
What Do You Do with a Chocolate Jesus?
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $19.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Thomas Quinn
-
By:
-
Thomas Quinn
About this listen
What Do You Do with a Chocolate Jesus? is a funny, skeptical, yet genuine exploration of the Christian history they don’t teach in Sunday school. It finds humor, irony, and occasional insight amid the inconsistencies, absurdities, and flat-out weirdness that too often passes for eternal truth.
Separating actual Scripture from pious propaganda, Thomas Quinn treks through chapter and verse of the New Testament, explores the sordid saga of the medieval Church (including End-of-the-World panics and fights about what kind of stuff Jesus was made of), and reveals some of the shocking attitudes of America’s founders toward religion. History isn’t always pretty, but it’s usually good for a laugh.
©2010 Thomas Quinn (P)2022 Thomas Rex QuinnListeners also enjoyed...
-
It's Easier than You Think
- The Buddhist Way to Happiness
- By: Sylvia Boorstein
- Narrated by: Sylvia Boorstein
- Length: 2 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sylvia Boorstein—known by friends and colleagues as a "Jewish grandmother bodhisattva"—is highly skilled in making the universal wisdom of traditional Buddhist teachings available to all. Using delightful and deceptively powerful stories from everyday experiences, Boorstein demystifies spirituality, charts the path to happiness through the Buddha's basic teachings, and presents the means to develop a realistic course toward wisdom and compassion. This wonderfully engaging guide to Buddhism is full of humor, love, and memorable insights.
-
-
Simple and elegant
- By Barbara on 01-11-03
By: Sylvia Boorstein
-
Irresistible
- Reclaiming the New That Jesus Unleashed for the World
- By: Andy Stanley
- Narrated by: Andy Stanley
- Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Once upon a time there was a version of our faith that was practically...irresistible. But that was then. Today we preach, teach, write, and communicate as if nothing has changed. As if “The Bible says it” still settles it. It’s time to hit pause on much of what we’re doing and consider the faith modeled by our first-century brothers and sisters who had no official Bible, no status, and humanly speaking, little chance of survival. What did they know that we don’t? What made their faith so compelling, so defensible, so irresistible? Buckle up...you’re about to find out.
-
-
Somewhere and somehow, Andy Stanley changed...
- By Rev. P. R. Miller on 05-04-19
By: Andy Stanley
-
What Is the Bible?
- How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything
- By: Rob Bell
- Narrated by: Rob Bell
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Love Wins, Rob Bell confronted the troubling questions that many people of faith are afraid to ask about heaven, hell, fate, and faith. Using the same inspired, inquisitive approach, he now turns to our most sacred book: the Bible. What Is the Bible? provides insights and answers that make clear why the Bible is so revered and what makes it truly inspiring and essential to our lives. Rob takes us deep into actual passages to reveal the humanity behind the Scriptures.
-
-
The rest of the story?
- By Denny Thompson on 05-20-17
By: Rob Bell
-
God Is Not Great
- How Religion Poisons Everything
- By: Christopher Hitchens
- Narrated by: Christopher Hitchens
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the tradition of Bertrand Russell's Why I Am Not a Christian and Sam Harris' recent best-seller, The End of Faith, Christopher Hitchens makes the ultimate case against religion. With a close and erudite reading of the major religious texts, he documents the ways in which religion is a man-made wish, a cause of dangerous sexual repression, and a distortion of our origins in the cosmos.
-
-
5-Star Writing. Perfect Author Narration.
- By Michael on 12-13-09
-
Ten Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't, Because He Needs the Job)
- By: Oliver Thomas
- Narrated by: Oliver Thomas
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"How did it all begin?" "What happens when we die?" These are just two of the questions Reverend Oliver "Buzz" Thomas hears centrist Christians asking as he travels across the United States, and he knows that their voices are not being heard. They're people of faith, not of politics, and they want more from their religion than a voter's guide.
