
An Alien's Guide to Handjobs
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
3 months free
Buy for $6.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Brandy Springer
-
By:
-
Davi Mai
About this listen
An evil lizard race scours the galaxy for fresh sources of the "Royal Elixir". Unfortunately for mankind (with the emphasis on "man"), human semen is a perfect match. But even the most virile men struggle to deliver when confronted with three-eyed lizards demanding the contents of their testicles.
Enter young Sarah Morgan. One minute she's minding her own business, hitchhiking across the country, the next she's abducted by alien lizard people to help with their "harvest". It will take all her wits to survive in this strange new world. Luckily for country girl Sarah, this isn't her first rodeo.
If you've ever looked at a lizard's forked tongue and thought "Hmm, I wonder...", then welcome to your happy place.
©2020 Davi Mai (P)2020 Davi MaiListeners also enjoyed...
-
Apex Ascended Omnibus, Books 1-3
- By: A.V. Ray
- Narrated by: Andrew Pond, Kat Riley
- Length: 20 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Everything changed when I witnessed an alien crash near my home. It carried two things: a beautiful blue-skinned woman who can fly, and an artifact capable of granting superpowers. The government got the ship, I got the girl...and the power. Now men are mutating into monsters, and only I can stop them. Well, myself and a trio of superheroines created to counter me and my extraterrestrial roommate. I need to find that ship, because something worse is coming.
-
-
You just can't help yourself can you?
- By Anonymous User on 06-09-24
By: A.V. Ray
-
Top Tier Privateer Omnibus Books 1-3
- By: Dan Raxor
- Narrated by: Jessica Threet
- Length: 33 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Extensive training molded Bruce into a finely tuned mercenary. A man capable of scouring the galaxy to protect the innocent and vanquish the corrupt. An assignment to a distant outer system brings mystery, death, and mayhem. During his mission, a chance encounter with a stunning royal in a dimly lit bar results in all hell breaking loose. Save the damsel, figure out the mystery, and kill all the bad guys. If only saving humanity was that simple.
-
-
Sorry. Sample before you buy.!!
- By Dine D on 09-30-23
By: Dan Raxor
-
100th Run, Book One
- A Regressor's LitRPG Adventure
- By: Flossindune
- Narrated by: Daniel Thomas May
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The world is devolving into chaos as a game-like system has reduced the population to a series of statistics and screens. Confusion reigns as everyone struggles to survive in this new reality. Everyone but one man. Anthony Franklin has a secret. One that gives him an edge. He has lived through this exact series of events...99 times in a row.
-
-
Whiny MC
- By Amazon Customer on 09-12-23
By: Flossindune
-
Phase Titan: Omnibus
- By: Leo Hull
- Narrated by: Christopher Harbour, Mandy McCullough
- Length: 33 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The complete Phase Titan series in one collection. Ethan didn’t choose to sleep through the apocalypse. He didn’t ask to be bioengineered into a Psy-wielding warrior or for the unexpected allies destined to bond their lives to his. He faces an alien infestation run amok and an extermination order that would kill all life on Earth just to stop him from growing stronger. In a changing world rife with threats, Ethan needs his strength and the wits of his beautiful companions if he hopes to save humanity.
-
-
One of the best harem sci-fis ever.
- By Matrin Zachs on 12-04-23
By: Leo Hull
-
To Sleep in a Sea of Stars
- By: Christopher Paolini
- Narrated by: Jennifer Hale
- Length: 32 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
During a routine survey mission on an uncolonized planet, Kira finds an alien relic. At first she's delighted, but elation turns to terror when the ancient dust around her begins to move. As war erupts among the stars, Kira is launched into a galaxy-spanning odyssey of discovery and transformation. First contact isn't at all what she imagined, and events push her to the very limits of what it means to be human. While Kira faces her own horrors, Earth and its colonies stand upon the brink of annihilation. Now, Kira might be humanity's greatest and final hope....
