
The Average American Male
A Novel
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $17.09
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Chad Kultgen
-
By:
-
Chad Kultgen
About this listen
An offensive, in-your-face, brutally honest and completely hilarious look at male inner life and sexual fantasy. In the course of this hilariously honest book, our narrator suffers through a relationship with his vapid wannabe-actress girlfriend until he finds the perfect girl. But when he moves into the new relationship, he slowly learns that all women are pretty much the same, that man's true desires will never be fulfilled, and the decision between living life alone or biting the marriage bullet must be made.
©2007 Chad Kultgen (P)2013 HarperCollinsPublishersListeners also enjoyed...
-
How to Win the Bachelor
- The Secret to Finding Love and Fame on America's Favorite Reality Show
- By: Chad Kultgen, Lizzy Pace
- Narrated by: Chad Kultgen, Lizzy Pace
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Since its premiere in 2002, ABC’s The Bachelor has become a staple of American television. Now, discover the fascinating history of the show, uncover the ins and outs of the phenomenon that has become Bachelor Nation, and take a deeper look at what separates the winners from the losers. From how best to exit the limo on Night One, to strategies for making a run for the all-important First Impression Rose, to how to avoid being labeled a villain, this clear-eyed guide illustrates the rules and strategies any would-be contestant should know.
-
-
Love for the Pit!
- By Liz Larsen on 01-25-22
By: Chad Kultgen, and others
-
Sh-t My Dad Says
- By: Justin Halpern
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.
-
-
Really Funny! Should Be Up for an Audie Award
- By Michael on 05-08-10
By: Justin Halpern
-
Assholes Finish First
- By: Tucker Max
- Narrated by: Tucker Max
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What do you do after you write a #1 best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you've got another f-ing book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."
-
-
Not impressed
- By RLK on 04-05-17
By: Tucker Max
-
The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World
- By: Robert Garland, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Robert Garland
- Length: 24 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Look beyond the abstract dates and figures, kings and queens, and battles and wars that make up so many historical accounts. Over the course of 48 richly detailed lectures, Professor Garland covers the breadth and depth of human history from the perspective of the so-called ordinary people, from its earliest beginnings through the Middle Ages.
-
-
Tantalizing time trip
- By Mark on 08-21-13
By: Robert Garland, and others
-
Calypso
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And it's as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation - and dark humor - toward middle age and mortality.
-
-
Excellent, as always
- By Ruthie on 05-31-18
By: David Sedaris
-
Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers
- By: Tucker Max
- Narrated by: Tucker Max
- Length: 3 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a thank you to those who have loved the stories and supported him for so long, Tucker has gone back through his massive archive of material one last time, culled out what you might call the "best of the rest" and arranged it here, in Sloppy Seconds, like an audiobook version of deleted scenes. Unlike most deleted scenes, however, these don't suck. So enjoy.
-
-
Slightly Disappointing
- By Alex on 05-08-12
By: Tucker Max
-
How to Win the Bachelor
- The Secret to Finding Love and Fame on America's Favorite Reality Show
- By: Chad Kultgen, Lizzy Pace
- Narrated by: Chad Kultgen, Lizzy Pace
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Since its premiere in 2002, ABC’s The Bachelor has become a staple of American television. Now, discover the fascinating history of the show, uncover the ins and outs of the phenomenon that has become Bachelor Nation, and take a deeper look at what separates the winners from the losers. From how best to exit the limo on Night One, to strategies for making a run for the all-important First Impression Rose, to how to avoid being labeled a villain, this clear-eyed guide illustrates the rules and strategies any would-be contestant should know.
-
-
Love for the Pit!
- By Liz Larsen on 01-25-22
By: Chad Kultgen, and others
-
Sh-t My Dad Says
- By: Justin Halpern
- Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
- Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.
-
-
Really Funny! Should Be Up for an Audie Award
- By Michael on 05-08-10
By: Justin Halpern
-
Assholes Finish First
- By: Tucker Max
- Narrated by: Tucker Max
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What do you do after you write a #1 best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you've got another f-ing book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."
-
-
Not impressed
- By RLK on 04-05-17
By: Tucker Max
-
The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World
- By: Robert Garland, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Robert Garland
- Length: 24 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Look beyond the abstract dates and figures, kings and queens, and battles and wars that make up so many historical accounts. Over the course of 48 richly detailed lectures, Professor Garland covers the breadth and depth of human history from the perspective of the so-called ordinary people, from its earliest beginnings through the Middle Ages.
-
-
Tantalizing time trip
- By Mark on 08-21-13
By: Robert Garland, and others
-
Calypso
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And it's as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation - and dark humor - toward middle age and mortality.
