
Notes on a Silencing
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Lacy Crawford
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By:
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Lacy Crawford
About this listen
A "powerful and scary and important and true" memoir of a young woman's struggle to regain her sense of self after trauma, and the efforts by a powerful New England boarding school to silence her—at any cost (Sally Mann, author of Hold Still).
Shortlisted for the 2022 William Saroyan International Prize for Writing
When Notes on a Silencing hit bookstores in the summer of 2020, even amidst a global pandemic, it sent shockwaves through the country. Not only did this intimate investigative memoir usher in a media storm of coverage, but it also prompted the elite St. Paul's School to issue a formal apology to the author, Lacy Crawford, for its handling of her report of sexual assault by two fellow students nearly thirty years ago.
In this searing book, Crawford tells the story of coming forward during the state investigation of the elite New England prep school decades after her assault, only to find for the first time evidence that corroborated her memories. Here were depictions of the naïve, hardworking girl she’d been, as well as astonishing proof of an institutional silencing. The slander, innuendo, and lack of adult concern that Crawford had experienced as a student hadn't been imagined; they were the actions of a school that prized its reputation above anything, even a child.
This revelation launched Crawford on an extraordinary inquiry deep into gender, privilege, and power, and the ways shame and guilt are used to silence victims. Insightful, arresting, and beautifully written, Notes on a Silencing wrestles with an essential question for our time: what telling of a survivor's story will finally force a remedy?
“Erudite and devastating… Crawford's writing is astonishing… Notes on a Silencing is a purposefully named, brutal and brilliant retort to the asinine question of 'Why now?'… The story is crafted with the precision of a thriller, with revelations that sent me reeling…”—Jessica Knoll, New York Times
A Best Book of the Year: Time, NPR, People, Real Simple, Marie Claire, The Lineup, LitHub, Library Journal, BookPage, and Shelf Awareness
A New York Times Book Review Notable Book
A New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice
One of People Magazine’s 10 Best Books of the Year
Semifinalist for a Goodreads Choice Award
©2020 Lacy Crawford (P)2020 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Erudite and devastating… Notes on a Silencing is a purposefully named, brutal and brilliant retort to the asinine question of 'Why now?'… The story is crafted with the precision of a thriller, with revelations that sent me reeling… Crawford’s writing is astonishing.”—Jessica Knoll, New York Times
“A riveting, damning exploration of how a single moment can reshape an entire life… [and] a haunting exploration of the systematic ways assault victims are ignored… Crawford’s revelations about the insidious and systematic ways stories of assault are buried left me shaken, moved, angry. By the end, we all understand how rarely women are granted any kind of justice… Crawford does what the best memoirists do: She reaches beyond a single story… in its relentless exploration of power and hubris, Notes on a Silencing is a story that reminds us (because we apparently need reminding again and again) that women are still impotent against institutions and the men who run them… One cannot help but conjure the poised, careful testimony of Christine Blasey Ford and the sputtering, self-righteous rage of Brett M. Kavanaugh… a stunning, audacious attempt to reassert power over her own story.”—Rachel Louise Snyder, Washington Post
“The rigor and elegance of Crawford’s sentences, even while writing about such painful things, lifts this memoir into literary heights… Crawford lays bare the impact of violence on identity. She navigates her trauma surgically by trying to establish the parameters of its lexicon… with the help of therapy, detectives, records she thought lost to time, and a new case brought to the fore, Crawford is forcing the unchecked power of an elite institution to answer for their violations and the victims they shoved into silent hallways of despair.”—Kerri Arsenault, Boston Globe
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The Foundling tells the incredible and inspiring true story of Paul Fronczak, a man who recently discovered via a DNA test that he was not who he thought he was - and set out to solve two 50-year-old mysteries at once. Along the way he upturned the genealogy industry, unearthed his family's deepest secrets, and broke open the second longest cold-case in US history, all in a desperate bid to find out who he really is.
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Prepare yourself for a journey that will take you to shocking places!
- By OUChris on 04-04-17
By: Paul Joseph Fronczak, and others
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Unorthodox
- The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots
- By: Deborah Feldman
- Narrated by: Rachel Botchan, Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 10 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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As a member of the strictly religious Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism, Deborah Feldman grew up under a code of relentlessly enforced customs governing everything from what she could wear and to whom she could speak to what she was allowed to read. Yet in spite of her repressive upbringing, Deborah grew into an independent-minded young woman whose stolen moments reading about the empowered literary characters of Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott helped her to imagine an alternative way of life among the skyscrapers of Manhattan.
