
If I Don't Laugh, I'll Cry
How Death, Debt, and Comedy Led to a Life of Faith, Farming, and Forgetting What I Came into This Room For
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Narrated by:
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Molly Stillman
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Lisa Larsen
About this listen
Read by the author.
Some people have life all figured out. This book is for the rest of us.
Molly Stillman has lived the type of life that when shared, people stop in their tracks and ask “Wait, what happened?” Molly’s mother, Lynda Van Devanter Buckley, served as an Army nurse during the Vietnam War and wrote the bestselling memoir Home Before Morning. When Molly was seventeen, Lynda passed away after an eight-year battle with an autoimmune disorder due to her exposure to Agent Orange. Four years later Molly turned twenty-one and unexpectedly inherited a quarter of a million dollars from her mother’s estranged family’s estate. Through “retail therapy” and a long series of grossly irresponsible financial decisions, Molly found herself broke with over $36,000 in credit card debt less than two years later. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment set in.
With aspirations of a career in comedy, Molly used humor to mask the pain and brokenness she felt, believing that if she looked joyful and put together on the outside, it would eventually be true on the inside. Instead, she spent the next few years depressed, lonely, and feeling alienated from those closest to her. But an unlikely call with a compassionate credit counselor, meeting the spreadsheet-loving man who eventually became her husband, and a surprising visit to a church started her on a path that changed everything.
If I Don’t Laugh, I’ll Cry offers humor and hope to all of us who have struggled to reconcile the life we are living with the life we thought we wanted to have. Molly will bring you into the tension of feeling both joy and grief and show you that every broken, messed up story has a purpose, and it’s possible to gain everything if you’re willing to surrender it all to Jesus.
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Home Front
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Maggi-Meg Reed
- Length: 7 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
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Like many couples, Michael and Jolene Zarkades have to face the pressures of everyday life—children, careers, bills, chores—even as their twelve-year marriage is falling apart. Then a deployment sends Jolene deep into harm's way and leaves defense attorney Michael at home, unaccustomed to being a single parent to their two girls. As a mother, it agonizes Jolene to leave her family, but as a solider, she has always understood the true meaning of duty. In her letters home, she paints a rose-colored version of her life on the front lines, shielding her family from the truth.
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Definitely wish I had read and not listened....
- By Tammy on 02-10-12
By: Kristin Hannah
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Angel Falls
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Bruce Reizen
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Michaela, beloved wife and mother of two, lies in a coma. Doctors have told her husband Liam not to expect a recovery, but he maintains hope that love can accomplish what medicine cannot. Day after day, he sits by her bedside, holding her hand, sharing the stories of their life together. Then he discovers the evidence of his wife's secret past - a long hidden first marriage to international movie star Julian True.
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Terrible Narrator
- By lomo7678 on 08-21-14
By: Kristin Hannah
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When Religion Hurts You
- Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion
- By: Laura E. Anderson PhD
- Narrated by: Laura E. Anderson PhD
- Length: 6 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Laura Anderson takes an honest look at a side of religion that few like to talk about. Drawing from her own life and therapy practice, she helps listeners understand what religious trauma is and isn't, and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive, often resulting in trauma. She shows how elements of fundamentalist church life—such as fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders—can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
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Harmed by Church of Christ beliefs
- By Bryan Wade on 04-14-24
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Distant Shores
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Bernadette Quigley
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Elizabeth and Jackson Shore married young, raised two daughters, and weathered the storms of youth as they built a future together. But after the children leave home, they quietly drift apart. When Jack accepts a wonderful new job offer, Elizabeth puts her needs aside to follow him across the country. Until the sudden death of her father changes everything.
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Hit way too close to home
- By The Wylder Skye on 01-28-17
By: Kristin Hannah
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American Drug Addict
- a memoir
- By: Brett Douglas
- Narrated by: Ryan Turner
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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My name is Brett. I'm a college-educated man who was once a husband of 26 years with two children, three businesses, and a large home with an actual white picket fence. I'm also a drug addict. And I have a tale to tell. It's about the despair of addiction and the absolute certainty that it can be overcome. Recovery is not simply abstinence, but a process of growing up. I spent my entire life searching for the key to long-term sobriety. I would like to share with you what I have learned.
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UGHHHH. NOOOO.
- By karen McCann on 09-29-18
By: Brett Douglas
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Ghosted
- An American Story
- By: Nancy French
- Narrated by: Nancy French
- Length: 9 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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A compelling, thought-provoking memoir about Nancy French's journey from her family's mountain roots to success as a ghostwriter, only to be rejected by her party, church, and community. Ghosted by New York Times bestselling author Nancy French is for all who were alienated by those closest to them and left spiritually and politically homeless.