-
-
Excellent, as always
- By Ruthie on 05-31-18
By: David Sedaris
-
Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers
- By: Tucker Max
- Narrated by: Tucker Max
- Length: 3 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a thank you to those who have loved the stories and supported him for so long, Tucker has gone back through his massive archive of material one last time, culled out what you might call the "best of the rest" and arranged it here, in Sloppy Seconds, like an audiobook version of deleted scenes. Unlike most deleted scenes, however, these don't suck. So enjoy.
-
-
Slightly Disappointing
- By Alex on 05-08-12
By: Tucker Max
-
Hilarity Ensues
- By: Tucker Max
- Narrated by: Tucker Max
- Length: 9 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Here's Tucker Max's third and final book in his series of stories about his drunken debauchery and ridiculous antics. What began as a simple sentence on an obscure website, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole," and developed into two infamously genre-defining books, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Assholes Finish First, ends here.
-
-
Unbearable.
- By Angie on 04-10-13
By: Tucker Max
-
Rant
- By: Chuck Palahniuk
- Narrated by: various
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Chuck Palahniuk, the author of the New York Times best-sellers Fight Club and Lullaby, is known for his edgy novels, and Rant is no exception. Palahniuk presents this fictional biography of Buster "Rant" Casey in a series of vignettes told by the people who knew him best. As intricate as a spider web, Rant succeeds in recounting the story of one man's life only through the eyes of others. But the question remains, "Who was Rant Casey?"
-
-
Great on audiobook
- By Tessie on 09-10-09
By: Chuck Palahniuk
-
Ham on Rye
- A Novel
- By: Charles Bukowski
- Narrated by: Christian Baskous
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In what is widely hailed as the best of his many novels, Charles Bukowski details the long, lonely years of his own hardscrabble youth in the raw voice of alter ego Henry Chinaski. From a harrowingly cheerless childhood in Germany through acne-riddled high school years, and his adolescent discoveries of alcohol, women, and the Los Angeles Public Library's collection of D. H. Lawrence, Ham on Rye offers a crude, brutal, and savagely funny portrait of an outcast's coming-of-age during the desperate days of the Great Depression.
-
-
Men's version of Virginia Woolf
- By Lucca ate your Lunch! on 12-09-13
By: Charles Bukowski
-
Choke
- By: Chuck Palahniuk
- Narrated by: Chuck Palahniuk
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Victor Mancini, a medical school dropout, is an antihero for our deranged times. Needing to pay elder care for his mother, Victor has devised an ingenious scam: He pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be “saved” by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor’s life, go on to send checks to support him.
-
-
Oh please, not another abridged!!!
- By Pamela on 10-26-03
By: Chuck Palahniuk
-
British Bedmate
- By: Penelope Ward, Vi Keeland
- Narrated by: Zachary Webber, Andi Arndt
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I'm writing this letter because it's highly doubtful I'll ever garner the courage to say this to your face. So, here goes. We're totally wrong for each other. You're the proper single mum with a good head on your shoulders. I'm just the carefree British doctor passing through town and temporarily living in your converted garage until I head back to England. But here's the thing... for some bloody reason, I can't stop thinking about you in very inappropriate ways.
-
-
A HEARTWARMING AND DELICIOUS ROM/COM
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 10-24-17
By: Penelope Ward, and others
-
Survivor
- By: Chuck Palahniuk
- Narrated by: Michael Braun
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tender Branson - last surviving member of the so-called "Creedish Death Cult" - is dictating his incredible life story into the flight recorder of Flight 2039, cruising on autopilot at 39,000 feet somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. He is all alone in the plane, which will shortly reach terminal velocity and crash into the vast Australian outback.
-
-
genius
- By J.O. on 06-23-22
By: Chuck Palahniuk
-
The Naked Truth
- By: Vi Keeland
- Narrated by: Sebastian York, Andi Arndt
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It was just a typical Monday. Until the big boss asked me to make the pitch for a prospective new client. After two years on shaky ground at work because of my screw up, an opportunity to impress the senior partners was just what I needed. Or so I thought, until I walked into the conference room and collided with the man I was supposed to pitch to. My coffee spilled, my files tumbled to the ground, and I almost lost my balance. And that was the good part of my day. Because the gorgeous man who crouched down and looked at me like he wanted to eat me alive was none other than my ex.
-
-
This isn’t a typical love story.
- By Angelica Quintero on 07-26-18
By: Vi Keeland
-
Tampa
- By: Alissa Nutting
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Celeste Price is an eighth-grade English teacher in suburban Tampa. But Celeste's devotion lies elsewhere. She has a singular sexual obsession: 14-year-old boys. In slaking her sexual thirst, Celeste Price is remorseless and deviously free of hesitation, a monstress driven by pure motivation. She deceives everyone, and cares nothing for anyone or anything but her own pleasure. With crackling, rampantly unadulterated prose, Tampa is a grand, uncompromising, seriocomic examination of want and a scorching literary debut.
