
Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
A Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong
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Narrated by:
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Michael Butler Murray
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By:
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Steven Petrow
About this listen
Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of "things I won't do when I get old" - mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something-year-old parents were doing wrong. That list became the basis of this rousing collection of dos and don'ts, wills and won'ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.
The fact is, we don't want to age the way previous generations did. "Old people" hoard. They bore relatives - and strangers alike - with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they've become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at four p.m. They swear they don't need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way....
In Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, "I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder - to me - to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to 'old.'" Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.
©2021 Steven Petrow (P)2021 HighBridge, a division of Recorded BooksListeners also enjoyed...
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By: David Sedaris
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You Are Now Less Dumb
- How to Conquer Mob Mentality, How to Buy Happiness, and All the Other Ways to Outsmart Yourself
- By: David McRaney
- Narrated by: Don Hagen
- Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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You Are Now Less Dumb is grounded in the idea that we all believe ourselves to be objective observers of reality - except we’re not. But that's okay, because our delusions keep us sane. Expanding on this premise, McRaney provides eye-opening analyses of 15 more ways we fool ourselves every day. This smart and highly entertaining audiobook will be wowing listeners for years to come.
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Not a lot of guidance
- By A. Yoshida on 02-08-14
By: David McRaney
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The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book
- 101 of Chuck's Favorite Facts and Stories
- By: Chuck Norris
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 4 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Hundreds of thousands of humorous Chuck Norris facts have been published, traveled around the globe via internet, and gained an international audience of millions. "Chuck Norris facts" is a quirky, but extremely popular internet phenomenon that has entertained fans from all over the globe.
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Amazingly good - better than expected
- By Alan Rither on 12-31-09
By: Chuck Norris
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The Pale-Faced Lie
- A True Story
- By: David Crow
- Narrated by: Kaipo Schwab
- Length: 11 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up on the Navajo Indian Reservation, David Crow and his siblings idolized their dad. Tall, strong, smart, and brave, the self-taught Cherokee regaled his family with stories of his World War II feats. But as time passed, David discovered the other side of Thurston Crow, the ex-con with his own code of ethics that justified cruelty, violence, lies - even murder. A shrewd con artist with a genius IQ, Thurston intimidated David with beatings to coerce him into doing his criminal bidding. David's mom, too mentally ill to care for her children, couldn't protect him.
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Best new release I’ve read!
- By A. Deal on 02-17-20
By: David Crow
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This Is Getting Old
- Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity
- By: Susan Moon
- Narrated by: Susan Moon
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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In this intimate and funny collection of essays on the sometimes confusing, sometimes poignant, sometimes hilarious condition of being a woman over 60, Susan Moon keeps her sense of humor and she keeps her listener fully engaged. Among the pieces she has included here are an essay on the gratitude she feels for her weakening bones; observations on finding herself both an orphan and a matriarch following the death of her mother; musings on her tendency to regret the past.
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Kill me now
- By Brustar on 03-21-21
By: Susan Moon
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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F*cking History
- 111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
- By: The Captain
- Narrated by: The Captain
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
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Not what I expected
- By J Lewis on 03-28-21
By: The Captain
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We Few
- US Special Forces in Vietnam
- By: Nick Brokhausen
- Narrated by: George Spelvin
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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A Green Beret's gripping memoir of American Special Forces in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War.
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Is there such a thing as funny war genre ??
- By dax on 11-04-18
By: Nick Brokhausen
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You Are Not So Smart
- Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself
- By: David McRaney
- Narrated by: Don Hagen
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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An entertaining illumination of the stupid beliefs that make us feel wise. You believe you are a rational, logical being who sees the world as it really is, but journalist David McRaney is here to tell you that you're as deluded as the rest of us. But that's OK - delusions keep us sane. You Are Not So Smart is a celebration of self-delusion. It's like a psychology class, with all the boring parts taken out, and with no homework. Based on the popular blog of the same name, You Are Not So Smart collects more than 46 of the lies we tell ourselves everyday.
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Covers a lot of old territory
- By Sarah Dumoulin on 07-19-12
By: David McRaney
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It's Kind of a Funny Story
- By: Ned Vizzini
- Narrated by: Robert Fass
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life-which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself.
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Really bad story
- By Nora on 08-20-18
By: Ned Vizzini
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Three Ordinary Girls
- The Remarkable Story of Three Dutch Teenagers Who Became Spies, Saboteurs, Nazi Assassins and WWII Heroes
- By: Tim Brady
- Narrated by: David de Vries
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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May 10, 1940. The Netherlands was swarming with Third Reich troops. In seven days it's entirely occupied by Nazi Germany. Joining a small resistance cell in the Dutch city of Haarlem were three teenage girls: Hannie Schaft, and sisters Truus and Freddie Oversteegen, who would soon band together to form a singular female underground squad.
