
The Valedictorian of Being Dead
The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $14.99
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Heather B. Armstrong
About this listen
From New York Times best-selling author and blogger Heather B. Armstrong comes an honest and irreverent memoir - reminiscent of the New York Times best seller Brain on Fire - about her experience as the third person ever to participate in an experimental treatment for depression involving 10 rounds of a chemically induced coma approximating brain death.
For years, Heather B. Armstrong has alluded to her struggle with depression on her website, dooce. It’s scattered throughout her archive, where it weaves its way through posts about pop culture, music, and motherhood. In 2016, Heather found herself in the depths of a depression she just couldn’t shake, an episode darker and longer than anything she had previously experienced. She had never felt so discouraged by the thought of waking up in the morning, and it threatened to destroy her life. For the sake of herself and her family, Heather decided to risk it all by participating in an experimental clinical trial.
Now, for the first time, Heather recalls the torturous 18 months of suicidal depression she endured and the monthlong experimental study in which doctors used propofol anesthesia to quiet all brain activity for a full 15 minutes before bringing her back from a flatline. Ten times. The experience wasn’t easy. Not for Heather or her family. But a switch was flipped, and Heather hasn’t experienced a single moment of suicidal depression since.
“Breathtakingly honest” (Lisa Genova, New York Times best-selling author), self-deprecating, and scientifically fascinating, The Valedictorian of Being Dead brings to light a groundbreaking new treatment for depression.
The Valedictorian of Being Dead was previously published with the subtitle “The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live.”
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2019 Heather B. Armstrong (P)2019 Simon & SchusterListeners also enjoyed...
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
I'm Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering
- By: Janelle Hanchett
- Narrated by: Janelle Hanchett
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the creator of the blog Renegade Mothering, Janelle Hanchett's forthright, darkly funny, and ultimately empowering memoir chronicling her tumultuous journey from young motherhood to abysmal addiction and a recovery she never imagined possible. Pregnant at 21 by a man she'd known three months, Janelle Hanchett embraced motherhood with the determined optimism of the recklessly self-confident. After giving birth, she found herself bored, directionless, and seeking relief in wine, which she justified as sophisticated and going well with chicken.
-
-
There are REAL people in the world....amazing
- By Amazon Customer on 06-27-18
By: Janelle Hanchett
-
Manic
- A Memoir
- By: Terri Cheney
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On the outside, Terri Cheney was a highly successful, attractive Beverly Hills entertainment lawyer. But behind her seemingly flawless facade lay a dangerous secret - for the better part of her life, Cheney had been battling debilitating bipolar disorder and concealing a pharmacy's worth of prescriptions meant to stabilize her moods and make her "normal". In bursts of prose that mirror the devastating highs and extreme lows of her illness, Cheney describes her roller-coaster life with shocking honesty.
-
-
Amazing
- By Kelly Ranasinghe on 04-26-18
By: Terri Cheney
-
Sure, I'll Join Your Cult
- A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere
- By: Maria Bamford
- Narrated by: Maria Bamford
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Maria Bamford is a comedian’s comedian (an outsider among outsiders) and has forever fought to find a place to belong. From struggling with an eating disorder as a child of the 1980s, to navigating a career in the arts (and medical debt and psychiatric institutionalization), she has tried just about every method possible to not only be a part of the world, but to want to be a part of it. In Bamford’s “trademark blend of disarming intimacy and dark whimsy” (Publishers Weekly), Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult brings us on a quest to participate in something.
-
-
Hilarious and sincere
- By B. Bazzell on 09-06-23
By: Maria Bamford
-
Glorious Rock Bottom
- By: Bryony Gordon
- Narrated by: Bryony Gordon
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bryony Gordon is a respected journalist, a number one best-selling author and an award-winning mental health campaigner. She is also an alcoholic. In Glorious Rock Bottom Bryony opens up about a toxic 20-year relationship with alcohol and drugs and explains exactly why hitting rock bottom - for her, a traumatic event and the abrupt realisation that she was putting herself in danger, time and again - saved her life.
