
Blackout
Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $20.00
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Sarah Hepola
-
By:
-
Sarah Hepola
About this listen
It's such a savage thing to lose your memory, but the crazy thing is, it doesn't hurt one bit. A blackout doesn't sting, or stab, or leave a scar when it robs you. Close your eyes and open them again. That's what a blackout feels like.
For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was 'the gasoline of all adventure'. She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Drinking felt like freedom, part of her birthright as a strong, enlightened 21st-century woman.
But there was a price. She often blacked out, waking up with a blank space where four hours should be. Mornings became detective work on her own life. What did I say last night? How did I meet that guy?
She apologized for things she couldn't remember doing, as though she were cleaning up after an evil twin. Publicly, she covered her shame with self-deprecating jokes, and her career flourished, but as the blackouts accumulated, she could no longer avoid a sinking truth. The fuel she thought she needed was draining her spirit instead.
A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, Blackout is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure - the sober life she never wanted. Shining a light into her blackouts, she discovers the person she buried, as well as the confidence, intimacy, and creativity she once believed came only from a bottle.
Her tale will resonate with anyone who has been forced to reinvent themselves or struggled in the face of necessary change. It's about giving up the thing you cherish most - but getting yourself back in return.
©2015 Sarah Hepola (P)2015 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
-
Drinking
- A Love Story
- By: Caroline Knapp
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fifteen million Americans a year are plagued with alcoholism. Five million of them are women. Many of them, like Caroline Knapp, started in their early teens and began to use alcohol as "liquid armor", a way to protect themselves against the difficult realities of life. In this extraordinarily candid and revealing memoir, Knapp offers important insights not only about alcoholism, but about life itself and how we learn to cope with it.
-
-
The Big Picture of Alcohol Dependence
- By Karen K on 07-26-16
By: Caroline Knapp
-
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
- Discovering a Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Alcohol-Free Life
- By: Catherine Gray
- Narrated by: Catherine Gray
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever sworn off alcohol for January and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there's 'no point' in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us. This inspirational, aspirational and highly relatable narrative champions the benefits of sobriety with a three-pronged approach combining the author's personal experience, factual reportage and contributions from expert sources and self-help advice for anyone who wants to reduce their alcohol intake or eliminate it completely.
-
-
Best Book on This Subject!
- By Polly on 05-14-20
By: Catherine Gray
-
Dry
- A Memoir
- By: Augusten Burroughs
- Narrated by: Augusten Burroughs
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At the request (well, it wasn't really a request) of his employers, Augusten lands in rehab, where his dreams of group therapy with Robert Downey Jr. are immediately dashed by grim reality of fluorescent lighting and paper hospital slippers. When Augusten is forced to examine himself, he finds himself in the worst trouble of all. Because when his thirty days are up, he has to return to his same drunken Manhattan life - and live it sober. Dry is the story of love, loss, and Starbucks as a Higher Power
-
-
Sobriety with a sense of style....
- By heidi on 09-28-03
-
We Are the Luckiest
- The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life
- By: Laura McKowen
- Narrated by: Laura McKowen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What could possibly be “lucky” about addiction? Absolutely nothing, thought Laura McKowen when drinking brought her to her knees. As she puts it, she “kicked and screamed . . . wishing for something - anything - else” to be her issue. The people who got to drink normally, she thought, were so damn lucky. But in the midst of early sobriety, when no longer able to anesthetize her pain and anxiety, she realized that she was actually the lucky one. Lucky to feel her feelings, live honestly, really be with her daughter, change her legacy.
-
-
Influencer Recovery, Part One
- By Keith Keller on 01-31-20
By: Laura McKowen
-
Quitter
- A Memoir of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery
- By: Erica C. Barnett
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A startlingly frank memoir, Quitter documents one woman's struggles with alcoholism and recovery, with essential new insights into addiction and treatment.
