
I'll Mature When I'm Dead
Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
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Narrated by:
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Dave Barry
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By:
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Dave Barry
About this listen
I'll Mature When I'm Dead is the New York Times best-seller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey to adulthood a little easier - and a lot funnier.
Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Dave Barry will help through this process - with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood, and even vampires!
©2010 Dave Barry (P)2010 PenguinListeners also enjoyed...
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It's been a long time Dave
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sooo funny !!
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Don’t waste your credit
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Clever!
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In this hilarious novel, written in the voice of eighth-grader Wyatt Palmer, Dave Barry takes us on a class trip to Washington, DC. Wyatt, his best friend, Matt, and a few kids from Culver Middle School find themselves in a heap of trouble - not just with their teachers, who have long lost patience with them - but from several mysterious men they first meet on their flight to the nation's capital.
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What a hoot!
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Required Reading, Excellent Audio Book!
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sooo funny !!
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- Narrated by: Dave Barry
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jesse Braddock is trapped in a tiny cabin deep in the Everglades with her infant daughter and her ex-boyfriend, a wannabe reality TV star who turned out to be a lot prettier on the outside than on the inside. Broke and desperate for a way out, Jesse stumbles across a long-lost treasure, which could solve all her problems—if she can figure out how to keep it. The problem is some very bad men are also looking for the treasure, and they know Jesse has it.
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Don’t waste your credit
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-
-
Clever!
- By Sharlotte on 01-31-17
By: Dave Barry
-
The Worst Class Trip Ever
- Class Trip, Book 1
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 3 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this hilarious novel, written in the voice of eighth-grader Wyatt Palmer, Dave Barry takes us on a class trip to Washington, DC. Wyatt, his best friend, Matt, and a few kids from Culver Middle School find themselves in a heap of trouble - not just with their teachers, who have long lost patience with them - but from several mysterious men they first meet on their flight to the nation's capital.
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What a hoot!
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Fun Story, needs a different narrator.
- By Mariah on 01-31-13
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Lunatics
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Philip Horkman is a happy man - the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for kids' soccer. Jeffrey Peckerman is the sole sane person in a world filled with goddamned jerks and morons, and he's having a really bad day. The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, terrorists, subversives, bears, and a man dressed as Chuck E. Cheese.
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This is funny -- like a train wreck
- By Vox Locus on 03-18-12
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Best. State. Ever.
- A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
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- Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why.
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Most. Annoying. Narration. Ever.
- By Triple A on 06-21-17
By: Dave Barry
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Dave Barry Does Japan
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Without bothering to get approval from the President, the State Department, or even the FTC, Dave Barry's publishers sent him to Tokyo. You'd think they would have known better. Now the word is Barry has set back our diplomatic relations with the whole Pacific Rim by a couple of decades. Japanese culture, dining, sport, and industry all come under Barry's relentless scrutiny.
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Uplifting and fun
- By S. Blaine on 04-30-03
By: Dave Barry
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Peter and the Starcatchers
- The Starcatchers, Book 1
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Story
In an evocative and fast-paced adventure on the high seas and on a faraway island an orphan boy named Peter and his mysterious new friend, Molly, overcome bands of pirates and thieves in their quest to keep a fantastical secret safe and save the world from evil.
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A fast paced frolic on the high seas!
- By Deborah on 12-19-08
By: Dave Barry, and others
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Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
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Performance
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Following the best-selling success of Dave's novel, Big Trouble, here is a hilarious new collection of columns from the writer critics have called "the funniest man in America."
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Funny writing, awful narrator
- By Cody on 05-16-11
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Tricky Business
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The Extravaganza of the Seas is a 5,000 ton cash cow, a top-heavy tub whose sole function is to carry gamblers three miles from the Florida coast, take their money, then bring them back so they can find more money.
