
The All-or-Nothing Marriage
How the Best Marriages Work
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Narrated by:
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Mark Deakins
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By:
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Eli J. Finkel
About this listen
"After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...." (Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss.
The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages - from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional - and shows how any marriage can be better.
The primary functions of marriage from 1620 to 1850 were food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marraige has emerged, one oriented toward self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks".
This is a book for the newlywed to the empy nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.
Includes a PDF of Supplemental Images and Graphics
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2017 Eli J. Finkel (P)2017 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now. In his All-or-Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel reveals the fascinating ways in which marriage has evolved and the things we can all do to help this all-important relationship flourish. You will definitely want to read this book.” (Carol Dweck, Stanford professor and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
“If you’ve ever wondered what science has to say about how marriage has changed over time and what makes for a great one, this is the book to read. Eli Finkel is one of the world’s leading experts on relationships, and his insights are both comprehensive and revealing.” (Adam Grant, author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B, coauthored with Sheryl Sandberg)
“Eli Finkel has written an incredible analysis of the state of marriage and a useful guide for everyone trying to make their relationship work better. He also promised us cheeseburgers if we wrote this blurb. Please get those to us ASAP, Eli.” (Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, coauthors of Modern Romance)
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Mindshift reveals how we can overcome stereotypes and preconceived ideas about what is possible for us to learn and become. At a time when we are constantly being asked to retrain and reinvent ourselves to adapt to new technologies and changing industries, this book shows us how we can uncover and develop talents we didn't realize we had - no matter what our age or background.
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Learning by anecdote
- By Mark B. on 08-11-17
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Reclaiming Conversation
- The Power of Talk in a Digital Age
- By: Sherry Turkle
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 13 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned media scholar Sherry Turkle investigates how a flight from conversation undermines our relationships, creativity, and productivity - and why reclaiming face-to-face conversation can help us regain lost ground. We live in a technological universe in which we are always communicating. And yet we have sacrificed conversation for mere connection. Preeminent author and researcher Sherry Turkle has been studying digital culture for over 30 years. Long an enthusiast for its possibilities, here she investigates a troubling consequence.
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So good, I had to stop listening.
- By Turtle 1 on 12-30-15
By: Sherry Turkle
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Undoing Depression
- What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You
- By: Richard O'Connor PhD
- Narrated by: Allan Robertson
- Length: 12 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Depression rates around the world have skyrocketed in the 20‑plus years since Richard O'Connor first published his classic book on living with and overcoming depression. Nearly 40 million American adults suffer from the condition, which affects nearly every aspect of life, from relationships to job performance, physical health, productivity, and, of course, overall happiness. And in an increasingly stressful and overwhelming world, it's more important than ever to understand the causes and effects of depression, and what we can do to overcome it.
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Me sacó del pozo
- By Ignacio Basello on 04-18-24
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Sizing People Up
- A Veteran FBI Agent's User Manual for Behavior Prediction
- By: Robin Dreeke, Cameron Stauth
- Narrated by: Robin Dreeke
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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After two decades as a behavior analyst in the FBI, Robin Dreeke knows a thing or two about sizing people up. He's navigated complex situations that range from handling Russian spies to navigating the internal politics at the Bureau. Through that experience, he was forced to develop a knack for reading people - their intentions, their capabilities, their desires and their fears. In Sizing People Up, Dreeke shares his simple, six-step system that helps you predict anyone's future behavior based on their words, goals, patterns of action, and the situation at hand.
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Self Reflection
- By IC on 07-20-20
By: Robin Dreeke, and others
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Tell Me More
- Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say
- By: Kelly Corrigan
- Narrated by: Kelly Corrigan
- Length: 4 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a crazy idea: trying to name the phrases that make love and connection possible. But that's just what Kelly Corrigan has set out to do here. In her New York Times best-selling memoirs, Corrigan distilled our core relationships to their essences, showcasing a warm, easy storytelling style. Now, in Tell Me More, she's back with a deeply personal, unfailingly honest, and often hilarious examination of the essential phrases that turn the wheel of life.
