
Boys & Sex
Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
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Narrated by:
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Peggy Orenstein
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By:
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Peggy Orenstein
About this listen
The author of the groundbreaking New York Times best sellers Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter now turns her focus to the sexual lives of young men, once again offering "both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it" (Washington Post).
Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls - steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity - which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. In Boys & Sex, Peggy Orenstein dives back into the lives of young people to once again give voice to the unspoken, revealing how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy.
Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word "hilarious" robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2020 Peggy Orenstein (P)2020 HarperAudioListeners also enjoyed...
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By: Peggy Orenstein
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This Is So Awkward
- Modern Puberty Explained
- By: Cara Natterson MD, Vanessa Kroll Bennett
- Narrated by: Cara Natterson MD, Vanessa Kroll Bennett
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Almost everything about puberty has changed since today's adults went through it. Bewildered adults have begged for reliable and relatable information about the modern adolescent experience. This Is So Awkward answers their call. Written by a pediatrician and a puberty educator—together the hosts of a lively and popular podcast on puberty, and moms to six teens between them—this is the handbook everyone has been searching for. Eye-opening and reassuring, This Is So Awkward will help adults understand the turbulent pubescent decade and become confident guides for today’s kids.
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Text book reading for understanding your kids
- By Leap4 on 09-23-24
By: Cara Natterson MD, and others
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Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between
- The New and Necessary Conversations Today's Teenagers Need to Have About Consent, Sexual Harassment, Healthy Relationships, Love, and More
- By: Shafia Zaloom
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The only audiobook you need to start a conversation with your kids about sexual harassment, consent, #metoo, and more. Many American teens are steeped in a culture that sends unsettling messages about sex, through everything from politics to music to the normalization of porn. In today's environment, it's crucial that teens be able to ask hard questions about how to take care of themselves, make decisions that reflect their values, and stay safe.
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Good book but relays heavily on scare tactics
- By dcf on 08-05-24
By: Shafia Zaloom
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Bisexual Married Men
- Stories of Relationships, Acceptance, and Authenticity
- By: Robert Cohen
- Narrated by: Daniel Henning
- Length: 11 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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How much do you know about the lives of bisexual men who are married to women? Bisexual people make up a majority of the LGBT+ community, but they are still relatively hidden and misunderstood. Robert Brooks Cohen aims to address this invisibility by sharing a collection of interviews with Bi+ men who are or were married to women, helping listeners find connection, understanding, and community.
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Very informative
- By Sean on 03-10-25
By: Robert Cohen
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For the Love of Men
- From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity
- By: Liz Plank
- Narrated by: Liz Plank
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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A nonfiction investigation into masculinity, For the Love of Men provides actionable steps for how to be a man in the modern world, while also exploring how being a man in the world has evolved.
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This book is a game changer
- By tara on 10-26-19
By: Liz Plank
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Dear Bi Men
- A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure
- By: J.R. Yussuf, Da'Shaun L. Harrison
- Narrated by: J.R. Yussuf
- Length: 13 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Through cutting social analysis, personal stories, and need-to-know advice, Dear Bi Men reclaims bi+ visibility in a culture of erasure—and unapologetically centers Blackness in a practical and deeply researched guide to navigating life, work, and relationships as a Black bi+ man.
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Essential bisexual education
- By Monica from Balancing Life LLC on 07-25-24
By: J.R. Yussuf, and others
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Boys Adrift
- The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
- By: Leonard Sax
- Narrated by: Allan Robertson
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Why America's sons are underachieving, and what we can do about it. Something is happening to boys today. From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and less ambitious than they were a mere 20 years ago. The gender gap in college attendance and graduation rates has widened dramatically. In Boys Adrift, Dr. Leonard Sax delves into the scientific literature and draws on more than 20 years of clinical experience to explain why boys and young men are failing in school and disengaged at home.
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Profound
- By Sunny Blaine on 12-03-17
By: Leonard Sax
What listeners say about Boys & Sex
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- L
- 01-12-20
A must-read for anyone who knows young men
In Boys & Sex, researcher Peggy Orenstein explores how toxic masculinity affects the sexual behavior of American Millenial and Gen Z boys. Her basic premise is that from an early age, male children in this demographic are taught to limit their emotional vocabulary, which only gets worse as they are exposed to media stereotypes, free internet porn, lack of sexual education at home and at school, and the unfulfilling expectation or reality of hookup culture, all of which combine to negatively impact their emotional and sexual literacy.
I identified with a lot of the anecdotal research in Boys & Sex. In particular, I like how the author explains that while the definition of womanhood has expanded to include many different types of women, men are still stuck with a 1950s ideal of male empowerment which basically consists of being stoic, dominant and emotionally inaccessible at all times (think Don Draper).
