
Irrelationship
How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $19.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Aaron Welch
About this listen
An important and transformative guide that addresses the protective, yet dysfunctional dynamic where couples avoid genuine connection with an unsatisfying pattern of false intimacy. Drawing on their extensive clinical experience, the authors look at "song and dance" behavioral routines repeatedly performed by couples in irrelationships and delve into the most difficult emotions and actions to help listeners achieve personal breakthroughs.
Written for anyone who wants to understand unhealthy patterns and how to change them, Irrelationships will help listeners develop interpersonal skills, creating a new opportunity to heal and restore loving relationships.
Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute.
Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987 and has worked for almost two decades in community-based programs.
©2015 Mark B. Borg, Jr., Grant Hilary Brenner, and John Berry (P)2016 Mark B. Borg, Jr., Grant Hilary Brenner, and John BerryListeners also enjoyed...
-
Relationship Sanity: Creating and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
- By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD, Grant H. Brenner MD, Daniel Berry RN MHA
- Narrated by: D. Paul Faulkner
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
People in resilient relationships are co-owners, experience reciprocity, and are better prepared to meet challenges authentically and effectively. This invaluable sequel to the best-selling Irrelationship reviews the concept created by the authors and develops the DREAM Sequence, a tool for couples to address the perennial issues facing relationships, striving for meaningful connection, and maintaining intimacy, which results in the desired goal of “relationship sanity”.
By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD, and others
-
How to Know a Person
- The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
- By: David Brooks
- Narrated by: David Brooks
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them?
-
-
A book he was ready to write
- By Adam Shields on 11-17-23
By: David Brooks
-
How to Be the Love You Seek
- Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships
- By: Dr. Nicole LePera
- Narrated by: Courtney Patterson
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.
-
-
The conclusion— was this one big rationalization for self indulgence?
- By Susan G DeLorenzo on 04-30-24
-
Don't Be a Dick
- Change Yourself, Change Your World
- By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anyone, at any time, can slip into being a dick - and many do. Yet Don't Be a Dick is especially for people who have noticed how their own behavior tends to backfire, leaving them feeling isolated or uncertain why their seemingly justified actions consistently have such poor results. If you're constantly using the refrain, "It's not me, it's them," whenever something goes wrong, Mark Borg is here to tell you that it is, in fact, you. The good news is there is something you can do to reverse these behaviors and live a happier, more fulfilling life.
-
-
Bait and Switch...and that’s a good thing
- By Dr. M on 12-30-19
-
The Mastery of Love
- A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship
- By: don Miguel Ruiz
- Narrated by: Jill Eikenberry, Michael Tucker
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.
-
-
An amazing book!
- By Luda S on 10-13-06
By: don Miguel Ruiz
-
The Tools
- Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity
- By: Barry Michels, Phil Stutz
- Narrated by: Phil Stutz, Barry Michels
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A groundbreaking book about personal growth that presents a uniquely effective set of five tools that bring about dynamic change. The Tools offers a solution to the biggest complaint patients have about therapy: the interminable wait for change to begin. The traditional therapeutic model sets its sights on the past, but Phil Stutz and Barry Michels employ an arsenal of techniques - "the tools" - that allow patients to use their problems as levers that access the power of the unconscious and propel them into action.
-
-
You Owe It to Yourself to Try
- By Jennifer on 08-24-12
By: Barry Michels, and others
-
Relationship Sanity: Creating and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
- By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD, Grant H. Brenner MD, Daniel Berry RN MHA
- Narrated by: D. Paul Faulkner
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
People in resilient relationships are co-owners, experience reciprocity, and are better prepared to meet challenges authentically and effectively. This invaluable sequel to the best-selling Irrelationship reviews the concept created by the authors and develops the DREAM Sequence, a tool for couples to address the perennial issues facing relationships, striving for meaningful connection, and maintaining intimacy, which results in the desired goal of “relationship sanity”.