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hard but worth it
- By erssmith on 09-19-18
By: Kelly Corrigan
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Off the Clock
- Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done
- By: Laura Vanderkam
- Narrated by: Laura Vanderkam
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In this book, Vanderkam reveals the seven counter-intuitive principles the most time-free people have adopted. She teaches mindset shifts to help you feel calm on the busiest days and tools to help you get more done without feeling overwhelmed. The strategies in this book can help if your life feels out of control, but they can also help if you want to take your career, your relationships, and your personal happiness to the next level. Vanderkam has packed this book with insights from busy yet relaxed professionals, including "time makeovers" of people learning how to use these tools.
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Excellent insight into how to change your mindset to get more enjoyment out of life
- By Susan Cameron on 06-20-18
By: Laura Vanderkam
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Brain Wash
- Detox Your Mind for Clearer Thinking, Deeper Relationships, and Lasting Happiness
- By: David Perlmutter MD, Austin Perlmutter MD, Kristin Loberg
- Narrated by: Peter Ganim
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Contemporary life provides us with infinite opportunities, along with endless temptations. We can eat whatever we want, whenever we want. We can buy goods and services for rapid delivery. But living in this 24/7 hyper-reality poses serious risks to our physical and mental states, our connections to others, and even to the world at large. Brain Wash builds from a simple premise: Our brains are being gravely manipulated, resulting in behaviors that leave us more lonely, anxious, depressed, distrustful, illness-prone, and overweight than ever before.
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Poor performance and poor writing.
- By Julie on 01-21-20
By: David Perlmutter MD, and others
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The Narcissist in Your Life
- Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free
- By: Julie L. Hall
- Narrated by: Rosanne Rubino
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has a profoundly dehumanizing effect on those subject to its distortions, manipulations, and rage. The Narcissist in Your Life illuminates the emotionally annihilating experience of narcissistic abuse in families and relationships, acknowledges the complex emotional and physical trauma that results, and assists survivors with compassionate, practical advice on the path of recovery.
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Exceptional Read
- By Barbara E. Kessling on 05-08-20
By: Julie L. Hall
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Better Than Before
- Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives
- By: Gretchen Rubin
- Narrated by: Gretchen Rubin
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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The author of the blockbuster New York Times best sellers The Happiness Project and Happier at Home tackles the critical question: How do we change? Gretchen Rubin's answer: through habits. Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. It takes work to make a habit, but once that habit is set, we can harness the energy of habits to build happier, stronger, more productive lives.
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Don't Waste Your Money
- By Stacie M on 04-23-15
By: Gretchen Rubin
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The Power of Meaning
- Crafting a Life That Matters
- By: Emily Esfahani Smith
- Narrated by: Mozhan Marnò
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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This wise, stirring book argues that the search for meaning can immeasurably deepen our lives and is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness. There is a myth in our culture that the search for meaning is some esoteric pursuit - that you have to travel to a distant monastery or page through dusty volumes to figure out life's great secret. The truth is, there are untapped sources of meaning all around us - right here, right now.
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Meandering
- By LS on 09-27-17
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The Child in You
- The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self
- By: Stefanie Stahl
- Narrated by: Leslie Howard
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Child in You, psychologist Stefanie Stahl guides you, step by step, through her therapeutic method that has helped millions to peel away these layers and reconnect with their inner child - both the shadow child, representing our deepest insecurities and the part of our self-esteem that is injured and unstable, and the sun child, representing our greatest joys and the part of our self-esteem that remains positive and intact.
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Too repetitive
- By Roger D on 06-26-24
By: Stefanie Stahl
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Smart, Not Loud
- How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons
- By: Jessica Chen
- Narrated by: Jessica Chen
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Building on the lessons she learned as an award-winning TV news journalist, Chen—who now speaks at Fortune 100 companies and whose LinkedIn Learning courses have been watched by over 2 million people—introduces a new way of getting noticed at work, without being loud, aggressive, or boastful. In Smart, Not Loud, Chen teaches listeners how they can look within, to the values they already hold, to more effectively show up.
