WARNING: Do NOT crack this book unless you’re ready to watch your favorite mindfulness app curl up in a corner and whimper.

From the cluttered desk of Anton Volney

Dear Friend,

I’m about to shove an 800-year-old stick of dynamite into the mouth of modern “McMeditation.” When the fuse hits zero, two things will remain:

1. You.

2. Whatever’s real enough to survive a Zen sucker-punch.

The stick of dynamite is called “Zen Koans: The Gateless Gate to Insight.” Inside are 25 weapon-grade riddles the old monks used to melt egos like blow-torches on Styrofoam.

These aren’t bedtime stories. They’re mind-bombs. Pull the pin on one koan and—BOOM—there goes the neat little box you’ve been stuffing your life into.

• A crack down the center of your daily autopilot.

• A savage grin where your anxiety used to sit.

• The sudden urge to high-five the next paradox that walks by.

And that’s before you hit Koan #2.

• NO TRAINING WHEELS. Each koan is printed raw, exactly the way Mumon slapped it on the monastery wall—followed by his one-line kill-shot commentary.

• PUNK NOTES. Side-margins jammed with street-level dares like “Test this on the 6-train at rush hour.”

• SHOCK DRILLS. Tiny “do-it-now” exercises that turn inbox pings, drive-thru windows, and doom-scrolling into trapdoors for instant kenshō.

• Meditators sick of “inhale… exhale…” vanilla.

• Philosophers who want blood on the page, not footnotes.

• Creatives hunting the next inspiration.

• Any seeker who believes enlightenment isn’t just a fairy tale.

Smash the ugly button below. We’ll rush the book out faster than a Zen master can smack a daydreaming novice with a bamboo stick.

Read the first koan tonight. If your jaw doesn’t drop in the first ten pages, mail it back and I’ll eat the loss—no questions, no chanting required.

P.S. Legend says a single true koan can slice ten thousand lifetimes of karma in half. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a bargain compared to another year of guided breathing apps with pastel gradients. Crack the Gate now. The bars were never locked.