-
-
hugghess
- By Linda Goodwin on 04-22-07
By: Oliver Thomas
-
Superheroes Can't Save You
- Epic Examples of Historic Heresies
- By: Todd Miles
- Narrated by: Todd Miles
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Using a comic superhero as an illustration of each heresy, Superheroes Can’t Save You presents a history of the deficient view of Jesus; an investigation of contemporary proponents of that heresy; warnings on how contemporary Christians can unwittingly fall into such bad thinking of Jesus; a biblically faithful correction on who Jesus is; and an explanation of why it is important that we understand who Jesus actually is.
-
-
MARVEL-ous!
- By Chris Butts on 09-09-19
By: Todd Miles
-
It's Easier than You Think
- The Buddhist Way to Happiness
- By: Sylvia Boorstein
- Narrated by: Sylvia Boorstein
- Length: 2 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sylvia Boorstein—known by friends and colleagues as a "Jewish grandmother bodhisattva"—is highly skilled in making the universal wisdom of traditional Buddhist teachings available to all. Using delightful and deceptively powerful stories from everyday experiences, Boorstein demystifies spirituality, charts the path to happiness through the Buddha's basic teachings, and presents the means to develop a realistic course toward wisdom and compassion. This wonderfully engaging guide to Buddhism is full of humor, love, and memorable insights.
-
-
Simple and elegant
- By Barbara on 01-11-03
By: Sylvia Boorstein
-
Irresistible
- Reclaiming the New That Jesus Unleashed for the World
- By: Andy Stanley
- Narrated by: Andy Stanley
- Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Once upon a time there was a version of our faith that was practically...irresistible. But that was then. Today we preach, teach, write, and communicate as if nothing has changed. As if “The Bible says it” still settles it. It’s time to hit pause on much of what we’re doing and consider the faith modeled by our first-century brothers and sisters who had no official Bible, no status, and humanly speaking, little chance of survival. What did they know that we don’t? What made their faith so compelling, so defensible, so irresistible? Buckle up...you’re about to find out.
-
-
Somewhere and somehow, Andy Stanley changed...
- By Rev. P. R. Miller on 05-04-19
By: Andy Stanley
-
What Is the Bible?
- How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything
- By: Rob Bell
- Narrated by: Rob Bell
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Love Wins, Rob Bell confronted the troubling questions that many people of faith are afraid to ask about heaven, hell, fate, and faith. Using the same inspired, inquisitive approach, he now turns to our most sacred book: the Bible. What Is the Bible? provides insights and answers that make clear why the Bible is so revered and what makes it truly inspiring and essential to our lives. Rob takes us deep into actual passages to reveal the humanity behind the Scriptures.
-
-
The rest of the story?
- By Denny Thompson on 05-20-17
By: Rob Bell
-
God Is Not Great
- How Religion Poisons Everything
- By: Christopher Hitchens
- Narrated by: Christopher Hitchens
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the tradition of Bertrand Russell's Why I Am Not a Christian and Sam Harris' recent best-seller, The End of Faith, Christopher Hitchens makes the ultimate case against religion. With a close and erudite reading of the major religious texts, he documents the ways in which religion is a man-made wish, a cause of dangerous sexual repression, and a distortion of our origins in the cosmos.
-
-
5-Star Writing. Perfect Author Narration.
- By Michael on 12-13-09
-
Ten Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't, Because He Needs the Job)
- By: Oliver Thomas
- Narrated by: Oliver Thomas
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"How did it all begin?" "What happens when we die?" These are just two of the questions Reverend Oliver "Buzz" Thomas hears centrist Christians asking as he travels across the United States, and he knows that their voices are not being heard. They're people of faith, not of politics, and they want more from their religion than a voter's guide.
-
-
hugghess
- By Linda Goodwin on 04-22-07
By: Oliver Thomas
-
Superheroes Can't Save You
- Epic Examples of Historic Heresies
- By: Todd Miles
- Narrated by: Todd Miles
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Using a comic superhero as an illustration of each heresy, Superheroes Can’t Save You presents a history of the deficient view of Jesus; an investigation of contemporary proponents of that heresy; warnings on how contemporary Christians can unwittingly fall into such bad thinking of Jesus; a biblically faithful correction on who Jesus is; and an explanation of why it is important that we understand who Jesus actually is.
