Episode 15—I Surrender

In Episode 15 of From the Shadow to the Light, we arrive at a turning point—the moment of surrender. After spiraling through addiction, denial, and despair, I found myself unable to go on as I had. This episode shares the raw, unguarded truth of what it means to lay everything down and ask for help. Surrender is not the end—it’s the beginning of everything.

Show Notes

Episode Title: I Surrender Episode Number: 15

Welcome to Episode 15 of From the Shadow to the Light, based on Chapter 15 of my memoir Struck by Lightning. In this episode, I recount the day that marked a profound shift in my life—the moment I surrendered. What began as another painful, shame-filled morning turned into a day of reckoning, as I confronted the wreckage of my life, the suffering of those around me, and the sobering truth that I couldn’t fix it alone.

This is the story of finally calling my mother, of making arrangements for treatment, and of being walked into Caron with trembling hands and a bruised spirit. But more than that, it’s the story of hope beginning to glimmer through the cracks. Surrender wasn’t easy—it felt humiliating, terrifying, and uncertain—but it was the first true act of healing.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—Moment of Realization

1. Think about a time when a sudden realization changed your perspective. What was the catalyst for this change?
2. How does facing the consequences of our actions help us understand the impact of our choices?

Theme 2—The Desperate Search for a Way Out

1. When you’re faced with overwhelming guilt or shame, what are your first instincts? How do those instincts help or hinder your ability to seek help?
2. How do feelings of entitlement or pride affect your willingness to accept the help you need?

Theme 3—A Cry for Help

1. What does it mean to you to admit that you need help? How do you overcome the fear and shame associated with asking for it?
2. How can you be more open to receiving support from those who care about you, even when it feels uncomfortable?

Theme 4—Preparing for the Unknown

1. How do you cope with the fear and uncertainty that comes with stepping into the unknown, especially when it’s a necessary step toward healing?
2. In what ways can accepting help from others, even when it feels humiliating, be a powerful act of courage?

Theme 5—The Final Stop Before Letting Go

1. How do you find the strength to let go and surrender when facing the unknown?
2. What role does support from loved ones play in helping you navigate moments of fear and uncertainty?

Conclusion

As we close Episode 15, we’ve explored the painful yet powerful moment of surrender—the turning point when the fight ends and healing begins. It’s in admitting we can’t do it alone that the light first breaks through.

Surrender isn’t weakness; it’s the courage to let go and trust in something greater. For me, it was the first true act of strength.

Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light. As we prepare for our next episode, “Spiritual Awakening and Rebirth,” we’ll explore what happens when the masks fall away—and something divine begins to emerge from within.

Episode 14—Hitting Rock Bottom

In Episode 14 of From the Shadow to the Light, we enter the perilous terrain of rock bottom—the point where addiction, emotional pain, and the collapse of self converge. As I spiraled into relapse, financial ruin, and complete spiritual bankruptcy, I came face-to-face with the undeniable truth: I could no longer hold it all together. This episode is a raw account of what it means to reach the end of yourself—and how, even there, something deeper begins to stir.

Show Notes

Episode Title: Hitting Rock Bottom Episode Number: 14

Welcome to Episode 14 of From the Shadow to the Light, based on Chapter 14 of my memoir Struck by Lightning. In this episode, I share the harrowing reality of what it looked like to hit rock bottom—when my marriage ended, my sobriety shattered, and my sense of self dissolved into addiction and despair.

What began as a slow emotional unraveling turned into full-blown dependence, dangerous relationships, and life-threatening withdrawal. I was three days from foreclosure, unable to function, and spiritually bankrupt. Yet even in that pitch-black space, the stirrings of surrender were quietly forming.

Join me as we walk through the pivotal moments that led to my collapse—and how this breaking point became the groundwork for the profound transformation that followed.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—Denial and Bottling Up Emotions

1. Reflect on a time when you denied your emotions and bottled them up. How did it impact your actions and decisions?
2. How can acknowledging and addressing our emotions help prevent the illusion of control and lead to healthier coping mechanisms?

Theme 2—The Seductive Power of Addiction

1. Reflect on a time when addiction or a harmful habit seduced you into believing it was under control. What were the consequences?
2. How can we become more aware of the deceptive nature of addiction to better protect ourselves and seek help when needed?

Theme 3—The Search for External Validation

1. Reflect on when you sought validation from others to fill an internal void. What were the outcomes, and how did it impact your self-worth?
2. How can we shift our focus from seeking external validation to cultivating self-acceptance and self-love?