-
-
absolutely fabulous ⭐
- By pixie on 03-05-23
By: Bryony Gordon
-
Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
-
-
Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
I'm Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering
- By: Janelle Hanchett
- Narrated by: Janelle Hanchett
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the creator of the blog Renegade Mothering, Janelle Hanchett's forthright, darkly funny, and ultimately empowering memoir chronicling her tumultuous journey from young motherhood to abysmal addiction and a recovery she never imagined possible. Pregnant at 21 by a man she'd known three months, Janelle Hanchett embraced motherhood with the determined optimism of the recklessly self-confident. After giving birth, she found herself bored, directionless, and seeking relief in wine, which she justified as sophisticated and going well with chicken.
-
-
There are REAL people in the world....amazing
- By Amazon Customer on 06-27-18
By: Janelle Hanchett
-
Manic
- A Memoir
- By: Terri Cheney
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On the outside, Terri Cheney was a highly successful, attractive Beverly Hills entertainment lawyer. But behind her seemingly flawless facade lay a dangerous secret - for the better part of her life, Cheney had been battling debilitating bipolar disorder and concealing a pharmacy's worth of prescriptions meant to stabilize her moods and make her "normal". In bursts of prose that mirror the devastating highs and extreme lows of her illness, Cheney describes her roller-coaster life with shocking honesty.
-
-
Amazing
- By Kelly Ranasinghe on 04-26-18
By: Terri Cheney
-
Sure, I'll Join Your Cult
- A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere
- By: Maria Bamford
- Narrated by: Maria Bamford
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Maria Bamford is a comedian’s comedian (an outsider among outsiders) and has forever fought to find a place to belong. From struggling with an eating disorder as a child of the 1980s, to navigating a career in the arts (and medical debt and psychiatric institutionalization), she has tried just about every method possible to not only be a part of the world, but to want to be a part of it. In Bamford’s “trademark blend of disarming intimacy and dark whimsy” (Publishers Weekly), Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult brings us on a quest to participate in something.
-
-
Hilarious and sincere
- By B. Bazzell on 09-06-23
By: Maria Bamford
-
Glorious Rock Bottom
- By: Bryony Gordon
- Narrated by: Bryony Gordon
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bryony Gordon is a respected journalist, a number one best-selling author and an award-winning mental health campaigner. She is also an alcoholic. In Glorious Rock Bottom Bryony opens up about a toxic 20-year relationship with alcohol and drugs and explains exactly why hitting rock bottom - for her, a traumatic event and the abrupt realisation that she was putting herself in danger, time and again - saved her life.
-
-
absolutely fabulous ⭐
- By pixie on 03-05-23
By: Bryony Gordon
-
Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
-
-
Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
-
Everything Is Fine
- A Memoir
- By: Vince Granata
- Narrated by: Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Vince Granata remembers standing in front of his suburban home in Connecticut the day his mother and father returned from the hospital with his three new siblings in tow. He had just finished scrawling their names in orange chalk on the driveway: Christopher, Timothy, and Elizabeth. Twenty-three years later, Vince was a thousand miles away when he received the news that would change his life - his younger brother, Tim, propelled by unchecked schizophrenia, had killed their mother in their childhood home.
-
-
Brutal and Beautiful
- By 3dogknits on 07-14-21
By: Vince Granata
-
Good Morning, Monster
- A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery
- By: Catherine Gildiner
- Narrated by: Deborah Burgess
- Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this fascinating narrative, therapist Catherine Gildiner presents five of what she calls her most heroic and memorable patients. Among them: A successful, first-generation Chinese immigrant musician suffering sexual dysfunction; a young woman whose father abandoned her at age nine with her younger siblings in an isolated cottage in the depth of winter; and a glamorous workaholic whose narcissistic, negligent mother greeted her each morning of her childhood with "Good morning, Monster". Each patient presents a mystery, one that will only be unpacked over years.
-
-
some things shouldn't be consumed
- By Jess on 12-28-22
-
Quitter
- A Memoir of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery
- By: Erica C. Barnett
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A startlingly frank memoir, Quitter documents one woman's struggles with alcoholism and recovery, with essential new insights into addiction and treatment.
