Episodes

  • Sashaying Around West Texas Sky Islands

    Sashaying Around West Texas Sky Islands
    Jul 5 2025
    Rants about Davis Mountains fungi, Ponderosa Pine Death from drought, torrential Texas rains, West Texas alcoholics, Mandevilla hypoleuca, Echeveria strictiflora, Growing Madrones, American Smoke Trees in Austin, Madrones in San Antonio, Dystopia and more....
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    1 hr and 28 mins
  • Four Corners Botany

    Four Corners Botany
    Jun 18 2025
    Rants about Northern New Mexico, Gypsum endemics, Dwarf Milkweed, the Horseshoe Bend Motel Photo, Botany of Horseshoe Bend, Pediocactus in the high desert of Northern Arizona, Why telling people that eating Saguaro fruits isn't as bad as Caucasian liberals might want you to think is, How anthropocentric uses of plants might hook some people into the larger perspective of botany and ecology and reverence for the living world, and more.

    Episodes of the podcast are available for listening, ad-free, on the crime pays Patreon.
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    1 hr and 58 mins
  • Carlsbad Butt Clinic & Sandhills Plant Life

    Carlsbad Butt Clinic & Sandhills Plant Life
    Jun 1 2025
    Rants about colonoscopies, plant life on the sandhills East of Carlsbad New Mexico, Eurytaenia hinckleyi (Apiaceae ), Pomaria jamesii (Fabaceae), the Sierra Madre and more

    Ad-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon for $5 a month at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
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    1 hr and 56 mins
  • Hollistic Healing Colon Cleanse in Gypsum Habitats

    Hollistic Healing Colon Cleanse in Gypsum Habitats
    May 29 2025
    Rants about permaculture, holistic livestock snake oil, Southern New Mexico gypsum flats, the Guadalupe Mountains, the Schizandra population in Atlanta that's being overtaken by english ivy, the Alex Jones with boobs meme, naked old men at Nevada hot springs, and more.

    All episodes of this podcast are available for $5 a month ad-free on the crime pays patreon stop whining about the ads you jadrool bastard.
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    1 hr and 44 mins
  • A Clusterf*ck of Mustards - The Order Brassicales

    A Clusterf*ck of Mustards - The Order Brassicales
    May 21 2025
    Ad-Free versions of this podcast are available for $5 a month on the Crime Pays Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

    In this episode we talk with Makenzie Mabry, PhD, about the order Brassicales and all the cool and bizarre plants and plant families within it. We talk about the trend of polyploidy, whole genome duplication, the affinity for deserts and arid habitats, the evolution of succulents and the particular phytochemistry known as glucosinolates.

    We start off talking about the octopus plant that was recently discovered in 2020 in the salt pan deserts of Namibia, Tiganophyton karasense, and go through the entire phylogeny of the order, talking about little known families from disparate parts of the globe and why so many families only contain one species.

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    1 hr and 45 mins
  • Atlanta, Granitic Knobs, Limestone Glades, Native Habitat Project, Etc.

    Atlanta, Granitic Knobs, Limestone Glades, Native Habitat Project, Etc.
    May 9 2025
    In this episode we talk about the granite/gneiss knobs that surround the Atlanta, Georgia area and the cool plants that grow there, getting unintentionally shot at by morons at Arabia mountain, exploring limestone glades of Alabama with Kyle Lybarger, how much puke would it take to reach the confederate statue on the side of Stone Mountain if one were puking down from above, how important fire is to East Coast and Southeast ecosystems (especially for suppressing tick populations) and a ton more.

    If you're annoyed by the ads, stop complaining and sign up for the Crime Pays Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

    Plants mentioned in this podcast:

    Schoenolirion croceum
    Cotinus obovatus
    Packera dubia
    Polymnia laevigata
    Diamorpha smallii
    Tradescantia hirsuticaulis
    Ribes curvatum
    Chionanthus virginicum
    Kalmia latifolia
    Neviusia alabamensis
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    2 hrs and 18 mins
  • Easter Brunch With Father Santore Livestream

    Easter Brunch With Father Santore Livestream
    Apr 20 2025
    A 2 hour, unhinged livestream rant about ecological succession in lawn slaughter, book reviews, the deranged texas anti-plant bill (SB 1868), and more, all done while wearing a priest outfit.
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    2 hrs and 2 mins
  • Costa Rica Habitat Synopsis Rants

    Costa Rica Habitat Synopsis Rants
    Apr 11 2025
    Episodes of the Crime Pays podcast are available Ad-Free on the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't Patreon at: www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

    In this episode of the podcast we rant about a myriad of topics and also discuss 4 main habitat types of Costa Rica :

    Lowland dry forest, where you can get pissed on by spider monkeys and capuchins while photographing columnar cacti growing on karstic limestone dominated by Bursera simaruba. We also talk about the dry forest oak Quercus oleoides which tolerates a 6 month long dry season and doesn't even receive that much rain during the wet season since it tends to grow on thin-soiled limestone.

    Montane Wet Forest dominated by oaks like Quercus insignis, which produces acorns the size of baseballs and grows with epiphytic orchids and bat pollinated Bromeliads.

    Cloud Forest dominated by ectomycorrhizal trees such Quercus costricensis and Comarostaphylis arbutoides (Ericaceae), a kind of habitat which also contains tropical variations of plant genera that are generally more associated with temperate latitudes.

    Páramo habitat, where it's summer every day and winter every night due to the thin air at high elevations above 10,000' (3300 m) and plants produce layerings of hairs not to protect against drought but to protect against frost and increased Ultraviolet intensity.



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    2 hrs and 32 mins