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Narrator Problem
- By Phyllis on 04-24-20
By: Deborah Feldman
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Her One Mistake
- By: Heidi Perks
- Narrated by: Kirsty Dillon, Julie Maisey, Sally Scott
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Charlotte was supposed to be looking after the children, and she swears she was. She only took her eyes off of them for one second. But when her three kids are all safe and sound at the school fair, and Alice, her best friend Harriet’s daughter, is nowhere to be found, Charlotte panics. Frantically searching everywhere, Charlotte knows she must find the courage to tell Harriet that her beloved only child is missing. And admit that she has only herself to blame.
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wow!
- By lisa on 03-04-19
By: Heidi Perks
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The Hard Parts
- A Memoir of Courage and Triumph
- By: Oksana Masters, Cassidy Randall - contributor
- Narrated by: Emily Tremaine, Oksana Masters
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Oksana Masters was born in Ukraine—in the shadow of Chernobyl—seemingly with the odds stacked against her. She came into the world with one kidney, a partial stomach, six toes on each foot, webbed fingers, no right bicep, and no thumbs. Her left leg was six inches shorter than her right, and she was missing both tibias.
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Strength is Oksana Masters
- By Trina Bull on 02-01-25
By: Oksana Masters, and others
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You'll Grow Out of It
- By: Jessi Klein
- Narrated by: Jessi Klein
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In You'll Grow Out of It, Jessi Klein offers - through an incisive collection of real-life stories - a relentlessly funny yet poignant take on a variety of topics she has experienced along her strange journey to womanhood and beyond. These include her "transformation from Pippi Longstocking-esque tomboy to are-you-a-lesbian-or-what tom man", attempting to find watchable porn, and identifying the difference between being called "ma'am" and "miss" (" miss sounds like you weigh 99 pounds").
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I like this woman so much!
- By Sarah F. on 07-24-16
By: Jessi Klein
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The Memory Librarian
- And Other Stories of Dirty Computer
- By: Janelle Monáe
- Narrated by: Janelle Monáe, Bahni Turpin
- Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Janelle Monáe and an incredible array of talented collaborating creators have written a collection of tales comprising the bold vision and powerful themes that have made Monáe such a compelling and celebrated storyteller. Dirty Computer introduced a world in which thoughts—as a means of self-conception—could be controlled or erased by a select few. And whether human, A.I., or other, your life and sentience was dictated by those who’d convinced themselves they had the right to decide your fate.
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Hard to follow
- By Nikki Raibon on 04-26-22
By: Janelle Monáe
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The Trauma Cleaner
- By: Sarah Krasnostein
- Narrated by: Rachael Tidd
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Before she was a trauma cleaner, Sandra Pankhurst was many things: husband and father, drag queen, gender reassignment patient, sex worker, small businesswoman, trophy wife... but as a little boy, raised in violence and excluded from the family home, she just wanted to belong. Now she believes her clients deserve no less. A man who bled quietly to death in his living room. Sarah Krasnostein has watched the extraordinary Sandra Pankhurst bring order and care to these, the living and the dead - and the book she has written is equally extraordinary.
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Beautiful, emotional, and perfectly narrated.
- By LitWitWineDine on 06-30-18
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Carrie Fisher
- A Life on the Edge
- By: Sheila Weller
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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A remarkably candid biography of the remarkably candid - and brilliant - Carrie Fisher. Sourced by friends, colleagues, and witnesses to all stages of Fisher’s life, Carrie Fisher: A Life on the Edge is an empathic and even-handed portrayal of a woman who - as Princess Leia, but mostly as herself - was a feminist heroine, one who died at a time when we need her blazing, healing honesty more than ever.
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Need a different narrator or director?
- By Brad on 12-24-19
By: Sheila Weller
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Life Undercover
- Coming of Age in the CIA
- By: Amaryllis Fox
- Narrated by: Amaryllis Fox
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Amaryllis Fox's riveting memoir tells the story of her 10 years in the most elite clandestine ops unit of the CIA, hunting the world's most dangerous terrorists in 16 countries while marrying and giving birth to a daughter. Life Undercover is exhilarating, intimate, fiercely intelligent - an impossible-to-pause record of an extraordinary life, and of Amaryllis Fox's astonishing courage and passion.
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Book of the year...