-
-
Long Drunkaloug But Well Defined
- By Danielle T on 11-16-20
By: Erica C. Barnett
-
Blood Orange Night
- My Journey to the Edge of Madness
- By: Melissa Bond
- Narrated by: Melissa Bond
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As Melissa Bond raises her infant daughter and a special-needs one-year-old son, she suffers from unbearable insomnia, sleeping an hour or less each night. She loses her job as a journalist (a casualty of the 2008 recession), and her relationship with her husband grows distant. Her doctor casually prescribes benzodiazepines—a family of drugs that includes Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan—and increases her dosage regularly.
-
-
This book is not a memoir of benzos
- By Mark Lawson on 04-27-24
By: Melissa Bond
-
You Could Make This Place Beautiful
- A Memoir
- By: Maggie Smith
- Narrated by: Maggie Smith
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her memoir You Could Make This Place Beautiful, poet Maggie Smith explores the disintegration of her marriage and her renewed commitment to herself in lyrical vignettes that shine, hard and clear as jewels. The book begins with one woman’s personal, particular heartbreak, but its circles widen into a reckoning with contemporary womanhood, traditional gender roles, and the power dynamics that persist even in many progressive homes.
-
-
Beautiful, relatable, profound
- By Betty Blue on 04-16-23
By: Maggie Smith
-
Madness
- A Bipolar Life
- By: Marya Hornbacher
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Marya Hornbacher published her first book, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia, she did not yet have the piece of shattering knowledge that would finally make sense of the chaos of her life. At age 24, Hornbacher was diagnosed with type I rapid-cycle bipolar, the most severe form of bipolar disorder. In Madness, in her trademark wry and utterly self-revealing voice, Hornbacher tells her new story.
-
-
THANK YOU!!!!!
- By kelly massoni on 10-01-21
By: Marya Hornbacher
-
Everything Nothing Someone
- A Memoir
- By: Alice Carrière
- Narrated by: Alice Carrière
- Length: 10 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Alice Carrière tells the story of her unconventional upbringing in Greenwich Village as the daughter of a remote mother, the renowned artist Jennifer Bartlett, and a charismatic father, European actor Mathieu Carrière. From an early age, Alice is forced to navigate her mother’s recovered memories of ritualized sexual abuse, which she turns into art, and her father’s confusing attentions—her childhood is spent in an adult’s world, with little-to-no boundaries or supervision.
-
-
This book is awful.
- By af_90 on 12-17-23
By: Alice Carrière
-
An Unquiet Mind
- A Memoir of Moods and Madness
- By: Kay Redfield Jamison
- Narrated by: Kay Redfield Jamison
- Length: 2 hrs and 46 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dr. Jamison is one of the foremost authorities on manic-depressive (bipolar) illness; she has also experienced it firsthand. For even while she was pursuing her career in academic medicine, Jamison found herself succumbing to the same exhilarating highs and catastrophic depressions that afflicted many of her patients, as her disorder launched her into ruinous spending sprees, episodes of violence, and an attempted suicide.
-
-
It Says Unabridged. That is incorrect.
- By Casey Wagner on 10-17-11
-
I'll See You Again
- By: Jackie Hance, Janice Kaplan
- Narrated by: Jackie Hance
- Length: 7 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One woman's journey through unbearable loss. A true story.
-
-
An Amazing Undertaking: from Devastated to Hopeful
- By Mary Burnight on 12-05-16
By: Jackie Hance, and others
-
My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward
- A Memoir
- By: Mark Lukach
- Narrated by: Josh Bloomberg
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mark and Giulia's life together began as a storybook romance. They fell in love at 18, married at 24, and were living their dream life in San Francisco. When Giulia was 27, she suffered a terrifying and unexpected psychotic break that landed her in the psych ward for nearly a month. One day she was vibrant and well adjusted; the next she was delusional and suicidal, convinced that her loved ones were not safe.
-
-
Helps you understand the husband side
- By WENDYMM on 04-12-19
By: Mark Lukach
-
Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me
- Depression in the First Person
- By: Anna Mehler Paperny
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her early 20s, investigative journalist Anna Mehler Paperny had already landed her dream job. On the surface, her life was great. Nevertheless, she spiraled out, attempted suicide (the first of more attempts to follow), and landed in the ICU and then in a psych ward before setting out to tackle her recovery. In Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me, Mehler Paperny turns her journalist's eye on her own experience and others' - in the ward; as an outpatient; facing family, friends, and coworkers; finding the right meds; trying to stay insured and employed.