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Had high hopes but disappointed.
- By michael perry on 03-09-25
By: Jessica Chen
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The Scaffold Effect
- Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant, and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety
- By: Harold S. Koplewicz
- Narrated by: Harold S. Koplewicz
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.
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Disappointed
- By Jaimie Sauer on 08-04-21
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The Alchemy of Your Dreams
- A Modern Guide to the Ancient Art of Lucid Dreaming and Interpretation
- By: Athena Laz
- Narrated by: Athena Laz
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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We know that sleep is vital for rest and rejuvenation, but what if this time could be used for something more? What if our dreams really are telling us something? Psychologist and dream expert Athena Laz has dedicated her career to uncovering the wisdom of our dreams and revolutionizing what it means to be in touch with ourselves and the universe. Packed with exercises and step-by-step instructions, The Alchemy of Your Dreams teaches listeners how to interpret their dreams in order to achieve more in their waking lives.
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Way different than I expected. But very good!
- By Destiny on 11-16-22
By: Athena Laz
What listeners say about The All-or-Nothing Marriage
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- Steven Hassan PhD
- 02-25-23
Excellence resource: highly recommended
A great review of the history of marriage and how it continues to evolve in the 21st century. It is practical, well researched and I believe would help a lot of married couples meet their core needs and support their partners needs too. I ordered the paperback too.
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- Jenabu I Kinchen
- 03-31-25
Setting your own course for success with your partner. Always Working on yourself first.
Very good comprehensive view of the origin of marriage, what it’s become; and how to best navigate it for success for yourself and your partner
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- Thomas J Nebesar
- 06-20-18
well executed and thorough.
great conceptual models, historical reference, and narrative journey. Approaches examining a marriage from thought before emotion.
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- Alicia H
- 02-28-21
no new insights
The book solidified a lot of what i already knew, it was a good refresher
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- Bob Koncerak
- 02-26-18
Informative, thoughtful and with a bit of humor
It was surprisingly helpful for me to have context around the history and expectations of the marriage relationship. Having only experienced the perception of marriage by way of my own upbringing, I found the author's approach enlightening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful. I benefitted from a series of 'epiphanies' in listening to the findings of fundamental research regarding common social challenges to lifelong marriage. Of biggest help to me was the realization of how much contemporary couples can place on our spouse for personal fulfillment. Good stuff. I would never have READ this entire book, as the research recitation was sometimes tedious, but it was an easy and interesting listen.
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9 people found this helpful
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- Hayden Dover
- 08-25-23
Best relationship book ever
This is definitely the best relationship book I've read. I highly recommend reading this book!
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- CodeMonkey
- 10-16-19
Exactly the Cerebral Investigation I Wanted
I highly recommend "The All or Nothing Marriage" for those who are either intellectually curious about the norms of marriage, the validities of such norms, the direction marriage is taking in our culture, where it's come from in the past, why things are so hard, or are otherwise questioning the fulfillment of their marriage. Very interesting book with lots to think about and practical advice of sorts.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rodolfo Agostini
- 06-02-21
Good book to acquire perspective
Very informative, loved that it is practical and gives examples about situations so that you can not only understand the concept, but learn how to recognize it!.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Misty Durham
- 08-29-18
Realistically improve in your marriage
The love hacks were realistic and simple. The history of marriage and the expectations we have of a marriage was so interesting. I definitely plan to implement some of the ideas from this book into my own marriage
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- FierceT
- 02-23-18
The only part I found useful were the very lat chapters
The narrator was ok, but I did not like the fact that more than half of the book is spent on the history of marriage. I understand wanting to provide the readers with context, but most people that buy these books are looking for practical advice.
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3 people found this helpful