- By Mr Dangerous on 10-16-19
By: Amaryllis Fox
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The Music of Bees
- A Novel
- By: Eileen Garvin
- Narrated by: Thérèse Plummer
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Forty-four-year-old Alice Holtzman is stuck in a dead-end job, bereft of family, and now reeling from the unexpected death of her husband. Alice has begun having panic attacks whenever she thinks about how her life hasn't turned out the way she dreamed. Even the beloved honeybees she raises in her spare time aren't helping her feel better these days.
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A little too many political agendas
- By Mike Thompson on 05-26-21
By: Eileen Garvin
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The Witches Are Coming
- By: Lindy West
- Narrated by: Lindy West
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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From the moment powerful men started falling to the #MeToo movement, the lamentations began: This is feminism gone too far, this is injustice, this is a witch hunt. In The Witches Are Coming, firebrand author of the New York Times best-selling memoir and now critically acclaimed Hulu TV series Shrill Lindy West turns that refrain on its head. You think this is a witch hunt? Fine. You've got one.
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Starts strong then wanders
- By Dawn on 01-09-20
By: Lindy West
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The Shape of Water
- By: Guillermo del Toro, Daniel Kraus
- Narrated by: Jenna Lamia
- Length: 13 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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The Shape of Water is set in Cold War-era Baltimore at the Occam Aerospace Research Center, which has recently received its most sensitive asset ever: an amphibious man captured in the Amazon. What unfolds is a stirring romance between the asset and one of the janitors on staff, a mute woman who uses sign language to communicate with the creature.
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Superb
- By E. Chadwick on 03-29-18
By: Guillermo del Toro, and others
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The Less People Know About Us
- A Mystery of Betrayal, Family Secrets, and Stolen Identity
- By: Axton Betz-Hamilton
- Narrated by: Laurie Winkel
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In this powerful true crime memoir, an award-winning identity theft expert tells the shocking story of the duplicity and betrayal that inspired her career and nearly destroyed her family. Axton Betz-Hamilton grew up in small-town Indiana in the early '90s. When she was 11 years old, her parents both had their identities stolen. Their credit ratings were ruined, and they were constantly fighting over money. This was before the age of the Internet, when identity theft became more commonplace, so authorities and banks were clueless and reluctant to help Axton's parents.
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Holy Shit
- By Jason Wiking on 02-19-20
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Full Tilt
- Ireland to India with a Bicycle
- By: Dervla Murphy
- Narrated by: Emma Lowe
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Full Tilt is the inspiring true story of Dervla Murphy's 1963 journey from Ireland to India on an Armstrong Cadet bicycle, and the trials, landscapes, and cultures she encountered along the way. The route takes her through the valleys and snowy mountain passes of Europe and India to the scorching deserts of Afghanistan and Pakistan, where the metal of her bicycle, Rozinante (named after Don Quixote's steed), becomes too hot to touch.
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Prejudice personified
- By Steve on 09-27-20
By: Dervla Murphy
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Parallel Worlds
- A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions, and the Future of the Cosmos
- By: Michio Kaku
- Narrated by: Marc Vietor
- Length: 14 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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In Parallel Worlds, world-renowned physicist and best-selling author Michio Kaku - an author who "has a knack for bringing the most ethereal ideas down to earth" (Wall Street Journal) - takes listeners on a fascinating tour of cosmology, M-theory, and its implications for the fate of the universe.
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Misleading title
- By Fara on 09-14-16
By: Michio Kaku
What listeners say about Notes on a Silencing
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- Tamara
- 07-30-21
Well told and well read
Lacy Crawford’s devastating story, though not surprising, is no less horrifying for its cold and knowing predictability. The reader roots for Crawford to upend the established order at her New England boarding school, and to make someone—anyone—pay. Somehow, even in all its awfulness, Crawford manages to inject a certain dark humor in the telling. In the end I was left feeling that I would love to hang out with this strong and brave, self aware, remarkable woman! Well worth reading and hearing.
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- MaryPat
- 01-30-21
Lacy Crawford you are amazing!!
This book is absolutely captivating, everything about it is excellent. It's a story that grabs you from the first sentence and doesn't let go. Perhaps that's because we hear truth and pain and sincere emotion. Perhaps because Lacy Crawford has laid her heart out open and raw for all of us to see. I hope with all that I am that she has brought St Paul's and all abusive clergy right to their knees, both in shame and in asking for forgiveness. More than anything I hope they learn from it and never allow this to happen or go un addressed again.
