Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen continue their discussion about discernment counseling. They consider how to determine what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce process, how to protect children and pets throughout the journey, and realistic timelines when addiction is a factor in a relationship. Arlene shares advice, resources, and a message of hope and healing in the collaborative divorce process.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] Determining what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce.

[5:42] Child welfare versus child safety in court order agreements.

[8:10] Timeline possibilities when addiction is at play.

[11:20] Handling chronic lying in a legal setting.

[15:55] A message of hope in the collaborative divorce process.

[18:09] Is there a simple way to know that I should get divorced?

[23:00] Guidelines for an effective separation period.

[29:35] Determining the right next step based on your current stage of life.

[32:32] Navigating divorce in a non-legal partnership.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Arlene Rosen

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “You can make agreements about what will be talked about your addiction in your divorce.”
• “Why do more damage when you’ve decided not to live together anymore?”
• “The collaborative divorce process is simply more respectful.”
• “The collaborative divorce process has the most opportunity for people to get back together.”

Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen explore the options available to couples who are on the fence about staying together or separating. They discuss discernment counseling, litigation, and collaborative divorce; and consider the benefits and difficulties associated with each route. Arlene is an advocate of restructuring the marriage or divorce through a discernment counseling process, and she shares the value of engaging in discernment counseling to explore whether there is really any breath left in a relationship.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] The driver behind Arlene’s work with addiction and divorce.

[4:39] The role and value of a mediator in divorce.

[6:30] Litigation and court process horror stories.

[10:38] Discernment counseling as a preliminary divorce consideration.

[13:10] Restructuring the marriage through a discernment counseling process.

[14:30] Separation is always on the table.

[17:15] Discernment counseling explores whether there is any breath left in a relationship.

[19:53] Collaborative divorce is an excellent alternative to traditional divorce.

[25:49] First steps in getting started with collaborative divorce.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Arlene Rosen

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “Discernment counseling is a protocol for when one person is leaning out of a relationship and the other person is leaning in.”
• “Discernment counseling is not for people who have already made a decision about divorce.”
• “Discernment counseling is an opportunity to determine if you are willing to meet the other person’s needs and to work on this relationship.”

Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty consider the role of a therapist as a witness – one that supports with empathy and compassion. They share the questions to ask a therapist before the first session, and how to identify the right trauma therapist that will lead you to recovery and healing. Healing is meant to happen in communities, and together Dr. Rob and O’Flaherty inspire and encourage listeners to connect with those that can be a witness to healing.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:25] The place for empathy and compassion.

[3:25] Finding the right trauma therapist.

[5:10] Questions to ask therapists before the first session.

[8:25] A good therapist is the first medicine in healing.

[11:53] Dr. O’Flaherty’s book Flight with Weighted Wings.

[15:45] Healing happens in community.

[19:29] Connecting with Dr. O’Flaherty.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Johanna O’Flaherty

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “If you have wounded me, it may not be my job initially to have empathy for you.”
• “How do you feel when you sit with a therapist?”
• “The best therapy is not about the work, it’s about the relationship.”
• “Healing happens in community.”