Ever missed one workout and felt like a failure, so you skipped the remaining workouts that week? Or maybe one mistake has you convinced you're an absolute failure?

Welcome to the exhausting world of All-or-Nothing Thinking—a sneaky cognitive distortion that traps us in extremes and keeps us stuck in shame, burnout, and unrealistic expectations.

In this episode, we’ll unpack:

• What All-or-Nothing Thinking looks like in everyday life
• How it impacts our emotions, habits, and even our spiritual walk
• The biblical truth that sets us free from toxic perfectionism
• How to identify and replace distorted thoughts

We’re flipping the switch from black-and-white thinking. Tune in to learn how to tear down mental strongholds, embrace the “middle ground,” and start walking in freedom—one captured thought at a time.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:08] Cognitive Distortions and thinking errors

[02:20] What All-or-Nothing Thinking looks like in everyday life

[04:20] How it impacts our emotions, habits, and even our spiritual walk

[06:04] The biblical truth that sets us free from toxic perfectionism

[07:17] How to identify and replace distorted thoughts

KEY TAKEAWAYS

To identify All or Nothing Thinking: listen for extremes: "I hate...," "The is the best/worst...," "I/you always/never," "Everyone/no one"

We don't overcome negative thoughts by choosing not to think about them.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

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Catastrophizing - If your brain loves jumping to the worst-case scenario, grab your emotional parachute—we’re diving in!

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In this episode, we’re launching a brand-new series on cognitive distortions—those sneaky thinking habits that twist reality and sabotage our peace. First up: Mind Reading. Nope, not the superpower kind—the kind where you assume others are judging you, mad at you, or talking about you… with zero actual proof.

We’ll unpack why this common thought trap is so emotionally draining, how it affects our mental and spiritual health, and give you practical (and biblical!) tools to stop the spiral. It’s time to take your thoughts captive, believe the best about others, and retrain your brain for freedom.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:19] What cognitive distortions are & why they matter

[03:10] How mind reading shows up in everyday life

[03:34] The emotional toll of assumption-based thinking

[04:33] When “reading the room” is helpful vs. harmful

[05:56] Biblical wisdom for transforming your thoughts

[08:07] 5 practical ways to stop mind reading and start living free

[10:39] Choose Life Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Mind reading is a common cognitive distortion — It happens when we assume we know what others are thinking—especially when we assume it's something negative about us—without real evidence.

These assumptions are usually wrong and emotionally draining — They lead to anxiety, insecurity, social avoidance, hurt feelings, or even conflict… all based on guesswork.

Your thoughts aren’t always facts — Just because it feels true doesn’t mean it is true. Feelings are real, but they’re not always reliable indicators of truth.

The Bible encourages renewing your mind — Scripture calls us to take thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5), think on what’s true (Phil. 4:8), and believe the best about others (1 Cor. 13:7).

Most people aren’t thinking about you that much — And that’s actually freeing. People are generally caught up in their own worlds—not obsessing over yours.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

DeRubeis, R. J., Hollon, S. D., Amsterdam, J. D., Shelton, R. C., Young, P. R., Salomon, R. M., ... & Gallop, R. (2005). Cognitive therapy vs medications in the treatment of moderate to severe depression. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(4), 409–416. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpsyc.62.4.409

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

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I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

Ever feel anxious, moody, overwhelmed… and you're not even sure why? 🤯 This episode breaks down one of the most powerful tools in both counseling and spiritual growth: learning to trace our emotions and actions back to our thoughts.

We’re diving into the basics of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and pairing it with biblical truth.

This episode is for you if you're ready to stop letting your thoughts boss you around.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:40] Cognitive Behavior Theory (CBT)

[02:23] Emotions and behaviors are a sign. Trace them back to the original thought that's driving them.

[03:38] You have a choice and can choose to change the channel in your brain.

[03:51] Spiritual viewpoint

[04:22] Who's voice are you listening to?

[11:11] Choose Life Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• How thoughts → feelings → actions
• Uncomfortable emotions are a signal, not a sentence
• The difference between God’s voice vs. the enemy’s lies
• Tips to "change the channel" in your mind when thoughts start spiraling 💭

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In this episode, we’re diving into what it really means to choose life—even in the middle of discouragement, anxiety, or hidden struggles. I’m sharing a personal story from the past two weeks... and what helped me get unstuck and find joy again.

You’ll hear:

• The sneaky ways we can choose "death" in our thoughts and habits
• What choosing life looks like practically (hint: it's NOT simply pretending everything’s fine)
• What it means to choose life spiritually, according to Deuteronomy 30:15-16

💌 Don’t miss the special surprise at the end of the episode just for listeners!

TIMESTAMPS

[01:12] Inspo for today's topic

[01:55] Ways we inadvertently choose "death"

[02:21] Personal story

[04:13] Choosing Life is not toxic positivity or "pretending" everything's fine

[05:15] Practical ways to choose life in thoughts, habits, and everyday situations

[09:32] What we need to know about choosing life spiritually...especially if feeling weighed down or missing joy or intimacy with God

[10:39] Choose Life Challenge

[11:30] Free Surprise!!

KEY TAKEAWAYS

With depressive thoughts, listen to a few sad songs to connect with how you're feeling, but don't stay there for hours. Increase the beat a bit and consider incorporating more positive music as the playlist goes on...might even try worship music.