By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD, and others
-
How to Know a Person
- The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
- By: David Brooks
- Narrated by: David Brooks
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them?
-
-
A book he was ready to write
- By Adam Shields on 11-17-23
By: David Brooks
-
How to Be the Love You Seek
- Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships
- By: Dr. Nicole LePera
- Narrated by: Courtney Patterson
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.
-
-
The conclusion— was this one big rationalization for self indulgence?
- By Susan G DeLorenzo on 04-30-24
-
Don't Be a Dick
- Change Yourself, Change Your World
- By: Mark B. Borg Jr. PhD
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anyone, at any time, can slip into being a dick - and many do. Yet Don't Be a Dick is especially for people who have noticed how their own behavior tends to backfire, leaving them feeling isolated or uncertain why their seemingly justified actions consistently have such poor results. If you're constantly using the refrain, "It's not me, it's them," whenever something goes wrong, Mark Borg is here to tell you that it is, in fact, you. The good news is there is something you can do to reverse these behaviors and live a happier, more fulfilling life.
-
-
Bait and Switch...and that’s a good thing
- By Dr. M on 12-30-19
-
The Mastery of Love
- A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship
- By: don Miguel Ruiz
- Narrated by: Jill Eikenberry, Michael Tucker
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.
-
-
An amazing book!
- By Luda S on 10-13-06
By: don Miguel Ruiz
-
The Tools
- Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity
- By: Barry Michels, Phil Stutz
- Narrated by: Phil Stutz, Barry Michels
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A groundbreaking book about personal growth that presents a uniquely effective set of five tools that bring about dynamic change. The Tools offers a solution to the biggest complaint patients have about therapy: the interminable wait for change to begin. The traditional therapeutic model sets its sights on the past, but Phil Stutz and Barry Michels employ an arsenal of techniques - "the tools" - that allow patients to use their problems as levers that access the power of the unconscious and propel them into action.
-
-
You Owe It to Yourself to Try
- By Jennifer on 08-24-12
By: Barry Michels, and others
-
The Love Prescription
- Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy
- By: John Gottman PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman PhD
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin, Kiiri Sandy
- Length: 4 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What makes love last? Why does one couple stay together forever, while another falls apart? And most importantly, is there a scientific formula for love? Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman are the world’s leading relationship scientists. For the past forty years, they have been studying love. They’ve gathered data on over three thousand couples, looking at everything from their body language to the way they converse to their stress hormone levels. Their goal: to identify the building blocks of love.
-
-
Helpful for neurotypicals
- By Audrey4791 on 01-19-23
By: John Gottman PhD, and others
-
How to Do the Work
- Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self
- By: Dr. Nicole LePera
- Narrated by: Courtney Patterson
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera often found herself frustrated by the limitations of traditional psychotherapy. Wanting more for her patients—and for herself—she began a journey to develop a united philosophy of mental, physical and spiritual wellness that equips people with the interdisciplinary tools necessary to heal themselves. After experiencing the life-changing results herself, she began to share what she'd learned with others—and soon "The Holistic Psychologist" was born. Now, Dr. LePera is ready to share her much-requested protocol with the world.
-
-
Mindfulness advertisement
- By Sam on 07-22-21
-
The Relationship Cure
- A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
- By: John Gottman PhD, Joan DeClaire
- Narrated by: John Gottman PhD
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A five-step guide for building better connections with family, friends, and lovers, The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all the relationships in your life.
-
-
Buy in Print. Audiobook good only as refresher.
- By Mark Taylor on 06-04-12
By: John Gottman PhD, and others
-
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents' emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you'll learn how to create positive new relationships so you can build a better life.
-
-
Astonishing information.
- By K J Sunflower on 07-20-16
-
Anxiously Attached
- Becoming More Secure in Life and Love
- By: Jessica Baum LMHC
- Narrated by: Jessica Baum LMHC
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An estimated 47 million Americans identify as having an anxious attachment style, which can make being in relationships turbulent and emotionally taxing for them. According to groundbreaking research in the field of attachment, anxious types are more prone to insecurity, jealousy, codependency, and other behaviors that get in the way of finding and sustaining love.
