
How Not to Kill Yourself
A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind
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Narrated by:
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Clancy Martin
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By:
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Clancy Martin
About this listen
- 2023 Short-listed - Kiriyama Prize for Nonfiction
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.”
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.”
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
*Includes a downloadable PDF of resources and tools for crisis from the book
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2023 Clancy Martin (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
- *A Finalist for the Kirkus Prize for Nonfiction*
- A New York Times Book Review Editor’s Choice
- One of the New York Times’ 9 New Books We Recommend This Week
- A Publisher’s Weekly Book of the Week
- One of The Millions’ Most Anticipated Books of the Year
- One of Lit Hub’s Most Anticipated Books of the Year
“Sui generis . . . a blunt and bracing read . . . as cogent and (yes) rational an account of the mind existing in the shadow of its own self-destruction as I have read . . . For all [Martin’s] focus on suicidal trauma, he is, most fundamentally, trying to write his way out from under it, to create a book not of death but of life.” —David Ulin, The Atlantic
“I can see [this book] becoming a rock for people who’ve been troubled by suicidal ideation, or have someone in their lives who is, and want to understand the mentality, which can seem utterly mystifying to the unafflicted. Swirling with anguish and argument, tempered by practicality, it airs an often taboo topic with the authority of someone writing what he knows — all too gruesomely well.” —The New York Times
“Idiosyncratic, beautiful, and studded with caveats: sometimes this trick won’t work, Martin concedes, and sometimes this other one won’t, either. Even he doesn’t always follow his own advice. It’s an admission of sorts—that so much great literature can be read, that so much work can be done, but that another day to survive is always approaching. The work of choosing to not kill yourself isn’t the act of making that choice one time but making it over and over again.” —The New Yorker
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When It Is Darkest draws on Rory O'Connor's years of experience in suicide prevention, mental health and psychology and takes a comprehensive look into the reasons behind suicide and how to support someone who is suicidal themselves. Suicide is baffling and devastating in equal measures, and it can affect any one of us - one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds. Yet despite the scale of the devastation, for family members and friends, suicide is still poorly understood.
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Not quite what I expected
- By martaelisity on 11-05-22
By: Rory O'Connor
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How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me
- One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention
- By: Susan Rose Blauner, Bernie S. Siegel MD - foreword
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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The statistics on suicide are staggering. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every forty seconds, and for each completed suicide there may be twenty or more attempts. In How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me, Susan Blauner is the perfect emissary for a message of hope and a program of action for these millions of people.
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got me through the hardest time
- By Kenny on 01-16-24
By: Susan Rose Blauner, and others
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Final Exit
- The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying, 3rd Edition
- By: Derek Humphry
- Narrated by: Clive Chafer
- Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Final Exit is the most famous book on voluntary euthanasia and assisted suicide. There is unique step-by-step language for the competent adult who is terminally or hopelessly ill to bring their life to a peaceful, non-violent end if they wish. Final Exit outlines the legal complications connected with dying, death, hastened death, euthanasia laws, suicide, living wills, and advance directives. Derek Humphry explores the problems with life insurance, as well as the ethics of double suicide.
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So Grateful, and Relieved
- By Amazon Customer on 01-09-19
By: Derek Humphry
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The Suicide Solution
- Finding Your Way Out of the Darkness
- By: Daniel Emina, Rick Lawrence
- Narrated by: William Sarris
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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This is a book for people who are struggling to find their way out of a cave of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts - and for anyone who cares for someone who's been lost in that cave.
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A must read for those struggling with mental illness and their families.
- By Anonymous User on 11-11-23
By: Daniel Emina, and others
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Life After Suicide
- Finding Courage, Comfort & Community After Unthinkable Loss
- By: Jennifer Ashton
- Narrated by: Jennifer Ashton
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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In Life After Suicide, Jennifer Ashton opens up completely for the first time, hoping that her experience and words can inspire those faced with the unthinkable to persevere. Part memoir and part comforting guide that incorporates the latest insights from researchers and health professionals, Life After Suicide is both a call to arms against this dangerous, devastating epidemic, and an affecting story of personal grief and loss. In addition, Dr. Ashton includes stories from others who have survived the death of a loved one by their own hand.
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shameless self promotion
- By JC on 07-23-19
By: Jennifer Ashton
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The Final Diagnosis
- Obscure Cases of Death, Disease & Murder
- By: Cynric Temple-Camp
- Narrated by: John Voce
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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From a rare and deadly amniotic avalanche to a victim of roasted peanuts ... The bestselling author of The Cause of Death and The Quick and the Dead returns with more stranger-than-fiction stories of death, disease and murder—as well as new perspectives on high-profile cases, including the disappearance of Ben Smart and Olivia Hope, the trial of Mark Lundy, and the ill-fated journey of Ansett Flight 703.
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Interesting stiries
- By Ann on 08-22-24
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The Noonday Demon
- An Atlas of Depression
- By: Andrew Solomon
- Narrated by: Barrett Whitener
- Length: 22 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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With uncommon humanity, candor, wit, and erudition, National Book Award winner Andrew Solomon takes the listener on a journey of incomparable range and resonance into the most pervasive of family secrets. The Noonday Demon examines depression in personal, cultural, and scientific terms. Drawing on his own struggles with the illness and interviews with fellow sufferers, doctors and scientists, policymakers and politicians, drug designers and philosophers, Solomon reveals the subtle complexities and sheer agony of the disease.