Lacy Crawford, you are amazing. I believe you, I see your pain and I honor you. Telling this story is going to resonate for a long long time and I hope you come to really know how much good you are doing for abused, both boys and girls, by the telling.
And... write us another book! And narrate it yourself. You are one talented broad!! lol.
PS: I'd love to hear the story of your mother and what brought her to her faith and life choices.
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- MH
- 10-16-21
Thank You For Your Courage
Wow, this is a great book and the author is a great narrator. Unthinkable to think Lacy had to go through all of this but so glad that she was able to work through it to appoint to be able to write this book which I’m sure will help so many others and hopefully bring her some validation for what she went through. I’m glad the school was finally exposed.
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- garlic heart
- 04-24-22
Sad, but captivating and very important memoir.
This was incredibly well narrated and beautifully told, with great sensitivity regarding the difficult topic.
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- lada'at chochmah umusar
- 01-17-22
Absolute Must!!
Lacy! You are brilliant! Your editing and arrangement, your vocabulary...supreme in every way! Thank you for heroically surviving the ugliness that continually surrounded you and triumphing. It is so important to realize, first, how widespread this type of corruption is, second, to be shocked, to never get used to it! Third, to believe and be mad and investigate ASAP. Lacy, you have enriched us with your life, your excellent craft of skilled writing. I could read your wordsmithing for decades. You are a writer first class. Thank you again. I can share this with many. Bless you indeed for the wisdom.
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- Rebecca
- 06-08-22
Devastating infuriating story, brilliant writer
This was perfectly told. What a brave, selfless act by a victim who chose to tell her brutal abuse (physical and mental) by young men, sick fellow. entitled students, a monstrous, unscrupulous school beaurocracy, and a twisted corrupt legal world. She told her story rather than sue the bastards who fought and won in covering it all up. She shows how to turn victimhood, oppression, and horrific shaming into hereoism and brutal strenght! Brava and thank you, Ms. Crawford. God bless you, your wonderful husband and kids.
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- TLH ~ 🎧 ~
- 01-05-23
Thank you Lacy Crawford
Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in this heartbreaking and courageous account of your brutal rape. Gone are the days that we will silence sexual assault survivors if only least because saying out loud the words that might include ‘without asking my permission, they thrust their cocks so hard down my esophagus, causing me to believe I would die of asphyxiation, that for years after I would not be able to speak, eat, drink or sing without excruciating discomfort. And not know why while everyone else did. And I would blame myself.’ Not saying these words because it would not be polite, because these words rape and cock and thrust and asphyxiation are not appropriate for ‘dinner conversation’. As a survivor of child sexual abuse by my parent in the 1970’s, I am so thankful that because of the patience and bravery and beautiful words of you and so many others, that I have agency to tell my story. I can secure safe havens and boundaries that I never would otherwise be able to have had without the institutional change that has come from breaking the silence of sexual abuse by survivors that are gifted in the written word like you. I am so grateful and I will read this book over and again for the reassurance and encouragement that you have given. And by the way the best narration I have ever heard, hands down! Whoever says that authors should not ever read their own work have not read this. Beautiful voice, stunning in its timing, tone and clarity, it is dreamlike song to my ears. I wish you all the luck in the future.
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- Priscilla
- 06-23-23
Sad story, well told
I relate to this story and its author’s silencing. I’m glad Lacy had an opportunity to share what happened to her and expose all the people who had an opportunity to be compassionate along the way but who, instead, blamed her for making them uncomfortable. Particularly, it’s sad to know her parents never quite got there with her. I wonder what they thought after reading this book!
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- Sue N.
- 03-30-24
The outspoken starkness of a personal injustice
This is one of those unforgettable books not only because of the narrative but because of the narrator.
Lacy Crawford is one of the few authors who relates her story with an emotional and yet factual perspective which draws the listener into the intimate drama of the events.
This is a "must listen" for anyone who has ever been assaulted/stigmatized/discriminated against as it delves into the mind of the victim without a feeling of pity rather of courage.
It is - in my opinion - recommended listening for all those who feel it "could never happen to them".
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- Andrew Koppel
- 08-09-20
There Are No Words
The story itself is extraordinarily powerful. But what makes this book truly special is its eloquent writing and even more eloquent narration. Ms. Crawford’s voice is the equal of her style; her candor is beyond impressive. This is a truly important and powerful memoir.
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12 people found this helpful