
The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be
A Speculative Memoir of Transracial Adoption
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $20.70
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Shannon Gibney
-
By:
-
Shannon Gibney
About this listen
Part memoir, part speculative fiction, The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be explores the often surreal experience of growing up as a mixed-Black transracial adoptee.
Dream Country author Shannon Gibney returns with The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be, a book woven from her true story of growing up as a mixed-Black transracial adoptee and fictional story of Erin Powers, the name Shannon was given at birth, a child raised by a white, closeted lesbian.
At its core, the novel is a tale of two girls on two different timelines occasionally bridged by a mysterious portal and their shared search for a complete picture of their origins. Gibney surrounds that story with reproductions of her own adoption documents, letters, family photographs, interviews, medical records, and brief essays on the surreal absurdities of the adoptee experience.
The end result is a remarkable portrait of an American experience rarely depicted in any form.
* This audiobook includes a downloadable PDF of images, documents and resources from the book.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2023 Shannon Gibney (P)2023 Listening LibraryListeners also enjoyed...
-
"You Should Be Grateful"
- Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption
- By: Angela Tucker
- Narrated by: Angela Tucker
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
“Your parents are so amazing for adopting you! You should be grateful that you were adopted.” Angela Tucker is a Black woman, adopted from foster care by white parents. She has heard this microaggression her entire life, usually from well-intentioned strangers who view her adoptive parents as noble saviors. She is grateful for many aspects of her life, but being transracially adopted involves layers of rejection, loss, and complexity that cannot be summed up so easily.
-
-
Eye opening
- By C. Kuhn on 04-05-25
By: Angela Tucker
-
I Would Meet You Anywhere
- A Memoir (Machete)
- By: Susan Kiyo Ito
- Narrated by: Kathleen Li
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Growing up with adoptive nisei parents, Susan Kiyo Ito knew only that her birth mother was Japanese American and her father White. But finding and meeting her birth mother in her early 20s was only the beginning of her search for answers, history, and identity. Though the two share a physical likeness, an affinity for ice cream, and a relationship that sometimes even feels familial, there is an ever-present tension between them, as a decades-long tug-of-war pits her birth mother’s desire for anonymity against Ito’s need to know her origins, to see and be seen.
-
-
Lovely and heart-wrenching
- By Patti Simmons on 11-14-23
By: Susan Kiyo Ito
-
Surviving the White Gaze
- A Memoir
- By: Rebecca Carroll
- Narrated by: Rebecca Carroll
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older. Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem.
-
-
Outstanding
- By Steve Shirley on 02-08-21
By: Rebecca Carroll
-
Invisible Boy
- A Memoir of Self-Discovery
- By: Harrison Mooney
- Narrated by: Harrison Mooney
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A powerful, experiential journey from white cult to Black consciousness: Harrison Mooney’s riveting story of self-discovery lifts the curtain on the trauma of transracial adoption and the internalized antiblackness at the heart of the white evangelical Christian movement.
-
-
Making the unconscious conscious
- By Emma Stevens/Linda Campbell Pevac on 08-31-24
By: Harrison Mooney
-
Before and After
- The Incredible Real-Life Stories of Orphans Who Survived the Tennessee Children's Home Society
- By: Judy Christie, Lisa Wingate
- Narrated by: Emily Rankin
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the 1920s to 1950, Georgia Tann ran a black-market baby business at the Tennessee Children’s Home Society in Memphis. The publication of Lisa Wingate’s novel Before We Were Yours brought new awareness of Tann’s lucrative career in child trafficking. Adoptees who knew little about their pasts gained insight into the startling facts behind their family histories. Encouraged by their contact with Wingate and award-winning journalist Judy Christie, who documented the stories of 15 adoptees in this book, many determined Tann survivors set out to trace their roots.
-
-
Badly written
- By Stacie on 02-25-20
By: Judy Christie, and others
-
What My Bones Know
- A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
- By: Stephanie Foo
- Narrated by: Stephanie Foo
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
By age thirty, Stephanie Foo was successful on paper: She had her dream job as an award-winning radio producer at This American Life and a loving boyfriend. But behind her office door, she was having panic attacks and sobbing at her desk every morning. After years of questioning what was wrong with herself, she was diagnosed with complex PTSD—a condition that occurs when trauma happens continuously, over the course of years.
-
-
Complex PTSD from a patient's point of view!
- By Howard_a on 05-24-22
By: Stephanie Foo
-
"You Should Be Grateful"
- Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption
- By: Angela Tucker
- Narrated by: Angela Tucker
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
“Your parents are so amazing for adopting you! You should be grateful that you were adopted.” Angela Tucker is a Black woman, adopted from foster care by white parents. She has heard this microaggression her entire life, usually from well-intentioned strangers who view her adoptive parents as noble saviors. She is grateful for many aspects of her life, but being transracially adopted involves layers of rejection, loss, and complexity that cannot be summed up so easily.
