
But What Will People Say?
Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures
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Narrated by:
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Sahaj Kaur Kohli MAEd LGPC
About this listen
“This wonderful book is a compass, a blueprint, a mirror, and a friend. Kohli gives language to what many of us feel but can’t yet articulate.”—Erika L. Sánchez, New York Times bestselling author of I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
“Loving, culturally informed, and holistic... [Kohli] compassionately shares her own story, and guides readers through the nuances and pain of assimilation, individuation, and mental health. How I wish I had this book back when I was trying to figure it all out for myself!”—Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of It’s Not You
A deeply personal, paradigm-shifting book rethinking traditional therapy and self-care, creating much-needed space for those left out of the narrative
Writer and therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli grew up knowing exactly what it means to straddle multiple cultures at once. Like many children of immigrants, she has often found herself plagued by questions: Can I establish my own values and embrace where I come from? Is prioritizing my mental health really rejecting my culture? How do I set boundaries and care for myself when family and community mean everything? Even after becoming a therapist herself, she saw those same gaps in the mental health world, leading her to wonder, like so many children of immigrants: what about us?
While conversations around mental health are becoming increasingly open, our models remain largely Eurocentric and focused on individuality. Sahaj has sought to challenge these long-held models, using deep personal reflection, therapy, community building, and a whole lot of trial and error, eventually navigating her own way to understanding and acceptance. Here, she shows us how to get there, all the while reminding us that personal healing is inextricably connected to collective healing.
But What Will People Say? elegantly weaves together personal narrative, anecdotal analysis, and comprehensive research. Sahaj offers advice and tools for everything from navigating generational trauma, guilt, and boundaries, to breaking down stigmas around therapy and celebrating cultural duality. Democratizing and decolonizing the way we think about mental health and self-help, Sahaj’s incredible work is nothing short of a revolution.
*Includes a downloadable PDF of tables and exercises from the book
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2024 Sahaj Kaur Kohli (P)2024 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“As a therapist and journalist, [Kohli] has explored the struggles of children of immigrants searching for what’s normal and where they can fit in...It’s the book she longed for in her youth; hopefully, it will be a guide for others facing similar challenges.”—Booklist
“This wonderful book is a compass, a blueprint, a mirror, and a friend. Kohli gives language to what many of us feel but can’t yet articulate. At times it was as if I were reading my own story, now equipped with the tools to understand and thrive in this confusing world.”—Erika L. Sánchez, New York Times bestselling author of I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
“For those of us who straddle cultures and countries, it can often feel like we don’t really know who we are, where we belong, and what feels truly authentic to us. Sahaj Kaur Kohli understands this intimately and gives us language to understand our experiences, and tools to help us bridge our personal need for individuation with our cultural needs for community. For children of immigrants looking to do the intergenerational work of healing, decolonization, and collective liberation, this book is a must read.”—Layla F. Saad, New York Times bestselling author of Me and White Supremacy
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- By Penny posey on 09-25-19
By: Marc Randolph
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Nazi Wives
- The Women at the Top of Hitler's Germany
- By: James Wyllie
- Narrated by: Dalya Raphael
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Goering, Goebbels, Himmler, Heydrich, Hess, Bormann - names synonymous with power and influence in the Third Reich. Perhaps less familiar are Carin, Emmy, Magda, Margarete, Lina, Ilse, and Gerda. These are the women behind the infamous men - complex individuals with distinctive personalities who were captivated by Hitler and whose everyday lives were governed by Nazi ideology. Throughout the rise and fall of Nazism these women loved and lost, raised families, and quarreled with their husbands and each other, all the while jostling for position with the Fuhrer himself.
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Scary
- By Three River on 05-15-21
By: James Wyllie
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You'll Grow Out of It
- By: Jessi Klein
- Narrated by: Jessi Klein
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In You'll Grow Out of It, Jessi Klein offers - through an incisive collection of real-life stories - a relentlessly funny yet poignant take on a variety of topics she has experienced along her strange journey to womanhood and beyond. These include her "transformation from Pippi Longstocking-esque tomboy to are-you-a-lesbian-or-what tom man", attempting to find watchable porn, and identifying the difference between being called "ma'am" and "miss" (" miss sounds like you weigh 99 pounds").
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I like this woman so much!
- By Sarah F. on 07-24-16
By: Jessi Klein
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A Minute to Think
- Reclaim Creativity, Conquer Busyness, and Do Your Best Work
- By: Juliet Funt
- Narrated by: Juliet Funt
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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In A Minute to Think, Juliet Funt, a globally recognized warrior in the battle against busyness, provides a powerful guide that will give you the permission, framework, and specific direction you need.