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Communist fan fiction
- By Rodney on 03-12-23
By: Tim Brady
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Happy-Go-Lucky
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Back when restaurant menus were still printed on paper, and wearing a mask—or not—was a decision made mostly on Halloween, David Sedaris spent his time doing normal things. As Happy-Go-Lucky opens, he is learning to shoot guns with his sister, visiting muddy flea markets in Serbia, buying gummy worms to feed to ants, and telling his nonagenarian father wheelchair jokes. But then the pandemic hits, and like so many others, he’s stuck in lockdown, unable to tour and read for audiences, the part of his work he loves most.
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Great except for an audio glitch
- By Rynnkins on 06-01-22
By: David Sedaris
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Interesting Stories for Curious People
- A Collection of Fascinating Stories About History, Science, Pop Culture and Just About Anything Else You Can Think Of
- By: Bill O'Neill
- Narrated by: Robin LaRose
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Want to impress your buddies at the bar? Need to think of something interesting to do at the next family gathering? Want to learn a bunch of random facts about history, science, true crime, and the paranormal? Listen to Interesting Stories for Curious People, the ultimate guidebook for a plethora of interesting facts about a whole bunch of several different topics. A quick listen packed with information.
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no...not again...not for me
- By Still here...still on 09-23-20
By: Bill O'Neill
What listeners say about Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
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- A Mom
- 12-27-23
Read this every six months
At 63 years of age, it is imperative that I read/listen to this book every six months as a good reminder in establishing a good way to live my life to the full and not to discomfort the folks I love around me in the process!
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- Cynthia A. Clark
- 04-02-23
Reflection of my own life
I laughed and cried through the book which could have been me and my siblings’ story as we tried to help our parents “age in place”! I too had a list of things I won’t do when I get old and now I’ll add to that list 😏
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- KCMC
- 10-03-24
Should be required reading at age 60
Better than I expected. Humorous but excellent advice and insights. I’ve been recommending it to friends.
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- Chanelle Lounsbury
- 09-26-24
Eye Opener to Aging
I like how this book goes from being funny and you can't help but laugh and eye roll to what they are saying to having compassion for those who are older. I'm in my late 30s and this has given me a better perspective of what my parents are going through and how I can be more patient with them. And more patient to my grandparents. I want planning on having a life lesson with this but I did and I'm so happy I found this book.
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-10-23
Poignant and On Point!
Steven captured so many aspects of life particularly for gay men in their sixties like myself. There were so many parallels and “Yes!” moments. His ability and honesty to write about so many personal aspects of his life are refreshing and relatable. And yes, there is both validation, guidance, and even permission to have thoughts like these. “Yes, you’re okay.” Thanks, Mr. Petrow.
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1 person found this helpful
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- TS
- 08-20-22
Reminders For a Fulfilling Life in Our Later Years
This book really made me reflect on how to embrace my coming later years. Adjust to the changes, let your loved ones know how much you love them, and have more compassion for folks older than ourselves as hopefully we will still be around to join those elder folks!
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- Mark
- 08-22-21
Fun listen
Used the one about being cold on my wife. Now I can set the AC at 72!
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- Rachel Grey
- 01-28-23
Relevant to nearly everyone
Not every chapter resonated, but, oddly, while I was reading this book I got several reminders of how widely relevant the material is -- like a friend blogging about her mother falling while not using her walker. I was able to recommend the book two or three times as a possible discussion starter, which is kind of amazing for a book I picked up for a few pragmatic later-in-life tips that, I hoped, would be presented with a sense of humor. I would have enjoyed this more in print form than in audio format, as I would have liked to skim and go a bit faster in a few places. But was it thought-provoking and tremendously relevant? Yes.
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- lori Fiore
- 10-12-21
Didn’t think I was looking in the mirror
Very good book, thought it would be amusing,and it was! But I didn’t think it would be a mirror of some things in my life!
A good time in my life to read(or listen) grounding perspectives!
Thank you!
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- pschi
- 10-24-21
How could somente get old and bem só imature?
uma pessoa vivendo no centro do mundo, que não aprendeu o que é a vida, incapaz de lidar com frustrações e dificuldades. sua lições de como envelhecer são de uma primariamente que surpreende.
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