTG, one-half of one of the hottest tag teams in current WWE history, better known as Cryme Tyme, will pull back the curtain and take you behind the scenes into the world of wrestling, sharing controversial yet hilarious stories on how he battled heat.
-
-
'The everybody hates Chris' of Wrestling books
- By Bany on 01-31-16
By: JTG
-
A Pimp's Life
- By: Treasure Hernandez
- Narrated by: Keith Benn Jr.
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the tradition of Donald Goines and Iceberg Slim comes A Pimp’s Life, the story of the rise and fall of Mack Jones. He’s at the top of his pimp game in Queens, New York, until he breaks one of the cardinal rules of Pimping 101 and falls in love with one of his girls. Destiny was once an innocent young girl tricked into selling her body, but now she’s as tough as the most seasoned professionals on the street. Then a tragic turn of events causes her to open her heart once again.
-
-
SMH....
- By Emanuelinc on 12-09-20
-
Street Life
- By: Jihad
- Narrated by: Keith Benn Jr.
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A former inmate, who is now an assistant stock broker and a part-time gang counselor, details his life on the inner city streets of Atlanta as a notorious drug dealer, vividly recreating the his struggle to break the cycle and walk the straight and narrow.
-
-
OH
- By k. dub on 11-08-22
By: Jihad
-
Orlando People
- By: Alexander C. Kane
- Narrated by: Kristen Sieh
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Gretch Wolgast is a bit of a dud. Just ask her. She’s a 21-year-old college dropout who has a loser job at the mall. Sure, she can lift a tennis ball with her telekinetic powers. But only three feet in the air. And she has to be sitting. Gretch is an OP, one of thousands born in Orlando, Florida, in the early 1980s who mysteriously developed the ability to move things with their minds. Unfortunately, she turned out to be the weakest of the bunch. Now, Gretch’s life is being turned upside down. She witnesses a murder and discovers a wide-ranging conspiracy.
-
-
Super(natural) fun!
- By Jules H on 12-12-19
-
Junkie Love
- By: Joe Clifford
- Narrated by: Timothy McKean
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the cow fields of Connecticut to the streets of San Francisco, Joe Clifford's Junkie Love traverses the lost highways of America, down the rocky roads of mental illness to the dead ends of addiction. Based on Clifford's own harrowing experience with drugs as a rock 'n' roll wannabe in the 1990s, the audiobook draws on the best of Kerouac and the Beats, injecting a heavy dose of pulp fiction as it threads a rollicking narrative through a doomed love triangle, lit up by the many strange characters he meets along the way.
-
-
WOW! an inside look into an junkies mind
- By TinkerMel on 05-16-17
By: Joe Clifford