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A warning
- By Mike From Mesa on 05-05-14
By: Dave Barry
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Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: John Ritter
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The American guy is not to be confused with a husband, father, hunk, or intellectual, says guy expert Dave Barry. Published just in time (the American guy faces extinction due to feminism, the men's movement, and stricter sanitation laws), this guide gives women helpful advice for understanding Him (or It) and offers men useful tips on remembering the names of their children and other dilemmas of life.
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I laughed all the way through
- By Alan Rither on 08-10-04
By: Dave Barry
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Dave Barry Talks Back
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- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 2 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Dave Barry writes funny, you write back. And when you write funny, Dave Barry talks back! Pulitzer Prize-winning author and columnist Dave Barry gets more response from readers than any other writer in the United States. And now the absolute best of Dave Barry is available, complete with those items sent in by Dave's legion of Alert Readers all across the country. But Dave Barry doesn't only talk back to readers. He talks back to traffic cops, dentists, doctors, Congress, and his very dumb dogs.
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Just as funny now as it was 34 years ago!
- By Daniel on 04-05-25
By: Dave Barry
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Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway
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- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Understanding the urgent need for a deeply thoughtful, balanced book to explain our national political process, Dave Barry has not even come close. Though he himself has covered many campaigns, run for president several times, and run for cover at the rainy inauguration of George W. Bush (the man will spare nothing for his art), Barry has instead outdone himself.
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I Love everything Dave Barry, BUT...
- By As my Wimsey takes me on 03-04-13
By: Dave Barry
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Boogers Are My Beat
- More Lies, But Some Actual Journalism from Dave Barry
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: The scientific search for the world's funniest joke; RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot; outwitting "smart" kitchen appliances and service contracts; elections in Florida ("You can't spell Florida without 'duh'"); the Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating; and much, much more.
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Mark Twain of our time
- By Dana on 10-30-21
By: Dave Barry
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Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
People who viewed this also viewed...
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Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
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Tupperware ladies, eighties people, and leisure concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe! In this collection of eighty essays, the inimitable columnist observes everything that makes America the unique, special place you've grown to love: taxes, toilets, airbags, baseball, beer commercials, and numerous other American artifacts.
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-
sooo funny !!
- By Anonymous User on 07-12-24
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Required Reading, Excellent Audio Book!
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An uproariously funny examination of what one generation can teach to another - or not - from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times - best-selling author of You Can Date Boys When You're Forty and Insane City. During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has gained much wisdom* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed), and he is eager to pass it on - to the next generation, the generation after that, and those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience.
-
-
Clever!
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By: Dave Barry
-
Class Clown
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
How does the son of a Presbyterian minister wind up winning a Pulitzer Prize for writing a wildly inaccurate newspaper column read by millions of people? In Class Clown, Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious ride, starting with a childhood largely spent throwing rocks for entertainment—there was no internet—and preparing for nuclear war by hiding under a classroom desk. After literally getting elected class clown in high school, he went to college, where, as an English major, he read snippets of great literature when he was not busy playing in a rock band (it was the sixties).
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A chain of events that will change the lives of each and every character will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
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-
Classic Barry at his Best
- By Scott on 09-18-08
By: Dave Barry
-
Insane City
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him - and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable.
-
-
Fun Story, needs a different narrator.
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Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
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-
Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Tupperware ladies, eighties people, and leisure concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe! In this collection of eighty essays, the inimitable columnist observes everything that makes America the unique, special place you've grown to love: taxes, toilets, airbags, baseball, beer commercials, and numerous other American artifacts.
-
-
sooo funny !!
- By Anonymous User on 07-12-24
By: Dave Barry
-
Lessons from Lucy
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 4 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As Dave Barry turns 70 - not happily - he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones - turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does.
-
-
Required Reading, Excellent Audio Book!
- By Cramer407 on 04-13-19
By: Dave Barry
-
Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster)
- Life Lessons from Dave Barry
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An uproariously funny examination of what one generation can teach to another - or not - from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times - best-selling author of You Can Date Boys When You're Forty and Insane City. During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has gained much wisdom* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed), and he is eager to pass it on - to the next generation, the generation after that, and those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience.
-
-
Clever!