-
-
Eye opening
- By C. Kuhn on 04-05-25
By: Angela Tucker
-
I Would Meet You Anywhere
- A Memoir (Machete)
- By: Susan Kiyo Ito
- Narrated by: Kathleen Li
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Growing up with adoptive nisei parents, Susan Kiyo Ito knew only that her birth mother was Japanese American and her father White. But finding and meeting her birth mother in her early 20s was only the beginning of her search for answers, history, and identity. Though the two share a physical likeness, an affinity for ice cream, and a relationship that sometimes even feels familial, there is an ever-present tension between them, as a decades-long tug-of-war pits her birth mother’s desire for anonymity against Ito’s need to know her origins, to see and be seen.
-
-
Lovely and heart-wrenching
- By Patti Simmons on 11-14-23
By: Susan Kiyo Ito
-
Surviving the White Gaze
- A Memoir
- By: Rebecca Carroll
- Narrated by: Rebecca Carroll
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older. Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem.
-
-
Outstanding
- By Steve Shirley on 02-08-21
By: Rebecca Carroll
-
Invisible Boy
- A Memoir of Self-Discovery
- By: Harrison Mooney
- Narrated by: Harrison Mooney
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A powerful, experiential journey from white cult to Black consciousness: Harrison Mooney’s riveting story of self-discovery lifts the curtain on the trauma of transracial adoption and the internalized antiblackness at the heart of the white evangelical Christian movement.
-
-
Making the unconscious conscious
- By Emma Stevens/Linda Campbell Pevac on 08-31-24
By: Harrison Mooney
-
Before and After
- The Incredible Real-Life Stories of Orphans Who Survived the Tennessee Children's Home Society
- By: Judy Christie, Lisa Wingate
- Narrated by: Emily Rankin
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the 1920s to 1950, Georgia Tann ran a black-market baby business at the Tennessee Children’s Home Society in Memphis. The publication of Lisa Wingate’s novel Before We Were Yours brought new awareness of Tann’s lucrative career in child trafficking. Adoptees who knew little about their pasts gained insight into the startling facts behind their family histories. Encouraged by their contact with Wingate and award-winning journalist Judy Christie, who documented the stories of 15 adoptees in this book, many determined Tann survivors set out to trace their roots.
-
-
Badly written
- By Stacie on 02-25-20
By: Judy Christie, and others
-
What My Bones Know
- A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
- By: Stephanie Foo
- Narrated by: Stephanie Foo
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
By age thirty, Stephanie Foo was successful on paper: She had her dream job as an award-winning radio producer at This American Life and a loving boyfriend. But behind her office door, she was having panic attacks and sobbing at her desk every morning. After years of questioning what was wrong with herself, she was diagnosed with complex PTSD—a condition that occurs when trauma happens continuously, over the course of years.
-
-
Complex PTSD from a patient's point of view!
- By Howard_a on 05-24-22
By: Stephanie Foo
-
Parable of the Sower
- By: Octavia E. Butler
- Narrated by: Lynne Thigpen
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
God is change. That is the central truth of the Earthseed movement, whose unlikely prophet is 18-year-old Lauren Olamina. The young woman's diary entries tell the story of her life amid a violent 21st-century hell of walled neighborhoods and drug-crazed pyromaniacs - and reveal her evolving Earthseed philosophy. Against a backdrop of horror emerges a message of hope: if we are willing to embrace divine change, we will survive to fulfill our destiny among the stars.
-
-
Dystopia before dystopia was cool...
- By Amber on 05-28-14
-
Crying in H Mart
- A Memoir
- By: Michelle Zauner
- Narrated by: Michelle Zauner
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up one of the few Asian-American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother's particular high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother's tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food.
-
-
Broken Korean
- By Tim on 04-21-21
By: Michelle Zauner
-
A Living Remedy
- A Memoir
- By: Nicole Chung
- Narrated by: Jennifer Kim
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Nicole Chung couldn’t hightail it out of her overwhelmingly white Oregon hometown fast enough. As a scholarship student at a private university on the East Coast, no longer the only Korean she knew, she found community and a path to the life she'd long wanted. But the middle class world she begins to raise a family in–where there are big homes, college funds, nice vacations–looks very different from the middle class world she thought she grew up in, where paychecks have to stretch to the end of the week, health insurance is often lacking, and there are no safety nets.
-
-
Beautiful and heartfelt
- By Sandra on 04-23-23
By: Nicole Chung
-
Kindred
- By: Octavia E. Butler
- Narrated by: Kim Staunton
- Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Having just celebrated her 26th birthday in 1976 California, Dana, an African-American woman, is suddenly and inexplicably wrenched through time into antebellum Maryland. After saving a drowning White boy there, she finds herself staring into the barrel of a shotgun and is transported back to the present just in time to save her life. During numerous such time-defying episodes with the same young man, she realizes she's been given a challenge.
-
-
The Past of Slavery Still Moves and Wounds Us
- By Jefferson on 12-05-10
-
The Gathering Place
- An Adoptee's Story
- By: Emma Stevens
- Narrated by: Emma Stevens
- Length: 4 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Adoptee Emma's birth mother took steps to remain anonymous. In order to put the pieces of her life back together, Emma embarks on multiple journeys and adventures towards both solving the mystery of who she is and healing from the pain of separation from her origins. It's a story of inner strength and perseverance where Emma welcomes all her parts of self to feel valued and seen. In a meditative and surreal state, under and around a big old oak tree with a simple wood-seated rope swing attached, she accepts the invitation of integrating herself in this stirring memoir.