-
-
Don't waste the credit
- By mike on 09-26-20
-
Corsairs and Cataclysms 1
- A Darkwyrlds Tale (Corsairs & Cataclysms, Book 1)
- By: Devan Drake
- Narrated by: Tom North, Faye Bishop
- Length: 20 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An experimental ASI with a terminal case of curiosity reached out and tampered with the universe in a way that it should not have, and unleashed a torrent of energy we would call magic into our galaxy. Humans, and every other intelligent lifeform for that matter, were ill-prepared, physically and mentally, for such an eventuality. In an effort to save itself, the ASI hastily created something it called the Framework to shape and codify this magical energy, and usher in a new world. A world of classes, levels, and extraordinary power. But also a world of monsters.
-
-
Wish I could return
- By Donald on 11-19-23
By: Devan Drake
-
Apex Ascended Omnibus, Books 1-3
- By: A.V. Ray
- Narrated by: Andrew Pond, Kat Riley
- Length: 20 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Everything changed when I witnessed an alien crash near my home. It carried two things: a beautiful blue-skinned woman who can fly, and an artifact capable of granting superpowers. The government got the ship, I got the girl...and the power. Now men are mutating into monsters, and only I can stop them. Well, myself and a trio of superheroines created to counter me and my extraterrestrial roommate. I need to find that ship, because something worse is coming.
-
-
You just can't help yourself can you?
- By Anonymous User on 06-09-24
By: A.V. Ray
-
Top Tier Privateer Omnibus Books 1-3
- By: Dan Raxor
- Narrated by: Jessica Threet
- Length: 33 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Extensive training molded Bruce into a finely tuned mercenary. A man capable of scouring the galaxy to protect the innocent and vanquish the corrupt. An assignment to a distant outer system brings mystery, death, and mayhem. During his mission, a chance encounter with a stunning royal in a dimly lit bar results in all hell breaking loose. Save the damsel, figure out the mystery, and kill all the bad guys. If only saving humanity was that simple.
-
-
Sorry. Sample before you buy.!!
- By Dine D on 09-30-23
By: Dan Raxor
-
100th Run, Book One
- A Regressor's LitRPG Adventure
- By: Flossindune
- Narrated by: Daniel Thomas May
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The world is devolving into chaos as a game-like system has reduced the population to a series of statistics and screens. Confusion reigns as everyone struggles to survive in this new reality. Everyone but one man. Anthony Franklin has a secret. One that gives him an edge. He has lived through this exact series of events...99 times in a row.
-
-
Whiny MC
- By Amazon Customer on 09-12-23
By: Flossindune
-
Phase Titan: Omnibus
- By: Leo Hull
- Narrated by: Christopher Harbour, Mandy McCullough
- Length: 33 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The complete Phase Titan series in one collection. Ethan didn’t choose to sleep through the apocalypse. He didn’t ask to be bioengineered into a Psy-wielding warrior or for the unexpected allies destined to bond their lives to his. He faces an alien infestation run amok and an extermination order that would kill all life on Earth just to stop him from growing stronger. In a changing world rife with threats, Ethan needs his strength and the wits of his beautiful companions if he hopes to save humanity.
-
-
One of the best harem sci-fis ever.
- By Matrin Zachs on 12-04-23
By: Leo Hull
-
To Sleep in a Sea of Stars
- By: Christopher Paolini
- Narrated by: Jennifer Hale
- Length: 32 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
During a routine survey mission on an uncolonized planet, Kira finds an alien relic. At first she's delighted, but elation turns to terror when the ancient dust around her begins to move. As war erupts among the stars, Kira is launched into a galaxy-spanning odyssey of discovery and transformation. First contact isn't at all what she imagined, and events push her to the very limits of what it means to be human. While Kira faces her own horrors, Earth and its colonies stand upon the brink of annihilation. Now, Kira might be humanity's greatest and final hope....