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Thought Provoking
- By Amazon Customer on 11-13-21
By: Juliet Funt
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I'm Judging You
- The Do-Better Manual
- By: Luvvie Ajayi
- Narrated by: Luvvie Ajayi
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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With over 500,000 readers a month at her enormously popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi is a go-to source for smart takes on pop culture. I'm Judging You is her debut book of humorous essays that dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives - from the importance of the newest Shonda Rhimes television drama to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook.
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I have NEVER laughed so hard
- By Amazon Customer on 10-18-16
By: Luvvie Ajayi
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The Wise Heart
- A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology
- By: Jack Kornfield
- Narrated by: Jack Kornfield
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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You have within you an unlimited capacity for extraordinary love, for joy, for communion with life, and for unshakable freedom - and here is how to awaken it. In The Wise Heart, celebrated author and psychologist Jack Kornfield offers an accessible, comprehensive, and illuminating guide to the universal teachings of Buddhist psychology. He shows you how to use powerful Buddhist insights and practices to go beyond the trap of "self-improvement".
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Awesome!
- By Nik LaCroix on 05-01-15
By: Jack Kornfield
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The Greatest Capitalist Who Ever Lived
- Tom Watson Jr. and the Epic Story of How IBM Created the Digital Age
- By: Ralph Watson McElvenny, Marc Wortman
- Narrated by: Donald Corren
- Length: 17 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Nearly fifty years into IBM’s existence, Thomas Watson Jr. undertook the biggest gamble in business history when he “bet the farm” on the creation of the IBM System/360, the world’s first fully integrated and compatible mainframe computer. As CEO, Watson drove a revolution no other company—then or now—would dare, laying the foundation for the digital age that has transformed every society, corporation, and government. The story of Watson being “present at the creation” of the digital age is intertwined with near-Shakespearean personal drama
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A superficial history
- By KDN on 02-21-24
By: Ralph Watson McElvenny, and others
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This Is Me
- Loving the Person You are Today
- By: Chrissy Metz
- Narrated by: Chrissy Metz
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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In This Is Me, Chrissy Metz shares her story with a raw honesty that will leave listeners both surprised but also inspired. Infused with the same authenticity she brings to her starring role, Chrissy's This Is Me is so much more than your standard Hollywood memoir or collection of personal essays. She embraces the spirit of Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes and shares how she has applied the lessons she learned from both setbacks and successes. A born entertainer, Chrissy finds light in even her darkest moments and leaves the listener feeling they are spending time with a friend who gets it.
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Excellent - 1 million stars
- By Baldhead Baddi on 03-28-18
By: Chrissy Metz
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She's Not There
- A Life in Two Genders
- By: Jennifer Finney Boylan
- Narrated by: Jennifer Finney Boylan
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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The provocative best seller She's Not There is the winning, utterly surprising story of a person changing genders. By turns hilarious and deeply moving, Jennifer Finney Boylan explores the territory that lies between men and women, examines changing friendships, and rejoices in the redeeming power of family. Told in Boylan's fresh voice, She's Not There is about a person bearing and finally revealing a complex secret.
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Inspiring novel of MTF transition
- By Jamie on 03-01-18
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You're Doing Great!
- And Other Reasons to Stay Alive
- By: Tom Papa
- Narrated by: Tom Papa
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Tom Papa is a little worried about you. You seem stressed, overworked, and, frankly, a little mixed up. Everyone is fighting an overwhelming feeling that things are getting worse, that we should be doing more, that we're not good enough. Well, life isn't perfect. There have always been problems, and there always will be. You can fight for the things you believe in, you can work really, really hard, but you shouldn't lose track of the fact that while you're doing all that, life is flying by at lightning-fast speed.
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Laughing While Walking Makes the Neighbors Think You're Crazy
- By PC737 on 07-10-20
By: Tom Papa
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Interpretation of Cats
- Understanding the Psychology of Our Feline Companions
- By: Claude Béata
- Narrated by: David Watson, Neil Gardner
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Cats are mysterious creatures, and the relationship between humans and cats has never been simple. Curious and affectionate, independent and uninterested, predator and prey. Their true nature continues to elude us, and their subtle and complex behavioral problems can often seem unsolvable or incomprehensible. So, how can we tell if a cat is suffering? What are the root causes of feline aggression? And how can we treat patients who can’t speak for themselves?