We do the opposite of what fear tells us to do. If fear tells us to hide and avoid, then we choose to go and be seen.

Choosing life is choosing to bring hidden habits and sins into the light.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

Download your FREE Choose Life: Journaling Guide:

cheerful-founder-6991.kit.com/chooselife

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

NEXT EPISODE:

We'll answer the question: How do I know if it's God's voice or the enemy's or my own?

Until then, I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In today’s episode, we explore how to support a friend or teen who comes to you with something big on their heart. Whether it's a personal crisis, emotional struggle, or tough decision, the way you respond can make all the difference.

We dive into four key steps you can take to help someone feel seen, heard, and valued. From the most important thing you can do when they first open up, to how to encourage and validate them without saying the wrong thing, we cover the essentials of being there for someone in need.

But we don’t stop there—when the situation requires more than just listening, we also talk about how to guide them with practical and spiritual steps, and how to know when it’s time to refer them to outside help.

If you’ve ever wondered how to support someone through a tough time, or even if you’re unsure what to say when someone opens up to you, this episode is for you.

Tune in to discover the simple yet powerful steps to truly be there for someone—without feeling overwhelmed or saying the wrong thing.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:19] 4 Essential steps to supporting someone in need

[01:34] Listen

[02:10] Listening Tips

[02:35] Encourage

[02:53] 2 Phrases to avoid

[04:15] When you're unsure how to help or support

[04:30] Guide them to their next step

[05:50] When to refer for outside help

[06:44] Tip for finding professionals to refer

[07:20] Next Right Step Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Four Key steps: Listen, Encourage, Guide, Refer

People value listening over lectures.

The way you feel today is not the way it will always feel.

Recognize your limits and seek help from others when the situation is life-threatening or involves life-controlling issues.

You don't have to have all the answers to be a safe space for your friends, coworkers, & family members.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for the Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

Lifeline Crisis Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In today's episode, we’re diving into something powerful: the connection between sex, the brain, and intimacy. We’re talking about so much more than just intercourse. I’ll share insights into the brain chemicals involved in sexual activity and how they impact not only your relationships, but also your mental and spiritual health. Join me as we unpack the science behind physical intimacy.

TIMESTAMPS

[02:38] How your brain responds to sexual intimacy

[03:13] The role of neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin

[07:54] Brain science and pornography

[08:13] What this means for your relationships and future connections

[08:30] A biblical perspective on flourishing and thriving in this area

[13:57] Next Right Step Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Dopamine is the "feel-good" chemical in your brain. It’s responsible for the high you feel after a fun activity—whether that’s dancing, accomplishing a goal, or yes, even sexual activity.
• Oxytocin is the "bonding" chemical in a woman's brain that creates a sense of connection to others.
• If you're worried you've already ruined your life, know that your brain was created with the capacity to change and can learn new patterns and habits.
• Healing is possible...even for unwanted sexual activity.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Much of the content for this episode was adapted from Pepperdine University's Relationship IQ curriculum. See link below for more information.

LINKS

Relationship IQ

https://boonecenter.pepperdine.edu/relationship-iq/

Freedom Tools Book by Andy Reese and Jennifer Barnett

https://a.co/d/5ehVS7j

National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN.ORG)

800-656-HOPE (4673)

How to Find a Christian Counselor

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://becomingunhindered.com

NEXT EPISODE:

We're discussing the ins and outs of helping a friend who's struggling or in crisis...including what not to say! You won't wanna miss it!

Until then, I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In today's episode, we dive into one powerful biblical strategy for overcoming anxiety. Anxiety can creep into our lives in many ways, and the key is realizing that while we can't control everything that happens to us, we can choose how to respond.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:22] The many ways anxiety enters our lives

[02:10] Biblical worldview lens of anxious thoughts

[02:33] We have a choice!

[02:56] Road map to fight back: a faith-based exercise

[06:22] Encouragement about anxiety

[07:44] Next Right Step Challenge for the week

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Anxiety's Origins: Recognizing its source can help in overcoming it.
• Biblical Worldview: We have a choice in how we respond to anxious thoughts. We don’t have to let them control us!
• Rejecting Anxiety: Thoughts are uninvited, but we can choose which ones to accept. We can reject anxious thoughts before they multiply.
• Using Scripture to Fight Back: One powerful tool to combat anxiety is using Scripture. We explore Philippians 4:6-7 as a practical roadmap to handle anxious thoughts.
• It’s not a one-time fix but a continuous, faithful process.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into a topic many of us face: burnout — a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. Whether you're juggling work, school, family, or personal struggles, burnout can sneak up on you when you’re stretched too thin. We’ll talk about common signs, a biblical perspective, and practical strategies to overcome it. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disengaged, or like you’re running on empty, this episode is for you.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:30] What burnout is and what causes it

[02:00] Signs to watch out for

[03:01] Why this matters spiritually

[04:57] Practical tip for burnout

[05:48] Next Right Step Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Burnout signs: Emotional numbness, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, and physical symptoms like headaches or stomach issues are all signals to pay attention to.
• Spiritual insight: When you feel burned out, you may be carrying more than you were designed to. Reflect on what’s yours to manage and what's His.
• Practical tips: Protect your mornings and focus on doing the next right thing.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://becomingunhindered.com

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• Follow us on Instagram/Facebook for more tips, inspiration, and updates.
• Have a question or feedback? Send us a message at hello@shelleyspence.com! We love hearing from you.

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I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.