-
-
Resilience
- By Shirley M. Newson on 02-01-24
By: Emma Stevens
-
Lies and Other Love Languages
- A Novel
- By: Sonali Dev
- Narrated by: Soneela Nankani
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bestselling advice columnist Vandy Guru built her career teaching others how to live honestly and courageously, but after the loss of her husband, Vandy’s public veneer can barely conceal her grief. When her beloved daughter Mallika suddenly disappears and her estranged childhood best friend Rani returns, stirring up long-buried secrets, Vandy’s carefully crafted life feels at risk.
-
-
Interesting idea, trite execution
- By Amanda on 03-07-25
By: Sonali Dev
-
Between Two Kingdoms
- A Memoir of a Life Interrupted
- By: Suleika Jaouad
- Narrated by: Suleika Jaouad
- Length: 13 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the summer after graduating from college, Suleika Jaouad was preparing, as they say in commencement speeches, to enter “the real world”. She had fallen in love and moved to Paris to pursue her dream of becoming a war correspondent. The real world she found, however, would take her into a very different kind of conflict zone. It started with an itch - first on her feet, then up her legs, like a thousand invisible mosquito bites. Then a trip to the doctor and, a few weeks shy of her 23rd birthday, a diagnosis: leukemia, with a 35 percent chance of survival.
-
-
This was painful.
- By Meredith Nutrition on 07-31-22
By: Suleika Jaouad
-
Family Lore
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Acevedo
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Acevedo, Sixta Morel, Danyeli Rodriguez del Orbe
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Flor has a gift: she can predict, to the day, when someone will die. So when she decides she wants a living wake—a party to bring her family and community together to celebrate the long life she’s led—her sisters are surprised. Has Flor foreseen her own death, or someone else’s? Does she have other motives? She refuses to tell her sisters, Matilde, Pastora, and Camila.
-
-
Underwhelming.
- By Karina on 09-18-23
-
The Girls Who Went Away
- The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
- By: Ann Fessler
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade.
-
-
Sad but True ... and Helpful
- By Kim Kavanagh on 01-05-17
By: Ann Fessler
-
Dear Edward
- A Novel
- By: Ann Napolitano
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 11 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One summer morning, twelve-year-old Edward Adler, his beloved older brother, his parents, and 183 other passengers board a flight in Newark headed for Los Angeles. Among them are a Wall Street wunderkind, a young woman coming to terms with an unexpected pregnancy, an injured veteran returning from Afghanistan, a business tycoon, and a free-spirited woman running away from her controlling husband. Halfway across the country, the plane crashes. Edward is the sole survivor.
-
-
Stunning characterization and compelling storytelling!
- By Amazon User on 01-29-20
By: Ann Napolitano
-
Saved by a Song
- The Art and Healing Power of Songwriting
- By: Mary Gauthier
- Narrated by: Mary Gauthier
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mary Gauthier was 12 years old when she was given her Aunt Jenny’s old guitar and taught herself to play with a Mel Bay basic guitar workbook. Music offered her a window to a world where others felt the way she did. Songs became lifelines to her, and she longed to write her own, one day. Then, for a decade, while struggling with addiction, Gauthier put her dream away and her call to songwriting faded. It wasn’t until she got sober and went to an open mic with a friend did she realize that she not only still wanted to write songs, she needed to.
-
-
I’m Here For You
- By Christian Bazar on 12-18-21
By: Mary Gauthier
-
Long Bright River
- A GMA Book Club Pick (A Novel)
- By: Liz Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In a Philadelphia neighborhood rocked by the opioid crisis, two once-inseparable sisters find themselves at odds. One, Kacey, lives on the streets in the vise of addiction. The other, Mickey, walks those same blocks on her police beat. They don't speak anymore, but Mickey never stops worrying about her sibling. Then Kacey disappears, suddenly, at the same time that a mysterious string of murders begins in Mickey's district, and Mickey becomes dangerously obsessed with finding the culprit - and her sister - before it's too late.
-
-
Narration was good
- By Kelli avid listener on 01-14-20
By: Liz Moore
Critic reviews
★ "An ambitiously authentic adoption story where fiction does the work of truth, and archives, correspondence, and health records provide the roots of fantasy."—Kirkus Reviews, starred review
★ "A fantastical, transcendent memory collage that shirks convention in search of what is real and true about familial bonds."—PW, starred review
★ "Readers will praise the raw honesty and insight in this lovingly crafted memoir."—Booklist, starred review
What listeners say about The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Bridget
- 01-31-23
What a blessing this young woman is to both families!!
Gibney is a master storyteller! I would recommend to everyone!!it left me wondering if the wormhole was real…
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Kevin
- 01-06-25
The sci-fi parts of parallel worlds and time wormholes
I really like this interpretation of this memoir. I wish there was more and more exotic material.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!