Eastbourne or Bust
A not-at-all-serious account of one man, one bike, and the long, painful road to the coast.

Ever thought cycling the South Downs Way would be a charming, leisurely jaunt through scenic countryside?
Yeah, so did I. Idiot.

What actually happened was a four-day, mud-splattered odyssey of mechanical failures, chalky cliffside death slides, possessed bike saddles, and a surprising number of historical detours involving Romans, smugglers, haunted windmills and at least one overly dramatic Victorian tunnel.

Armed with questionable fitness, a half-functioning bicycle, and the kind of blind optimism usually reserved for drunk uncles at weddings, I set out to conquer the South Downs Way — and accidentally learned a lot about British history, midlife resilience, and the terrifying power of sheep stares.

This is not a guidebook. You will not find sensible route advice, gear reviews, or inspirational quotes. What you will find is:

• One increasingly unhinged cyclist

• A lot of unexpected hills

• Ancient donkey wheels

• Mild existential crises

• And stories of the absolute legends, lunatics, and livestock that shaped this wild slice of southern England

Perfect for fans of funny cycling books, British travel humour, or anyone who enjoys travel writing like Bill Bryson but with more sweat, swearing, and saddle rash.

Eastbourne or Bust is a laugh-out-loud misadventure memoir full of cycling disasters, history with jokes, and bad decisions on bikes, ideal for fans of long-distance cycling UK and those wondering whether a lycra-clad midlife crisis can be funny (spoiler: yes. Eventually).