- By Sharlotte on 01-31-17
By: Dave Barry
-
Class Clown
- The Memoirs of a Professional Wiseass: How I Went 77 Years Without Growing Up
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
How does the son of a Presbyterian minister wind up winning a Pulitzer Prize for writing a wildly inaccurate newspaper column read by millions of people? In Class Clown, Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious ride, starting with a childhood largely spent throwing rocks for entertainment—there was no internet—and preparing for nuclear war by hiding under a classroom desk. After literally getting elected class clown in high school, he went to college, where, as an English major, he read snippets of great literature when he was not busy playing in a rock band (it was the sixties).
By: Dave Barry
-
Big Trouble
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A chain of events that will change the lives of each and every character will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
-
-
Classic Barry at his Best
- By Scott on 09-18-08
By: Dave Barry
-
Insane City
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him - and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable.
-
-
Fun Story, needs a different narrator.
- By Mariah on 01-31-13
By: Dave Barry
What listeners say about I'll Mature When I'm Dead
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- R. Davis
- 03-19-13
Hysterical and thoroughly entertaining.
Dave Barry is a genius. Listening to this on public transportation is risky. People will stare as you become hysterical and giggly. It's a great testament that I was willing to endure the looks of distain as I rode to and from work. It's that good.
Enough said.
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- Jane
- 03-30-14
4 ½ stars. Fun. This guy is really good.
I laughed a lot. Humorous essays on a variety of topics. Most of them were funny. But a few less so. The weakest ones for me were the one about writing a screenplay and Dave’s retelling of “Twilight” the famous teenage vampire story. It was funny at first, but he could have stopped after the first third or so. It became repetitive.
The author did a great job of narrating the audiobook. Good timing with pauses. I didn’t have to keep stopping the tape the way I did with Woody Allen.
Genre: humorous essays
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- Linda
- 10-22-12
Dave Barry Cracks Me Up!
I have enjoyed every Dave Barry article and book I have ever read. This was no exception. The understated humor is great. Many real belly laughs in this one.
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- K. McRitchie
- 01-16-11
It will brighten your day
A collection of various observances on every day life that will make you smile. It is light, funny, and a great listen when you need something to brighten your day. I would listen for awhile, then put it away for awhile, then listen again, it was great. Dave talks about the every-day things that we don't really think about in a new light.
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- green ice cream garden
- 01-20-15
Not all greatest hits, but so many gems
I think I said it all with the subject line. Not all of these essays are hilarious but more than enough will have you laughing out loud. Dave Barry is always worth the credit.
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Story
- Frances
- 09-07-18
A good listen, could be slightly improved.
Made fun of classic middle class conditioning concerning manhood and dadhood. I enjoyed listening, especially about his colonoscopy! I can't help but think I would have laughed more out loud had I been reading it to myself in its original format. Audibly, it would have been much funnier if delivered out loud by a professional comidian who has more dynamic inflection to bring out the more humerous points.
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Overall
- R. Sippel
- 06-02-10
If Dave Barry makes you laugh
Typical Dave Barry humor, and I'm with Dave on this one, I don't care how old you are farts are funny. Just enjoy and laugh!
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Dan
- 06-09-10
Typical Dave Barry Humor
This is a funny book, but I don't recommend listening to it while working out at the health club...people will wonder what you're laughing at!
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
- chris
- 08-17-10
Heeelarious
Laugh out loud funny throughout. A little more acerbic than his newspaper column, and more creative. His spoofs on modern TV and vampire novels were the standout for me. I will be reading this again, and again.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
- Mrs. Joe
- 01-08-11
Hilarious
If you enjoy reading Dave Barry, you will absolutely love listening to him read you his work. Even those who are not typically Barry fans will find things to laugh about in this book. I have played several of the essays for others I knew would enjoy them. The Twilight spoof had me actually in tears I was laughing so hard. Even when Barry takes on a serious topic like his brother's cancer, you will still find yourself laughing, entertained and nodding in agreement.
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2 people found this helpful