-
-
Don't waste the credit
- By mike on 09-26-20
-
Corsairs and Cataclysms 1
- A Darkwyrlds Tale (Corsairs & Cataclysms, Book 1)
- By: Devan Drake
- Narrated by: Tom North, Faye Bishop
- Length: 20 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An experimental ASI with a terminal case of curiosity reached out and tampered with the universe in a way that it should not have, and unleashed a torrent of energy we would call magic into our galaxy. Humans, and every other intelligent lifeform for that matter, were ill-prepared, physically and mentally, for such an eventuality. In an effort to save itself, the ASI hastily created something it called the Framework to shape and codify this magical energy, and usher in a new world. A world of classes, levels, and extraordinary power. But also a world of monsters.
-
-
Wish I could return
- By Donald on 11-19-23
By: Devan Drake
-
Starside Blues
- By: William K. Shepherd
- Narrated by: Randy McCarten
- Length: 16 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dieter Webber, a former Jump Armor pilot, lost his war. Years later as a broken ex-pat, half a galaxy away, the former combat pilot is haunted by the ghosts of the war and looming debts to organized crime. An encounter with an Android, Reis, serves as an invitation from his former commander to a reluctant escape: Mercenary work in her company, Valkyrie LLC.
-
-
A hidden sci-fi gem
- By Anonymous User on 01-04-23
-
Awakening the Angel System Omnibus: Books 1-3
- By: Dungeon Ducky
- Narrated by: Dylan Wheeler, Ellory Lane
- Length: 36 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In a Post-Apocalyptic world of Magic and Machinery, Jack Knight is an orphan who finds himself caught between a life-altering decision. Join the military and fight the demon hordes or sell his soul to the Corpos. Both options having minimal appeal to a shut-in like Jack. Thanks to the high cost of living, and his sister’s medical expenses, Jack has never given much thought to what he’d want to do with life, always living paycheck to paycheck, scrounging just enough to keep the lights on and his sister safe. However, an Angel presents him with a third option.
-
-
False story impression
- By richard s. on 08-03-24
By: Dungeon Ducky
-
Redacted Affairs
- Rise of the Peacemakers, Book 1
- By: Kevin Ikenberry
- Narrated by: James Anderson Foster
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Peacemakers. The Galactic Union’s most capable enforcers and resolute negotiators, their name alone elicits fear and awe among the Union’s citizenry. It is a time of upheaval throughout the Galactic Union. As the effects of the Omega War ripple outward, a Peacemaker falls silent at the outpost mining colony of Parmick. Sensing danger, the Peacemaker Guild dispatches two new graduates of the Academy to investigate and report. They are a new breed of Peacemaker, perfect for the clandestine infiltration mission.
-
-
God I loved this one
- By Daniel on 02-29-20
By: Kevin Ikenberry
-
Potato Surprise
- A Brimstone Prequel
- By: Angel Martinez
- Narrated by: Vance Bastian
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Before Ness, before Corny, before Leopold and Heckle and Mac, there was just Shax and Verin and a newly stolen, er, acquired cargo ship. Join Shax on his first adventure in space in which a pampered demon prince has a lot to learn. When a steel trap of celestial and infernal politics threatens to close around them, Shax and Verin flee Earth’s system in a stolen ship, leaving everything behind. It’s an elegantly simple plan, with a new ship and a new life as carefree brigands.
-
-
Pretties
- By N Florida on 07-27-18
By: Angel Martinez
-
Heart's Prisoner
- Dark World Mates, Book 1
- By: Olivia Riley
- Narrated by: Maxine Mitchell
- Length: 10 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Asset X: Massive, deadly, and a little terrifying to say the least. A devilish warrior, and a killer. Captured on a hellish world after attacking a military campsite and now imprisoned in a state-of-the-art cell inside one of the military’s top bases, Lazris. Lana has been assigned to "study" him; to learn his secrets and gain his trust, if he is ever allowed to set foot out of his cell. Asset X - or Xerus as he is called - won't give up his secrets easily. He is difficult, elusive, and dare she say, unfathomably alluring.