-
-
So slow
- By RSC on 04-20-23
-
Attached
- The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
- By: Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
- Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
-
-
Good book - just not a good one for Audible
- By Mark on 02-01-20
By: Amir Levine, and others
-
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
- By: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.
-
-
Wake up call !
- By sashy on 08-18-16
-
Getting the Love You Want
- A Guide for Couples: Third Edition
- By: Harville Hendrix, Helen LaKelly Hunt
- Narrated by: Harville Hendrix, Helen LaKelly Hunt
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The New York Times best-selling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, now fully revised with a new foreword and a brand-new chapter.
-
-
Terrible narration
- By Nancy on 04-30-19
By: Harville Hendrix, and others
-
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing
- Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love
- By: Susan Anderson
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups-whether they are suffering from a recent loss or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships or they are in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, this book provides a complete program for abandonment recovery.
-
-
Amazing Book
- By Dan on 03-16-16
By: Susan Anderson
-
I'm Working on It in Therapy
- How to Get the Most Out of Pyschotherapy
- By: Gary Trosclair
- Narrated by: Chris Kayser
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Learn to get the most out of therapy to unlock your best self. Millions of Americans will go to therapy this year, but veteran psychotherapist Gary Trosclair believes the vast majority of them will start the process with little to no sense of how to best use their sessions to achieve their goals. Recent research has identified effective client participation as one of the most crucial factors in successful therapy.
-
-
Insightful and helpful infor for seeking therapy
- By Keisha B on 01-30-22
By: Gary Trosclair
-
Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members
- Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut
- By: Sherrie Campbell PhD, Wendy T. Behary LCSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Sherrie Campbell
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Do you have a toxic family member? Do you feel like cutting ties with this person—even as painful and scary as that may sound—would dramatically increase your well-being and improve your life? You're not alone. In Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members, psychologist and toxic family survivor Sherrie Campbell offers effective strategies for setting strong boundaries after ending contact with a toxic family member, and provides powerful tools to help you heal from shame, self-doubt, and stigma. You'll find the validation you need to embrace your decision with pride.
-
-
Taking my power back
- By INDIGENOUSLY EDS on 04-13-24
By: Sherrie Campbell PhD, and others
-
Beyond Boundaries
- Learning to Trust Again in Relationships
- By: John Townsend
- Narrated by: John Townsend
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For when your trust has been broken: Discover how to set firm boundaries again, how to connect deeply without being hurt, and how to safely grow your most intimate relationships. Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk.
-
-
VERY Christian oriented
- By KK on 06-30-12
By: John Townsend
What listeners say about Irrelationship
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Randal Weidenaar
- 10-12-16
insightful about the workings of relationship
This book helps us to understand the complexities of our relationships and how we play games that we're not even really aware of sometimes. By helping us identify the unhealthy ways we've been relating, it opens up new frontiers for healthy relationships.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- L.L.
- 04-09-17
Great book -poorly edited audio/voice recording
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
I would recommend the content of the book, which is great! But I would not recommend the audiobook as there were many errors in the recording and it was poorly done. Too bad, because it's a great book.
How could the performance have been better?
A final edit.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
2 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Aaron Mitchum
- 09-12-16
A must read
The recording seems to be not the final draft. Once you hear the narrator flub a words and say, "Ah, I need to take that again." There are also weird audio discrepancies with the word, oxytocin. Other than that though, the performance is solid. Weird.
Anyways, fantastic book, very helpful. I'm a licensed therapist and psychoanalyst in training and I have learned a lot reading this.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Keith Davis
- 03-05-25
Did not like.
The book was way too wordy and hard to understand. Also, I did not appreciate the acceptance of same-sex relationships.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!