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If you want to get depressed....
- By Daphne Stevens on 09-03-12
By: Andrew Solomon
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Predictably Irrational
- The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions
- By: Dan Ariely
- Narrated by: Simon Jones
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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In a series of illuminating, often surprising experiments, MIT behavioral economist Dan Ariely refutes the common assumption that we behave in fundamentally rational ways. Blending everyday experience with groundbreaking research, Ariely explains how expectations, emotions, social norms, and other invisible, seemingly illogical forces skew our reasoning abilities.
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Good lessons, mediocre science?
- By William Stanger on 02-24-09
By: Dan Ariely
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Building a Life Worth Living
- A Memoir
- By: Marsha M. Linehan
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber, Stephen Mendel
- Length: 12 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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"Are you one of us?" a patient once asked Marsha Linehan, the world-renowned psychologist who developed dialectical behavior therapy. "Because if you were, it would give all of us so much hope." Over the years, DBT had saved the lives of countless people fighting depression and suicidal thoughts, but Linehan had never revealed that her pioneering work was inspired by her own desperate struggles as a young woman. Only when she received this question did she finally decide to tell her story.
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What an amazing journey!!
- By Sharon-nyc on 01-31-20
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The Organized Mind
- Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload
- By: Daniel J. Levitin
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 16 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Organized Mind, Daniel J. Levitin, PhD, uses the latest brain science to demonstrate how those people excel - and how readers can use their methods to regain a sense of mastery over the way they organize their homes, workplaces, and time. With lively, entertaining chapters on everything from the kitchen junk drawer to health care to executive office workflow, Levitin reveals how new research into the cognitive neuroscience of attention and memory can be applied to the challenges of our daily lives.
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Finally a book about productivity that delivers!
- By Oliver Nielsen on 09-16-14
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Lifespan
- Why We Age - and Why We Don't Have To
- By: David A. Sinclair PhD, Matthew D. LaPlante
- Narrated by: David A. Sinclair PhD
- Length: 11 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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From an acclaimed Harvard professor and one of Time’s most influential people, this paradigm-shifting audiobook shows how almost everything we think we know about aging is wrong, offers a front-row seat to the amazing global effort to slow, stop, and reverse aging, and calls listeners to consider a future where aging can be treated.
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Incredible
- By Nikolai B.G on 09-13-19
By: David A. Sinclair PhD, and others
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In My Time of Dying
- How I Came Face to Face with the Idea of an Afterlife
- By: Sebastian Junger
- Narrated by: Sebastian Junger
- Length: 4 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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For years as an award-winning war reporter, Sebastian Junger traveled to many front lines and frequently put his life at risk. And yet, the closest he ever came to death was the summer of 2020 while spending a quiet afternoon at the New England home he shared with his wife and two young children. Crippled by abdominal pain, Junger was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Once there, he began slipping away. As blackness encroached, he was visited by his dead father, inviting Junger to join him.
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Profound
- By Anonymous User on 06-16-24
By: Sebastian Junger
What listeners say about How Not to Kill Yourself
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- Katrina
- 04-15-23
Trigger warnings
I struggle as the author did/does and found the book validating me as a human. He spoke my language and knew how human he is. I appreciate his sharing - often explicit, but if it had been sugar coated, he would have lost me.
I am inspired to stay alive.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Rebecca Huelskamp
- 09-07-24
Very helpful
After losing a brother to suicide this book helped me understand the mind of someone who struggles with those type of thoughts. I've been able to process my loss more ever since I read it. Very helpful!
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- Lisa Petty
- 05-25-24
Research!
Great book with unmatched research into a complex subject with beautiful understanding. Highly recommend this book to anyone who had been touched by suicide, but especially for those who have had thoughts all their life. You are not alone.
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- M. Miller
- 04-03-23
Affirming
Professional but plainspoken, solipsism through a crystal-clear prism - too phony? reductive? Yes, yes. But I liked that I didn’t always like the work or him. That’s how I knew that I was in the hands of someone sincere. God bless those around the author… for reasons you can read about in the text.
Some readers less into may receive this heavy material more favorably or generously hearing it read aloud. He does good rueful laugh and laconic delivery.
Anyone with life experience in this subject should give this text a chance (and give life itself another shot, if in that subcohort).
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jay R
- 09-12-24
He gets me.
I have never read a book that made so much sense to me. This helped me understand myself and my tendencies in a beautiful way
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- Katy Sanderson
- 06-12-24
For non-suicidal minds
This is a great tool to understand for people who are trying to understand the suicidal mind.
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- Grizzes
- 03-31-25
So very dear, honest and human
I put off listening bc i was afraid it would make me very sad. Instead I found it hopeful, educational and gripping.
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- Ashley jackson
- 06-25-23
Excellent.
Difficult topic that is refreshingly approached with blunt honesty and real self reflection. I enjoyed this book more than any book I’ve read in the last year.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Doug Breault
- 09-18-23
Really fantastic
The tone of the book is on point- direct and funny, open and transparent. I appreciate the different perspectives and approaches to the topic, and is really helpful for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.
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- Andrew Kilgore
- 12-11-24
the longest aa meeting i have ever been to
it was a great and refreshing read. very much identify with the content, struggles and stories. if you are a person that struggles with suicidal ideation and have no one in life that understands you this book and Clancy definitely do. i find it very helpful knowing others struggle with the same dilemmas. this book was lifted to me by a friend that shares the same feelings. I love this book to Clancy
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