Theme 4—The Descent into Dependence

1. Reflect on a time when you realized you were losing control over a harmful habit or addiction. What were the signs, and how did it impact your life?
2. How can acknowledging the depth of our dependence help us seek the support and resources needed for recovery?

Theme 5—Hitting Rock Bottom

1. Reflect on a time when you realized you had hit rock bottom. What were the key moments that led to this realization?
2. How can hitting rock bottom become the foundation for seeking help and starting the journey toward recovery?

Conclusion

As we wrap up today’s episode, Hitting Rock Bottom, we’ve explored the emotional collapse that comes with addiction, the quiet lies we tell ourselves, and the pain of being trapped by our own self-destructive patterns. We’ve witnessed how denial, longing for love, and unchecked dependence can lead us straight into the abyss.

But rock bottom is not just devastation—it’s also revelation. It’s where the illusion shatters, where we stop pretending, and where the soul begins to whisper that change is possible. Though the pain was unbearable, it cracked something open in me: the need to surrender.

Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light.

As we close Episode 14, I Surrender, we’ll explore what it means to let go—truly let go—and allow something greater to begin the healing.

Episode 13—My Dark Night of the Soul

In Episode 13 of From the Shadow to the Light, we enter the shadowy terrain of profound loss and unraveling. As my marriage dissolved and my dreams of motherhood slipped away, I found myself descending into a darkness deeper than I had ever known. This episode traces the painful milestones of infertility, emotional disconnection, and the collapse of identity that followed. It’s a raw, honest reflection on what it means to lose everything you thought defined you—and the silent, sacred beginning of transformation that starts when all else falls away.

Show Notes

Episode Title: My Dark Night of the Soul Episode Number: 13

Welcome to Episode 13 of From the Shadow to the Light, where we dive into Chapter 13 of my memoir, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light.

In this episode, I recount the devastating unraveling of my marriage, the heartbreak of infertility, and the painful silence that settled over a hospital room where love felt absent. What began as dreams of family forever shifted into a season of profound emotional and spiritual darkness. From the illusion of permanence to the bitter ache of abandonment, I share the descent into what felt like the end of everything I knew. Through five revealing themes, I trace how this chapter marked the beginning of the end—but also the quiet stirring of something new beneath the truth.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—The Illusion of Permanence

1. Have you ever found yourself clinging to a moment or a memory, wishing you could freeze time?
2. How did you feel when confronted with the reality that everything changes?
3. What illusions of permanence have you had to confront in your own life? What did these experiences teach you about embracing impermanence?

Theme 2—Confronting Infertility

1. Have you or someone you know faced challenges with infertility? How did it affect personal relationships and self-perception?
2. In facing significant medical challenges, how do you find strength, and what role do support systems play in navigating such deeply personal trials?
3. Have you ever faced a personal challenge that reshaped your dreams? How did you navigate the emotions and decisions of that time?
4. What gives you strength in moments of uncertainty? How important is support from others when facing personal trials?

Theme 3—Hospitalization and Isolation

1. Have you ever received a gesture intended to be kind but felt out of touch with your actual needs?
2. How did this impact your feelings toward the person who offered it?
3. In times of personal crisis, how important is the type of support offered by loved ones? How do their actions influence your emotional well-being?

Theme 4—The Unraveling of a Relationship

1. Think back to a relationship in your life that changed over time. What signs indicated that things were shifting?
2. In times of relational crisis, what strategies have you found most effective for addressing issues with honesty and openness?
3. How important is recognizing when a relationship no longer supports mutual growth

1. Reflect on a time when you felt you were nearing rock bottom. How did you prepare for the challenges ahead?
2. What does it feel like to stand on the precipice of a significant life change, knowing that further challenges await?

Conclusion

As we close Episode 12, “My Dark Night of the Soul,” we’ve walked through the heartache of infertility, the unraveling of a once-promising relationship, and the painful descent into emotional and spiritual isolation. Each theme has revealed how loss and disconnection can strip away not just our dreams but our very sense of self.

This episode illuminated the beginning of a deeper journey—one where the outer world collapses so the inner world can begin to rebuild. Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light.

As we prepare for our next episode, “Hitting Rock Bottom,” we’ll explore what it truly means to reach the lowest point—and how the darkness that nearly breaks us can also become the ground on which we rise.