-
-
Long Drunkaloug But Well Defined
- By Danielle T on 11-16-20
By: Erica C. Barnett
-
The Sober Diaries
- How One Woman Stopped Drinking and Started Living
- By: Clare Pooley
- Narrated by: Karen Cass
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Like many women, Clare Pooley found the juggle of a stressful career and family life a struggle, so she left her successful role as a managing partner in one of the world's biggest advertising agencies to look after her family. She knew the change wouldn't be easy, but she never expected to find herself an overweight, depressed, middle-aged mother of three who was drinking more than a bottle of wine a day and spending her evenings Googling 'am I an alcoholic?'
-
-
The performance makes this one worthwhile...
- By River Holmes-miller on 04-24-18
By: Clare Pooley
-
Drinking
- A Love Story
- By: Caroline Knapp
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fifteen million Americans a year are plagued with alcoholism. Five million of them are women. Many of them, like Caroline Knapp, started in their early teens and began to use alcohol as "liquid armor", a way to protect themselves against the difficult realities of life. In this extraordinarily candid and revealing memoir, Knapp offers important insights not only about alcoholism, but about life itself and how we learn to cope with it.
-
-
The Big Picture of Alcohol Dependence
- By Karen K on 07-26-16
By: Caroline Knapp
-
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
- Discovering a Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Alcohol-Free Life
- By: Catherine Gray
- Narrated by: Catherine Gray
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever sworn off alcohol for January and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there's 'no point' in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us. This inspirational, aspirational and highly relatable narrative champions the benefits of sobriety with a three-pronged approach combining the author's personal experience, factual reportage and contributions from expert sources and self-help advice for anyone who wants to reduce their alcohol intake or eliminate it completely.
-
-
Best Book on This Subject!
- By Polly on 05-14-20
By: Catherine Gray
-
Dry
- A Memoir
- By: Augusten Burroughs
- Narrated by: Augusten Burroughs
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At the request (well, it wasn't really a request) of his employers, Augusten lands in rehab, where his dreams of group therapy with Robert Downey Jr. are immediately dashed by grim reality of fluorescent lighting and paper hospital slippers. When Augusten is forced to examine himself, he finds himself in the worst trouble of all. Because when his thirty days are up, he has to return to his same drunken Manhattan life - and live it sober. Dry is the story of love, loss, and Starbucks as a Higher Power
-
-
Sobriety with a sense of style....
- By heidi on 09-28-03
-
We Are the Luckiest
- The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life
- By: Laura McKowen
- Narrated by: Laura McKowen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What could possibly be “lucky” about addiction? Absolutely nothing, thought Laura McKowen when drinking brought her to her knees. As she puts it, she “kicked and screamed . . . wishing for something - anything - else” to be her issue. The people who got to drink normally, she thought, were so damn lucky. But in the midst of early sobriety, when no longer able to anesthetize her pain and anxiety, she realized that she was actually the lucky one. Lucky to feel her feelings, live honestly, really be with her daughter, change her legacy.
-
-
Influencer Recovery, Part One
- By Keith Keller on 01-31-20
By: Laura McKowen
-
Quitter
- A Memoir of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery
- By: Erica C. Barnett
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A startlingly frank memoir, Quitter documents one woman's struggles with alcoholism and recovery, with essential new insights into addiction and treatment.
-
-
Long Drunkaloug But Well Defined
- By Danielle T on 11-16-20
By: Erica C. Barnett
-
The Sober Diaries
- How One Woman Stopped Drinking and Started Living
- By: Clare Pooley
- Narrated by: Karen Cass
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Like many women, Clare Pooley found the juggle of a stressful career and family life a struggle, so she left her successful role as a managing partner in one of the world's biggest advertising agencies to look after her family. She knew the change wouldn't be easy, but she never expected to find herself an overweight, depressed, middle-aged mother of three who was drinking more than a bottle of wine a day and spending her evenings Googling 'am I an alcoholic?'
-
-
The performance makes this one worthwhile...