-
-
An ACTUAL good adventure alien romance novel
- By potsherds on 07-05-21
By: Olivia Riley
-
A Question of Navigation
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The only favor the aliens do for Clint Beecham when they abduct him is give him a shirt that says "Do Not Eat" on it in their language. He’s told that as a physicist, he is to be reserved, along with five other scientists, for a mysterious purpose. But 50,000 other humans on board the interstellar scout ship are scheduled to be butchered and frozen, a food supply for the long journey to the alien homeworld. Clint and the other Reserves can’t stand by and let that happen.
-
-
Fun book, fantastic performance
- By Amazon Customer on 03-06-21
By: Kevin Hearne
-
Doctor Who: At Childhood’s End
- Thirteenth Doctor Novel
- By: Sophie Aldred
- Narrated by: Sophie Aldred
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Once, a girl called Ace travelled the universe with the Doctor - until, in the wake of a terrible tragedy they parted company. Now, decades on, she is known as Dorothy McShane, the reclusive millionaire philanthropist who heads the global organisation A Charitable Earth. But Dorothy is being haunted by terrible nightmares in which she’s abducted to an alien world. Nightmares that begin just as scores of young runaways are vanishing from the dark alleyways of London.
-
-
Ace!
- By Mark M. on 02-26-20
By: Sophie Aldred
-
Bounty Hunter: Publisher's Pack (Book 1-2)
- Bounty Hunter, Book 1, 2
- By: Rachel Aukes
- Narrated by: James Anderson Foster
- Length: 14 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Contains books one and two in the Bounty Hunter series: Lone Gunfighter of the Wastelands and Dig Two Graves.
-
-
Way better than expected
- By MaryEllen on 02-22-21
By: Rachel Aukes
-
The Apex Trilogy Box Set
- By: Jake Bible
- Narrated by: Julie Hoverson
- Length: 45 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Apex Trilogy box set includes three books: Dead Mech, The Americans, and Metal and Ash. The three books feature a post-apocalyptic zombie-ridden landscape with military and mechanical action and loads of adventure. What began in the wasteland of Dead Mech continued alongside in Europe and Asia in The Americans and then, has its epic conclusion in Metal and Ash!
-
-
The author may be a bit crazy.
- By Zeke on 07-30-20
By: Jake Bible
-
Mated to the Alien Volume One
- By: Kate Rudolph, Starr Huntress
- Narrated by: Zachary Michael, Jennifer Gill, Ian Gordon
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Detyens are doomed to die at the age of thirty if they don't find their fated mates in time. This bundle brings together the first three books in the Mated to the Alien series. Listen as Ruwen, Tyral, and Stoan find human mates and a new hope for their dying race. This series will bring you fated mates, steamy alphas, and plenty of space adventures. Start listening today!
-
-
TL
- By Alyssa R Coombs on 04-18-21
By: Kate Rudolph, and others
-
Detyen Warriors: Volume One
- By: Kate Rudolph, Starr Huntress
- Narrated by: Ian Gordon, Jennifer Gill
- Length: 18 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Detyen Warriors: Volume One brings together the first three books in the Detyen Warriors series. Listen to it as Raze, Toran, and Kayde find human mates and justice for their dying race. The bundle brings you kick-butt heroines, alpha alien heroes, fated mates, and relationships strong enough to span the galaxy!
-
-
So far...So boring 2.5 stars
- By Sara on 04-29-20
By: Kate Rudolph, and others
-
Hollow Space: Venture
- Xantoverse Series
- By: C.F. Barnes, T. F. Grant
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 13 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Forced to hyperjump during a brutal ambush, Sara Lorelle, navigator of the Venture, the last human colony ship, discovers a terrible truth: They've jumped to somewhere that shouldn't exist. Trapped inside a pocket universe known only as Hollow Space, where technology inexplicably fails, Sara and her crew have to face the lethal politics of their only destination, Haven - a decrepit station, home to deadly aliens and rival factions that soon sees the Venture crew up to their necks in danger.
-
-
Firefly Meets Babylon 5/Galactica/Star Wars Hybrid
- By Striker on 05-24-15
By: C.F. Barnes, and others