-
-
I enjoyed this experience
- By Azu on 06-11-21
-
The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist
- Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
- By: Debbie Mirza
- Narrated by: Debbie Mirza
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
-
-
This book CHANGED MY LIFE!
- By Mojo on 12-19-18
By: Debbie Mirza
Featured Article: The Best Audiobooks to Help You Cope with Depression
Sometimes when the world feels like too much, it can be helpful to listen to an audiobook that explores similar feelings. Maybe you're looking for a first-person narrative about struggling with or recovering from depression, or maybe you just need a fiction title featuring characters with whom you can relate. Here are a few of the best books on depression—but before you dive in, please be aware that the subject matter might be triggering for some people.
What listeners say about The Valedictorian of Being Dead
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Dan
- 04-24-19
Connection
This experience is about more than just depression. It's about family, friends, and connections with other people that you may never expect have a bearing on your life. I'm not going to even attempt to discuss the obvious details.. Ms Armstrong eloquently and unabashedly shares everything about the experience to take you through that journey that you'll never forget. My additional take away is that we should be grateful for our connections to other people - good or bad - because it shapes our opportunities and reminds me that we are who we are because of other people. What a lovely thing it was too share this with us.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
13 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Sharon
- 04-26-19
Poignant and hopeful
I love this book. Hearing Heather read it was icing on the cake. This book has resonated with me and has helped me better understand myself (in some ways) as well as others. It is as heartbreaking as it is hopeful. I think it is a must-read for anyone who is suffering from mental illness or has a loved one who suffers.
I was also fascinated by some of the technical aspects of her procedures and found the afterward to be helpful as well. I highly recommend this book! Thank you for writing it, Heather.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
4 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Anne
- 06-22-19
Amazing!
Your vibe and message is inspiring- thank you for sharing. I have recommended your book to many people who suffer from anxiety and depression. showing them there is hope and to keep moving forward because someday something anything could work!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
- Roxie in Dallas
- 03-26-22
educational accurate and entertaining
a rare combination of autobiographical self reflection that illustrates despair transforming into hope for all
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Amazon Customer
- 05-15-23
Chilling to Read Now
RIP Heather. This was very sobering to read what she went through during her journey with depression and the lengths she took to fight to stay alive. It's so sad that post-book, another chapter closed her book of life. Rest in peace!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- G. CUBERO
- 06-28-23
An accurate view of depression - a heartbreaking end.
As someone that struggles with my own mental health issues, I can 100% understand and empathize with Heather. Her voice was so raw in certain parts you could just feel it in your soul the pain she was going through. Someone posted a “review” that they couldn’t understand cause she was complaining about mundane things - it goes to show how much people still need to learn about mental health and what exactly it entails. When you have to fight with yourself just to open your eyes, to brush your teeth, to eat even then you can have a glimpse of an idea of what it is like. Mundane things are what life is all about so not being able to complete even the most mundane things should show you how bad it is. You just want to stop existing. I’m so sorry that she relapsed and that there was no help at the very end to stop her from ending it all. She really did seem like she had new found hope. I’ll definitely recommend this book to anyone - especially single moms/parents that are going through it.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Wendy
- 05-30-19
Wow
Wow, Bravo ! , Heather B Armstrong! This book is gut wrenching , excruciating and absolutely beautiful. Well written and narrated.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- SamuraiSunday
- 05-07-19
Thought-provoking
I have followed Heather Armstrong on and off for over a decade. I enjoy her writing and her way of telling the story. Her willingness to bare her soul to help others is beyond commendable. hopefully the experimental treatment is something that will be available to a great many others in the future.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- DOC94
- 02-14-20
Major Depression and Anxiety
My son and I both have a diagnosis of Major Depression and Anxiety. We have concluded that someone who does not suffer from this malady, cannot possibility understand the suffering of those who do. However, Heather B. Armstrong's book, The Valedictorian of Being Dead: The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live, paints the clearest picture for the loved ones of people who suffer from depression.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Snow Dunn
- 07-21-21
wow
she went THROUGH it! I've heard of this therepy and it sounds promising, but intense as hell! im glad she wrote this book!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!