- By River Holmes-miller on 04-24-18
By: Clare Pooley
-
Quit Like a Woman
- The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol
- By: Holly Whitaker
- Narrated by: Holly Whitaker
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We live in a world obsessed with drinking. We drink at baby showers and work events, brunch and book club, graduations and funerals. Yet no one ever questions alcohol’s ubiquity—in fact, the only thing ever questioned is why someone doesn’t drink. It is a qualifier for belonging and if you don’t imbibe, you are considered an anomaly. As a society, we are obsessed with health and wellness, yet we uphold alcohol as some kind of magic elixir, though it is anything but.
-
-
you had me until the last chapter
- By Katie on 01-15-20
By: Holly Whitaker
-
Between Breaths
- A Memoir of Panic and Addiction
- By: Elizabeth Vargas
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Vargas
- Length: 5 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Beloved former ABC 20/20 anchor Elizabeth Vargas reveals her alcohol addiction and anxiety disorder in a shockingly honest and emotional memoir. From the moment she uttered the brave and honest words, "I am an alcoholic," to interviewer George Stephanopoulos, Elizabeth Vargas began writing her story, as her experiences were still raw. Now, in Between Breaths, Vargas discusses her accounts of growing up with anxiety—which began suddenly at the age of six when her father served in Vietnam.
-
-
Brave and Beautiful
- By LAFalls on 09-14-16
By: Elizabeth Vargas
-
High Achiever
- The Incredible True Story of One Addict's Double Life
- By: Tiffany Jenkins
- Narrated by: Tiffany Jenkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
With heart-racing urgency and unflinching honesty, Jenkins takes you inside the grips of addiction and the desperate decisions it breeds. She is a born storyteller who lived an incredible story, from blackmail by an ex-boyfriend to a soul-shattering deal with a drug dealer, and her telling brims with suspense and unexpected wit. But the true surprise is her path to recovery. Tiffany breaks through the stigma and silence to offer hope and inspiration to anyone battling the disease - whether it’s a loved one or themselves.
-
-
I Get it, You Were an Addict
- By Jim Thompson on 10-16-19
By: Tiffany Jenkins
-
Glorious Rock Bottom
- By: Bryony Gordon
- Narrated by: Bryony Gordon
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bryony Gordon is a respected journalist, a number one best-selling author and an award-winning mental health campaigner. She is also an alcoholic. In Glorious Rock Bottom Bryony opens up about a toxic 20-year relationship with alcohol and drugs and explains exactly why hitting rock bottom - for her, a traumatic event and the abrupt realisation that she was putting herself in danger, time and again - saved her life.
-
-
absolutely fabulous ⭐
- By pixie on 03-05-23
By: Bryony Gordon
-
Lit
- A Memoir
- By: Mary Karr
- Narrated by: Mary Karr
- Length: 12 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lit follows Mary Karr's descent into the inferno of alcoholism and madness - and her astonishing resurrection. Karr's longing for a solid family seems secure when her marriage to a handsome, Shakespeare-quoting poet produces a son they adore. But she can't outrun her apocalyptic past. She drinks herself into the same numbness that nearly devoured her charismatic but troubled mother, reaching the brink of suicide. A hair-raising stint in "The Mental Marriott" awakens her to the possibility of joy, and leads her to an unlikely faith.
-
-
Finally! One for the "Win" column
- By Kim on 03-22-10
By: Mary Karr
-
Push Off from Here
- Nine Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else)
- By: Laura McKowen
- Narrated by: Laura McKowen
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Push Off from Here, McKowen delves deeply into each of her nine points: what they mean, how they work, and how every person can live them. She addresses topics such as the correlation between trauma and addiction, the importance of radical honesty, letting go of the illusion of control, the value of community, a reminder that healing is a continual process, and that the process is a gift. Whether you’re just starting out or have been sober for decades, McKowen instructs us to be kind to ourselves: Change is messy and progress is rarely linear, but we can always push off from here.