While I felt at times that Peggy Orenstein relied too much on her own assumptions and inherent biases when drawing conclusions about American boys, I would recommend this book, or at least the resources inside it, to everyone. It’s clearly targeted at parents with sons in high school and college but if you know any boys or young men, you will gain valuable insight into their lives and psyches from Boys & Sex. And no matter who you are, you will likely learn something about yourself too.
I really appreciate that rather than simply leaving the reader helpless to address the many factors influencing teen boys today - for example, the paywall hindering access to ethical, feminist porn and more broadly, ethical, feminist media in general - the author provides resources and tips for preventative and reformative measures. As a woman, I’m aware that I am disproportionally expected to provide emotional labor to men, but I was not familiar with research showing that young boys flat out do not express their feelings to other boys or men, meaning that women such as mothers or girlfriends are often their only confidantes. The author recommends that adults, especially father figures, talk to young boys about their feelings just as we would talk to young girls about theirs.
I also really liked the author’s ideas about restorative justice in cases of campus sexual assault (think the Aziz Ansari “Me Too” accusation), and her advice that parents should consistently emphasize the importance of sex as pleasure for everyone involved. As someone whose sexual education in school was only slightly more informative than the classic Mean Girls lines, “Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant and die,” and “If you touch each other, you will get chlamydia and die,” I feel that children and teenagers would benefit immensely from sexual education that touches on emotional as well as physical well-being. It seems incredibly novel that future generations of children and teens might be taught to touch themselves and others consensually for the purpose of pleasure, without the pressure and miscommunication that hinders my generation’s sexuality.
Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone. I would have appreciated more research regarding different demographics of boys and men but I learned a lot from this book and I’m sure I will consult it regularly.
The author did a good job narrating.
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6 people found this helpful
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- Scott Somers
- 01-18-20
I love her message
This view of human nature is incredible. The message is that education is the answer. Our children do not have enough information about relationships and sexuality. However, there were times when I listened that I didn't feel any acknowledgement to the nature of human competition, where males and females challenge one another to understand if mating is right. But the idea of communication, no matter the circumstances is the absolute key. Also, kids need to know to moderate themselves with drugs and alcohol.. Parents need to teach this instead of requiring abstinence. -Father of 4
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- Mr. P
- 11-13-23
An incredible book
I so appreciate the deep research, reflection, and care that went into to this book. I’ve returned to it multiple times and it has genuinely influenced my thinking and parenting.
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- Carol
- 03-10-20
Critical insight for parents, boys - everyone!
I had a gut feeling we need to be talking more to our son about sex, respect, consent etc. but did not know what to say beyond "you should wait but if you don't use protection and get consent." There is so much more to it than that. Reading this book, in which the author quotes frequently directly from her interviews with boys age 16-22 of varying gender identities, gender preferences and races, helps one understand, from many different perspectives, how boys see and experience the complicated world of hooking up, dating, desire and sex. Respect for girls - and an unfortunate, rampant lack thereof - is a recurring theme and clearly a problem that needs to be addressed. I think this may be the fastest I've ever read a non-fiction book. I have just the last chapter left = "Deep Breath: Talking about Sex." Hopefully that will help guide us through a lot more talking, though I also am hoping to get my son listen to the book.
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- Tawny Lara
- 03-17-21
Important, nuanced conversation.
This book gives me hope for the future of boys and men. Orenstein dedicated an entire chapter to trans masculinity and sex which offers a modern, nuanced take to the Boys & Sex conversation. She also explores the role alcohol plays in sexual assault, coercion, consent, and the pursuit of pleasure.
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Every parent needs to read this.
I am a mom of 5 boys. This was exactly what I need to learn about so I can raise and guide my boys into adulthood .
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- Stephen M Yturralde II
- 01-31-20
A fantastic and balanced take on Boys Sexuality
I wish I'd had this book growing up. Simply to know that other guys were thinking, feeling and doing similar things as we grew into our sexuality.
This book is a wonderful and non judgemental exploration of the reality of sex for young men today!
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- the convenient
- 01-21-20
Neccesary for us boys and men
This book hits home so hard. It felt like an epiphany moment for the male experience growing up and even now at almost 30. This is basically the first chance to see the forest away from the trees of masculinity. This is exactly what I, and I'm sure others, needed for personal growth.
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- Beth O
- 08-08-22
Incredibly interesting critical for parents of boys
Amazing book detailing what we need to know for our sons to become emotionally and physically responsible men. How to guide them into adulthood.
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- Laura
- 01-23-22
A must read for all adults - parents, guardians, coaches, teachers etc!
This is a must read for any adult. Whether we are a parent or coach or just an adult on in the world, we have a responsibility for leadership to our children and young adults. Ms Orenstein presents real life examples of how to get through the sometimes awkward conversations and why it’s absolutely essential that we do!
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