-
-
MARVEL-ous!
- By Chris Butts on 09-09-19
By: Todd Miles
-
How I Opened My Mind and Let God Out
- An Electrician's Road to Atheism
- By: Frank Lerant
- Narrated by: Frank Lerant
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A six-month debate at work with a religious fundamentalist led to years of research and contemplation resulting in the author's journey towards Atheism. The three great monotheisms are picked apart, exposing their shortfalls via their own texts, world history, philosophy, and thought-provoking hypotheticals. If your brilliant logical brain is ready to be freed, you have come to the right place. This book will help you quell the doubt and fear associated with leaving the credulous herd.
-
-
thorough and persuasive
- By Sarah Henn Hayward on 01-31-24
By: Frank Lerant
-
Jesus, Interrupted
- Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible
- By: Bart D. Ehrman
- Narrated by: Jason Culp
- Length: 12 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Picking up where Bible expert Bart Ehrman's New York Times best seller, Misquoting Jesus, left off, Jesus, Interrupted addresses the larger issue of what the New Testament actually teaches...and it's not what most people think. This is the book that pastors, educators, and anyone interested in the Bible have been waiting for, a clear and compelling account of the central challenges we face when attempting to reconstruct the life and message of Jesus.
-
-
Take a college course in New Testament in a book
- By R. Reed on 04-09-09
By: Bart D. Ehrman
-
The Air We Breathe
- How We All Came to Believe in Freedom, Kindness, Progress, and Equality
- By: Glen Scrivener
- Narrated by: Glen Scrivener
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Today in the West, many consider the church to be dead or dying. Christianity is seen as outdated, bigoted, and responsible for many of society’s problems. This leaves many believers embarrassed about their faith and many outsiders wary of religion. But what if the Christian message is not the enemy of our modern Western values, but the very thing that makes sense of them? In this fascinating book, Glen Scrivener takes listeners on a journey to discover how the teachings of Jesus not only turned the ancient world upside down, but continue to underpin the way we think.
-
-
Fast-Paced and Excellent
- By TJ on 06-28-22
By: Glen Scrivener
-
Is the End Near?
- By: Michael Youssef
- Narrated by: Bob Sauer
- Length: 4 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Both inside and outside the church, people are asking the same question: Is this the end of the world? With a global pandemic that has killed millions; nations spending millions of dollars to update their nuclear weapons arsenals; and an increase in fire, floods, plagues, and other natural disasters, Christians and non-Christians alike are concluding that history appears to be drawing to a close. Yet Dr. Michael Youssef says now is not the time to fear.
-
-
Points to Scriptures
- By Floretta Fields on 12-04-23
By: Michael Youssef
-
Confronting Jesus
- 9 Encounters with the Hero of the Gospels
- By: Rebecca McLaughlin
- Narrated by: Rebecca McLaughlin
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rebecca McLaughlin shares important biblical context to help all listeners see why the Gospels should be taken seriously as historical documents. Exploring eyewitness testimony about Jesus, McLaughlin points to him as a first-century Jewish man who is the Son of God, King of the Jews, mighty healer, greatest teacher, lover of sinners, suffering servant, perfect sacrifice, and universal Lord. This follow-up to her first book, Confronting Christianity, helps listeners understand the message of the Gospels and explore who Jesus really is.
-
-
Everyone NEEDS to read this.
- By Anna on 11-09-22
-
Prequel
- An American Fight Against Fascism
- By: Rachel Maddow
- Narrated by: Rachel Maddow
- Length: 13 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inspired by her research for the hit podcast Ultra, Rachel Maddow charts the rise of a wild American strain of authoritarianism that has been alive on the far-right edge of our politics for the better part of a century. Before and even after our troops had begun fighting abroad in World War II, a clandestine network flooded the country with disinformation aimed at sapping the strength of the U.S. war effort and persuading Americans that our natural alliance was with the Axis, not against it.