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I Had No Idea This Book Would Be This Good
- By Brian A. on 05-06-24
By: Nancy French
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House of Furies
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Billie Fulford-Brown
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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After escaping a harsh school where punishment was the lesson of the day, 17-year-old Louisa Ditton is thrilled to find employment as a maid at a boardinghouse. But soon after her arrival at Coldthistle House, Louisa begins to realize that the house's mysterious owner, Mr. Morningside, is providing much more than lodging for his guests. Far from a place of rest, the house is a place of judgment, and Mr. Morningside and his unusual staff are meant to execute their own justice on those who are past being saved.
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One of the characters is Satan..lots of the occult
- By Angela Briggs on 07-25-19
By: Madeleine Roux
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Home Front
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Maggi-Meg Reed
- Length: 15 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Like many couples, Michael and Jolene Zarkades have to face the pressures of everyday life—children, careers, bills, chores—even as their twelve-year marriage is falling apart. Then a deployment sends Jolene deep into harm's way and leaves defense attorney Michael at home, unaccustomed to being a single parent to their two girls. As a mother, it agonizes Jolene to leave her family, but as a solider, she has always understood the true meaning of duty. In her letters home, she paints a rose-colored version of her life on the front lines, shielding her family from the truth.
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Very Disappointed
- By Elizabeth on 03-17-12
By: Kristin Hannah
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Night Road
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney
- Length: 14 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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For 18 years, Jude Farraday has put her children’s needs above her own, and it shows - her twins, Mia and Zach, are bright and happy teenagers. When Lexi Baill moves into their small, close-knit community, no one is more welcoming than Jude. Lexi, a former foster child with a dark past, quickly becomes Mia’s best friend. Then Zach falls in love with Lexi and the three become inseparable. Jude does everything to keep her kids on track for college and out of harm’s way. It has always been easy - until senior year of high school. Suddenly she is at a loss.
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Oh for heaven's sake
- By Angela on 10-24-11
By: Kristin Hannah
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Firefly Lane
- A Novel
- By: Kristin Hannah
- Narrated by: Susan Ericksen
- Length: 17 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In the turbulent summer of 1974, Kate Mularkey has accepted her place at the bottom of the eighth-grade social food chain. Then, to her amazement, the "coolest girl in the world" moves in across the street and wants to be her friend. Tully Hart seems to have it all - beauty, brains, ambition. On the surface they are as opposite as two people can be: Kate, doomed to be forever uncool, with a loving family who mortifies her at every turn.
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Beachy Fare
- By FanB14 on 04-29-13
By: Kristin Hannah
What listeners say about If I Don't Laugh, I'll Cry
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Roma Sierk
- 06-05-24
Wow what an impact on my life
When I first started this book, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was it going to be comedy or tragedy? I discovered that it was both.
Molly, your story is so close to my own… I was in awe that you had written this book for me. I can’t thank you enough. Your book has been an inspiration and a healing blessing for me. God bless you.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Tpope
- 02-26-25
Thank you for sharing your story
We all should tell our story cause they’re not our stories. They’re his stories. His timing is all always perfect and thankful you read the book yourself.
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- Mom of 1
- 10-31-24
I laughed and I cried!
I loved this book! I could not stop listening! Molly is such a great storyteller, and hearing her tell her story herself makes it all the better. The book is raw and vulnerable, and a true testament to the faithfulness of the Lord.
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- Sarah
- 07-02-24
intentional vulnerability that leads others to the truth
We all need a savior and this book illustrates God's patient grace with tears, laughter, and reality.
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- Amanda Allbright
- 08-02-24
Beautiful, Vulnerable, Funny
I heard about this book from listening to an Enneagram podcast that Molly was interviewed on. I also am a 2 wing 3 so I wanted to hear her story. The beginning part about the Vietnam War was challenging for me to hear about, but I enjoyed the story more and more as I continued to listen. Molly is hilarious and I loved hearing her voice share her story. Her comedy sketch characters were truly funny. There were several raw, heart clenching moments as well. My favorite part was the bank lady phone call. 💗 💗💗 Thanks, Molly, for your vulnerability! It’s a beautiful story.
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- Beth
- 10-12-24
Fantastic!!
Phenomenal book! It was very enjoyable as it was read by the author, was best listened to!
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- Kristin Edwards
- 04-24-24
Funny, raw and real
How brave to show so much of your life, the dark parts most of us hide and are scared for the light to hit. Thank you. It was funny and raw and I loved every word. What a blessing it was to hear it spoken by Molly herself. Feels like that long catch up with a friend you haven’t seen in decades. A story of faith, encouragement, grief, childhood. I loved it, thank you for sharing your story with us.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-14-24
Lost me after the first half
The book started out good, interesting topics but the second half unfortunately took a turn to recounting her bad relationships then Bible preaching. Not a book I would recommend.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Brooke Sparks
- 01-25-25
Boring. Not hilarious
The author was a comedian and her mother has a compelling story, but this was not hilarious. There were lots of clichés and honestly, it wasn’t riveting or attention. I was disappointed.
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