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Wonderful insight
- By Tom C on 01-31-25
By: Claude Béata
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It's Hard for Me to Live with Me
- A Memoir
- By: Rex Chapman, Seth Davis - contributor
- Narrated by: Rex Chapman
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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He is considered by many the greatest basketball player ever produced by the hoops-crazy state of Kentucky. In two years at the University of Kentucky, he scored over 1,000 points, led the Wildcats to a Sweet Sixteen appearance and was nicknamed “King Rex.” The first player ever drafted by the Charlotte Hornets, he spent twelve seasons in the NBA, dazzling in dunk contests and sinking one of the most memorable buzzer-beaters in league history. But by the end of his career, Rex Chapman was harboring a destructive secret.
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Raw & Revealing
- By DavidF on 03-26-25
By: Rex Chapman, and others
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The Foundling
- The True Story of a Kidnapping, a Family Secret, and My Search for the Real Me
- By: Paul Joseph Fronczak, Alex Tresniowski
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 11 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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The Foundling tells the incredible and inspiring true story of Paul Fronczak, a man who recently discovered via a DNA test that he was not who he thought he was - and set out to solve two 50-year-old mysteries at once. Along the way he upturned the genealogy industry, unearthed his family's deepest secrets, and broke open the second longest cold-case in US history, all in a desperate bid to find out who he really is.
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Prepare yourself for a journey that will take you to shocking places!
- By OUChris on 04-04-17
By: Paul Joseph Fronczak, and others
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The Power of Character Strengths
- Appreciate and Ignite Your Positive Personality
- By: Ryan M. Niemiec, Robert E. McGrath
- Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain
- Length: 6 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Recent research shows that when you understand and activate your positive personality traits, you become more resilient, manage stress better, and find greater fulfillment in life. In The Power of Character Strengths: Appreciate and Ignite Your Positive Personality, you'll be expertly guided by leading authorities through your 24 strengths. You'll soon see all the ways these strengths are your best-kept secret for boosting your well-being. Discover how to appreciate what's best in you and champion strengths in the people you care about most.
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I liked the audiobook
- By Maksym on 09-07-23
By: Ryan M. Niemiec, and others
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Benefits with Friends
- Starring Mae Martin and Sabrina Jalees
- By: Mae Martin, Sabrina Jalees
- Narrated by: Mae Martin, Sabrina Jalees
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Original Recording
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Sex, money, religion...all topics that we’re told to avoid in polite company. But exactly the kind of conversations you should be having with your bestie, according to best friends of more than 20 years, Mae Martin (Feel Good) and Sabrina Jalees (Roast Battle). Romantic couples are often guided through the conversations they should be having before committing to each other–but what are the topics that best friends should be covering to truly get to know each other?
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Dynamic and amazing
- By HTK on 03-29-25
By: Mae Martin, and others
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The Pain We Carry
- Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color
- By: Natalie Y. Gutiérrez LMFT, Jennifer Mullan PsyD - foreword
- Narrated by: L. Malaika Cooper
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Pain We Carry, you'll find powerful tools to help you understand and begin healing from repeated trauma. You'll discover ways to feel safer in your body, build self-compassion and resilience, and reclaim your health and wellness by reconnecting with your sense of self and your ancestral wisdom. You'll learn how trauma is connected to grief, how it can affect both the mind and the body, and how it can persist from one generation to the next.
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Affirming
- By Yaz on 06-15-23
By: Natalie Y. Gutiérrez LMFT, and others
What listeners say about But What Will People Say?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-05-25
Connected with the author
As an immigrant with children born in the US, I connected with the author immediately. She offered good ideas to navigate our bicultural identities.
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- A. Osorio
- 10-31-24
I am her, and she is me
as a first generation Mexican American, several parts of this book is so relatable. the pain and the revelations alike. prepare to look inside yourself and give yourself grace. prepare to be seen if you feel like you've lived the majority of your life on the sidelines. Thank you, Sahaj
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- MrsK
- 01-03-25
Was she talking to me?
This should be a mandatory read for all immigrants & their families. So many moments as she narrated her story, I thought, “Is she talking to me???” I enjoyed the lessons, exercises intermingled with her honesty & vulnerability of her life experiences. Great work!
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- afti
- 06-12-24
Must read
Great book for 1st gen readers to navigate difficult conversations with family. Resonates a lot with my circumstances
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- Palak Bajaj
- 12-27-24
Extremely Relatable — Hits
Amazing listen that showcases the emotion surrounding the upbringing of any brown woman in America
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