-
-
The fight to keep democracy alive
- By Rex on 10-19-23
By: Rachel Maddow
-
Villains of the Early Church
- And How They Made Us Better Christians
- By: Mike Aquilina
- Narrated by: Mike Aquilina
- Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The early Church faced its share of villains - persecutors like Nero and Julian, heretics like Marcion and Arius. And what good were they? Plenty, say the Church fathers. The threat of persecution made Christians strong and bold. As noted author Mike Aquilina demonstrates in Villains of the Early Church: And How They Made Us Better Christians, the menace of heresy made Christians smarter - and deepened their knowledge of the divine mysteries. The villains of the ancient world proved the mettle of heroes like Peter and Paul, Irenaeus and Athanasius.
-
-
AMAZING NARRATOR
- By Tyler Fowler (Host of the YouTube channel Faith Unaltered) on 11-07-19
By: Mike Aquilina
-
Enough
- By: Cassidy Hutchinson
- Narrated by: Cassidy Hutchinson
- Length: 11 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever since a childhood visit to Washington, DC, Cassidy Hutchinson aspired to serve her country in government. Raised in a working-class family with a military background, she was the first in her immediate family to graduate from college. Despite having no ties to Washington, Hutchinson landed a vital position at the center of the Trump White House.
-
-
Painful
- By Melissa C. on 09-28-23
-
Postcards from Babylon: The Church in American Exile
- By: Brian Zahnd
- Narrated by: Brian Zahnd
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Early Christianity was subversive and dangerous - dangerous for Christians, and a threat to the keepers of the old order. Most of all Christianity was countercultural. But what about contemporary American Christianity? Is it the countercultural way of Jesus or merely a religious endorsement of Americanism? In his provocative audiobook, Postcards From Babylon, Brian Zahnd challenges the listener to see and embrace a daring Jesus-centered Christianity that can again turn the world upside down.
-
-
Don’t shun the message because of the messenger!
- By Steven M. Buckles on 06-06-19
By: Brian Zahnd
-
Desire of the Everlasting Hills
- The World Before and After Jesus
- By: Thomas Cahill
- Narrated by: Brian F. O'Byrne
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In his subtle and engaging investigation into the life and times of Jesus, Thomas Cahill shows us Jesus from his birth to his execution through the eyes of those who knew him and in the context of his time—a time when the Jews were struggling to maintain their beliefs under overlords who imposed their worldview on their subjects. Here is Jesus the loving friend, itinerate preacher, and quiet revolutionary, whose words and actions inspired his followers to journey throughout the Roman world and speak the truth he instilled.
-
-
Desire Delivers
- By David on 04-18-03
By: Thomas Cahill
-
Who Is This Man?
- The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus
- By: John Ortberg
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Best-selling author John Ortberg shares how Jesus' influence has swept over history and how his vision of life continues to impact humanity today. Jesus' impact on our world is highly unlikely, widely inescapable, largely unknown, and decidedly double-edged. It is unlikely in light of the severe limitations of his earthly life; it is inescapable because of the range of impact; it is unknown because history doesn't connect dots; and it is doubled-edged because his followers have wreaked so much havoc, often in his name.
-
-
NOT narrated by John Ortberg, sadly
- By T. Harris on 08-15-12
By: John Ortberg
-
The Complete Heretic's Guide to Western Religion, Book 1
- The Mormons
- By: David Fitzgerald
- Narrated by: David Smalley
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this first book of The Complete Heretic's Guide to World Religion series, historian and award-winning atheist author Dave Fitzgerald takes us behind the Salt Lake curtain for a glimpse at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and answers your questions: Where did this multi-billion dollar tax-exempt corporation come from? Did Joseph Smith really sleep with all those women? Are the Mormons going to take over the whole world, and if so, is there any way to stop them? But that's not all!
-
-
Amusing treatment, but narration problems
- By B. C. French on 08-06-13
By: David Fitzgerald