-
-
As a "Quit Lit" connoisseur, this is a new fave!
- By Cheri Howard on 06-24-23
By: Laura McKowen
-
Not Drinking Tonight
- A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love
- By: Amanda E. White LPC
- Narrated by: Amanda E. White LPC, Suehyla El-Attar
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this honest discussion of mental health, the founder of Therapy for Women explores our reasons for drinking alcohol - and the benefits of taking a break.
-
-
Disappointing
- By Anne on 12-13-22
-
Drinking Games
- A Memoir
- By: Sarah Levy
- Narrated by: Sarah Levy
- Length: 6 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On paper, Sarah Levy’s life was on track. She was 28, living in New York City, working a great job, and socializing every weekend. But Sarah had a secret: her relationship with alcohol was becoming toxic. And only she could save herself. Drinking Games explores the role alcohol has in our formative years, and what it means to opt out of a culture completely enmeshed in drinking. It’s an examination of what our short-term choices about alcohol do to our long-term selves and how they challenge our ability to be vulnerable enough to discover what we really want in life.
-
-
Surface Level, Young Adult Essays
- By dr8901 on 03-29-23
By: Sarah Levy
-
Drink
- The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol
- By: Ann Dowsett Johnston
- Narrated by: Carrington MacDuffie
- Length: 8 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, award-winning journalist Anne Dowsett Johnston combines in-depth research with her own personal story of recovery, and delivers a groundbreaking examination of a shocking yet little recognized epidemic threatening society today: the precipitous rise in risky drinking among women and girls. With the feminist revolution, women have closed the gender gap in their professional and educational lives. They have also achieved equality with men in more troubling areas as well.
-
-
Much needed woman's recovery story
- By Cellowoman on 03-21-17
-
Sober Curious
- The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol
- By: Ruby Warrington
- Narrated by: Ruby Warrington
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s the nagging question more and more of us are finding harder to ignore, whether we have a “problem” with alcohol or not. In the face of how we care for ourselves otherwise, it’s hard to avoid how alcohol really makes us feel: terrible. How different would our lives be if we stopped drinking on autopilot? If we stopped drinking altogether? Frank, funny, and always judgment-free, Sober Curious is a bold guide to choosing to live hangover-free, from Ruby Warrington, one of the leading voices of the new sobriety movement.
-
-
Kinda confusing
- By Andrei on 01-06-20
By: Ruby Warrington
-
Guts
- The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster
- By: Kristen Johnston
- Narrated by: Kristen Johnston
- Length: 4 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The two-time Emmy Award-winning actress has written her first book, a surprisingly raw and triumphant memoir that is outrageous, moving, sweet, tragic, and heartbreakingly honest. Guts is a true triumph - a memoir that manages to be as frank and revealing as Augusten Burroughs, yet as hilarious and witty as David Sedaris.
-
-
Whiskey and cigarettes have never sounded so good.
- By John Campbell on 05-14-12
By: Kristen Johnston
-
Sober on a Drunk Planet
- Quit Lit 2-in-1 Sobriety Series. An Uncommon Alcohol Self-Help Guide for Sober Curious Through to Alcohol Addiction Recovery
- By: Sean Alexander, Sober On A Drunk Planet
- Narrated by: Piers Sherwood-Roberts
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Whether you're sober curious, looking to stay sober, or want to stop drinking alcohol for good, this uncommon guide explores eight critical areas of life that will drastically improve when you give up alcohol.
-
-
Must read for anyone with alcohol addiction or loved one with alcohol addiction
- By Tanya Masterson on 07-06-23
By: Sean Alexander, and others
What listeners say about Blackout
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Anonymous User
- 12-12-18
Hated it!
I kept thinking let me give it another chance but it was a complete waste of my time. Didn't like her narration and also didn't like hearing about her life in every single detail. It was boring and exhausting. Wouldn't recommend it
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!