G and Shannon are rejoined by Kitebird in order to Mamma Mia their way through Eclipse chapter 19! They hear from some overseas listeners, give Leah carte blanche to do whatever she wants, and tackle the ultimate Twilight-universe mystery: whom did Tiffany bang? Plus: G’s tinfoil hat theory about Embry, Shannon’s perfidious betrayal of a Corona Light, and… blonde Bella Swan??

G and Shannon are back from hiatus with a guest from way back in Episode 2! Sam, inventor of "man's hungry," is back to help them tackle Eclipse chapter 18 and a baffling 3-day gym class with Bree Tanner. Together they'll learn Jasper's ultimate secret to killing vampires, plus tackle critical questions like "If a werewolf wore pants, how would he wear them?" and "Should Beau just stay home and sleep?" All will be answered in this whinnying, gobbling, licking-filled episode!

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G and Shannon are rejoined for Eclipse chapter 17 by vocal professional Rahzé, who auditions for the Midnight Sun TV show with their best mumbles, murmurs, and hoarse shrieks. It’s a vampire grad party and you’re ALL invited! Jacob is doing choreography, Jasper is scaring the hoes, and Stephenie Meyer has definitely not been to a rave. Meanwhile, Bree Tanner learns shocking revelations and Shannon dabbles in ASMR in this episode brought to you by the letter C.

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Number one feminist ally and extremely 6’6” friend James returns just in time to attend Bella’s graduation with G and Shannon in Eclipse chapter 16! After Bella and Alice graduate with degrees in keeping secrets from Edward, it’s time to switch into Bree Tanner mode and meet the coolest—and freakiest—Twilight character you’ve never heard of. Plus: laugh track mishaps, vampire gamer representation, and G gets Shannon canceled in an all-new Corona Light!

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Winni is BACK to represent Team Jacob in chapter 15 of Eclipse, in which Team Jacob is fighting for its life, G is guzzling hard liquor at 9 AM, and Shannon is having a public breakdown in a coffee shop. But don’t worry: they’ve totally figured out how to fix this chapter. Also discussed: kissing tips for Jacob, Cullen leg identification, and Kelsey. Who the hell is Kelsey? Crank this Script Doctor episode and find out!

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G and Shannon are joined in their Eclipse chapter 14 discussion by the originator of the Renesmegg herself: Ioco! Bella must brace herself for massive trauma (the party Alice is throwing her) while debating the ethics of feeding the innocent to her vampire bf. Also included: Jacob quite literally enters his pick-me era, Diego and Bree go sparkle-spelunking, and Bree tries to break the record for most hole mentions in a single chapter.

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It’s the episode G and Shannon have been waiting for! Lexie returns to laugh, cry, and cringe through Smeyer’s horrible choices in Eclipse chapter 13 and the first “chapter” of The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. Jasper tells all about his dramatic 80 seasons on the vampire Bachelorette, G makes Shannon do a ridiculous accent, and new narrator Bree’s first date involves breaking and entering, murder, and chill.

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Blast from the past high school bestie Julie arrives to help G and Shannon relive Twilight’s glory days and read Eclipse chapter 12! After relating a little too hard to Edward’s Catholic trauma and Bella’s relapse into her “staring out the window for hours” habit, it’s time to celebrate their progress in couple’s therapy until the abrupt reappearance of this book’s non-romantic plot! Remember the plot?

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