-
-
This author is pretty gutsy
- By Linda on 02-19-14
By: Alissa Nutting
-
Gentleman Nine
- By: Penelope Ward
- Narrated by: Sebastian York, Andi Arndt
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Growing up, the three of us were friends. He was the nerd. I was the playboy. She was the beauty. Deep down, I only ever wanted her. I kept it inside because Rory and I made a pact that our friend, Amber, was off-limits. He lied. I went off to college, and he got the girl. Amber never knew how I felt. They were together for years - before he broke her heart. Through it all and across the miles, she and I casually stayed in touch. When my job sent me to Boston for a three-month contract position, Amber let me stay in her spare room.
-
-
OMG! The narration!
- By Daisy Zorman on 02-19-18
By: Penelope Ward
-
Stuck-Up Suit
- By: Vi Keeland, Penelope Ward
- Narrated by: Joe Arden, Maxine Mitchell
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It started out like any other morning on the train - until I became mesmerized by the guy sitting across the aisle. He was barking at someone on his phone like he ruled the world. Who did the stuck-up suit think he was...God? Actually, he looked like a god. That was about it.
-
-
Nope!
- By Tammy on 10-18-16
By: Vi Keeland, and others
-
Egomaniac
- By: Vi Keeland
- Narrated by: Joe Arden, Andi Arndt
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A new standalone novel from #1 New York Times bestselling author, Vi Keeland. The night I met Drew Jagger, he'd just broken into my new Park Avenue office. I dialed 9-1-1 before proceeding to attack him with my fancy new Krav Maga skills. He quickly restrained me, then chuckled, finding my attempted assault amusing. Of course, my intruder had to be arrogant. Only, turned out, he wasn't an intruder at all. Drew was the rightful occupant of my new office. He'd been on vacation while his posh space was renovated.
-
-
Happy "Gotcha" Day!
- By Cheri on 01-22-17
By: Vi Keeland
-
Rebel Heir: Book One
- The Rush Series, Volume 1
- By: Vi Keeland, Penelope Ward
- Narrated by: Maxine Mitchell, Sebastian York
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
How to kick off a great summer in the Hamptons: Snag a gorgeous rental on the beach. Check. Get a job at a trendy summer haunt. Check. How to screw up a great summer in the Hamptons: Fall for the one guy with a dark leather jacket, scruff on his face, and intense eyes that doesn’t fit in with the rest of the tony-looking crowd. A guy you can’t have when you’ll be leaving at the end of the season. Check. Check. Check.
-
-
Great story BUT
- By Maria on 04-25-18
By: Vi Keeland, and others
What listeners say about The Average American Male
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Valentine McGillycuddy
- 04-03-21
better the second time
I read the book years ago and seeing that it was read by the author, well it was a no brainer. he reads it how he wrote it, I wish more authors did this.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- dorton
- 03-29-16
Hilarious if you are not easily offended
Within 30 seconds, I was laughing out loud. The book stayed that way from start to finish. I've already recommended it to friends.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Patrick Marks
- 12-23-15
Where do I start...?
Riding on someone's shirttails can be risky in the fact that if you don't live up to the expectations of the other then your a wannabe, case in point, this book. This has less than 1/5 the humor, 1/10 the intelligence than Tucker Max and 5 times the vulgarity. Don't waste your money unless you have the moral compass of Hitler.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Amazon Customer
- 07-04-24
great ending
this story captures the pitfalls of life in romantic relationships without any real purpose or understanding of one's self or their partner.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- M. Czaicki
- 04-20-17
Immature shallow story
This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
If you view your life as a constant quest to get laid and obtain blow jobs then this book is for you. Shallow story, vulgar and obnoxious quest for sex from the main character.
It reads like a version of the shades of gray book for 20 year old men.
What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?
I was disappointed and somewhat disgusted with this book. Too simple, too vulgar and obnoxious.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Pete
- 11-04-14
The Average American Book
Is there anything you would change about this book?
No
Would you recommend The Average American Male to your friends? Why or why not?
Certain friends would enjoy this book, others would turn it off after 10 minutes.
What do you think the narrator could have done better?
The narrator was fine.
Do you think The Average American Male needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?
Oh, God no. You can't possibly care about these characters any less, so why would I want to read more about them.
Any additional comments?
The book is a decently entertaining listen. It's crude, perverted and borderline pornographic, which makes up the entertaining part. The story is lame and predictable, and you pretty much hate every character in the book, and can't wait for it to be over.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
2 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- fred
- 03-01-16
Not good!
Not a good book! This is a guy just trying his own spin off of a Tucker Max book!! SUCKS
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!